wicked

kia,
honey, what is going on with you? are you taking care of yourself?
have you been to any meetings about codependency?
please, please, get help for yourself.
he will do what he will do, nothing you say or do will change that.
it only gets worse from here. much, much worse.
do you want to go to "cloud cuckoo land" with him?
you will lose yourself and your sanity.
beth

kia

sorry im sat here reading this in tears im 1osing me somewhere in a11 this craziness

Live

Kia, dear...I have been reading your posts all along. It's true. It's not getting any better. This dynamic is as if he is the puppetmaster who pulls all your strings. You keep waiting for him to clear it up for you...as in what he will do or say. I don't think that will ever happen. Meanwhile you are flopping around like a fish on a string with a hook in it's mouth.
He is addicted to alcohol, at the least..and you are addicted to him. He is the only one who can decide to and the actually do it to break his addiction. The same is true for you.
He doesn't have the right to tell you what to do and make your decisions for you and neither do I!
What would you like for your next 6 months to be? More of the same? Maybe you do need that. I know I stayed in a bad situation way too long. Where do you see yourself in a year? You know, next Christmas, New Year's ...how do you dream of things being? And how can you go about pursuing your dreams?
If this relationship is what you want, you have every right to it. But I can make a prediction and it's accurate. The problems you are already having with him are going to get worse and there will more and new ones. That is life on life's terms, reality as it is in the here and now.
I am not pushing you to do anything. I just want to be very frank with you and ask that you think about what is said here.
Again I would like to suggest you go back and re-read everything to get an accurate picture of this thing over time. It predicts your future.
hugs,
Live

wