Why he call me again? Need a hand please!!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 24
Why he call me again? Need a hand please!!
Ok, aside from it is the V day and Chinese new year today( im from Taiwan, 15 years ago), my ex ABF called last night at 4 am. We just broke up 10days ago, every thing is still raw for me, no family here so have to spend today by myself...and he have to call at 4( probabaly after getting drunk and high). Wake me up from a difficult sleep, only ring 3 times and he hang up. Wasn't going to answer anyway, but put me in a deeper end anyway.
Why he called? The action also makes me think I have more unfinished incounter w him in store for me. It is hard enough to let him go w/o him nagging me, afraid I will once again let him come back and control my life.
Any one out there have a answer why he called? Also need some supporting hands for going through today, tomorrow and on, please help!
I was doing good last night! Big dinner w my employees, swollow down some tears and put on a happy face( really want to call him over for that 20 dishes dinner, knowing how much he likes Chinese food), going to bed right after and told myself doing great... Then this...
Talking about he really own me!!
Why he called? The action also makes me think I have more unfinished incounter w him in store for me. It is hard enough to let him go w/o him nagging me, afraid I will once again let him come back and control my life.
Any one out there have a answer why he called? Also need some supporting hands for going through today, tomorrow and on, please help!
I was doing good last night! Big dinner w my employees, swollow down some tears and put on a happy face( really want to call him over for that 20 dishes dinner, knowing how much he likes Chinese food), going to bed right after and told myself doing great... Then this...
Talking about he really own me!!
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 56
Originally Posted by Insulated 
No one but he and his HP knows why he called. Speculation is going to take up too much energy that could be redirected back to you. Don't let a silly 4:00am saturday night drunk/high dial derail you.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Hi,
There is no way to know why. My exA called after over a year of no contact and him getting married to OW. Someone told me when I asked the same question that it is because they are unhappy. Don't know if that is true or not, but it doesn't really change much of anything except to know that WE can be happy in our lives if we choose to be. You have a choice to focus on yourself and get to a happy place without him. It is there. It just takes time.
There is no way to know why. My exA called after over a year of no contact and him getting married to OW. Someone told me when I asked the same question that it is because they are unhappy. Don't know if that is true or not, but it doesn't really change much of anything except to know that WE can be happy in our lives if we choose to be. You have a choice to focus on yourself and get to a happy place without him. It is there. It just takes time.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
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Stay strong, betterday. You deserve so much better than this. I suggest that you block his telephone number so he can't get drunk and call and harass you any more.
There are a lot of people who love Chinese food who would love to come to your 20 dishes dinner -- and who will treat you with love and respect when they come.
He is not that person. He treats you like dirt.
Be with people who love you instead. This will swell your heart with strength.
Happy New Year to you! I was born in the year of the tiger, 1962, and my tiger-nature serves me well!!
There are a lot of people who love Chinese food who would love to come to your 20 dishes dinner -- and who will treat you with love and respect when they come.
He is not that person. He treats you like dirt.
Be with people who love you instead. This will swell your heart with strength.
Happy New Year to you! I was born in the year of the tiger, 1962, and my tiger-nature serves me well!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 24
Thanks for u all! Unfortunately, I own a restaurant so change my cell won't do any good, he can just drop in anytime! Last time this happens, he try to drop off my "stuff" according to him and I was here for a pair of slippers, but I fall for it. Don't want to hurt him since he is sick w alcoholisam already.
Wait till his child is born w the OW in 2 1/2 month and the responsibility hits, then I will really hear from him ( if not sooner).
I know I'm weak...
Well happy new year to u all
Wait till his child is born w the OW in 2 1/2 month and the responsibility hits, then I will really hear from him ( if not sooner).
I know I'm weak...
Well happy new year to u all
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Betterday - you can block phone numbers, you just have to call your phone company.
Don't want to hurt him since he is sick w alcoholisam already
Yeah, I felt the same way. I didn't want to hurt my XA either, so I walked on eggshells and let him walk all over me.
Worry about your own feelings...not his.
HUGS.
Don't want to hurt him since he is sick w alcoholisam already
Yeah, I felt the same way. I didn't want to hurt my XA either, so I walked on eggshells and let him walk all over me.
Worry about your own feelings...not his.
HUGS.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
The way that I deal with the sickness of alcoholism and teh compassion or lack of hurting him, etc. is to remember that I am not doing anything to hurt him. I am only protecting myself and my kids.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
THIS... is why. The energy you're pouring out right now. It's nothing more than harassment, disguisde to look like love.
I agree with Insulated.
And about blocking the number.
I am so sorry this hurts. I forget to say that enough. I knowabout hurting, I relly do, although my posts sometimes don't show it.
But I've also learned the JOY that comes after.
And I want so badly for you to get there.
But you can't get there, dragging someone like him along.
I agree with Insulated.
And about blocking the number.
I am so sorry this hurts. I forget to say that enough. I knowabout hurting, I relly do, although my posts sometimes don't show it.
But I've also learned the JOY that comes after.
And I want so badly for you to get there.
But you can't get there, dragging someone like him along.
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 24
he needs u or what u provid"
indeed, it is the though "he needs me" makes me so codepandent!!
I didn't point it out in my post because I do not want u to laugh at me... But here is it-
i pay for everything, 2 to 4 thousand dollars per month for the expence. He is 22 and I am 42, own my business. I do not mind he still at school, having a child on the way w OW, I do really care about him.
We spend almost every day together beside those days he needs his space(get drunk and high plus coca). He want me at his apartment all the time even after I get off work at 9:30(one hour drive). I will drive down buy him dinner and drink. He like to eat fancy, average $70 per meal for two. Even a morning coffee I will have to pay for it and I don't even drink coffee!! We went on lux vacations from time to time, since it is a reward for my hard work and I really don't mind he tag along. The only thing he pays is his own apartment, so he can still have his "own space" when ever he want to do something w his friends, usually end up trashed( even call me to pick him up last month when he is too drunk to drive home). I never give him any money (beside the $400 he ask me for gas 2 years ago) knowing he probably not going to use it WISELY.
I know he is young and I am willing to provide what ever I could till him get a job after college, but with a kid coming I really feel he need to cut his college fun short and get a job...well it his f*ck up.
*I guess it is bad. I do kind of blam myself for spoil him and makes him leech at me, lost himself in all the material thing, at least his parents think so and hate me for messing him up...
indeed, it is the though "he needs me" makes me so codepandent!!
I didn't point it out in my post because I do not want u to laugh at me... But here is it-
i pay for everything, 2 to 4 thousand dollars per month for the expence. He is 22 and I am 42, own my business. I do not mind he still at school, having a child on the way w OW, I do really care about him.
We spend almost every day together beside those days he needs his space(get drunk and high plus coca). He want me at his apartment all the time even after I get off work at 9:30(one hour drive). I will drive down buy him dinner and drink. He like to eat fancy, average $70 per meal for two. Even a morning coffee I will have to pay for it and I don't even drink coffee!! We went on lux vacations from time to time, since it is a reward for my hard work and I really don't mind he tag along. The only thing he pays is his own apartment, so he can still have his "own space" when ever he want to do something w his friends, usually end up trashed( even call me to pick him up last month when he is too drunk to drive home). I never give him any money (beside the $400 he ask me for gas 2 years ago) knowing he probably not going to use it WISELY.
I know he is young and I am willing to provide what ever I could till him get a job after college, but with a kid coming I really feel he need to cut his college fun short and get a job...well it his f*ck up.
*I guess it is bad. I do kind of blam myself for spoil him and makes him leech at me, lost himself in all the material thing, at least his parents think so and hate me for messing him up...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
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Kitty, I never been a parent but I know my parents love me w all their heart. They work all their life to provide what's best for me...by putting the food on the table, forgive me when I'm young and foolish, accept my mistake and be there for me...that's the love I know. Maybe I am wrong, but that's the same unselfish love I gave to my ex ABF and that's all I know. Am I wrong? Maybe.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Betterday,
I used to feel the same way that you do about giving unselfishly in the love department. However, as I am learning, you have to take care of yourself first.
What do you want from a relationship? Are you getting it with him?
I used to feel the same way that you do about giving unselfishly in the love department. However, as I am learning, you have to take care of yourself first.
What do you want from a relationship? Are you getting it with him?
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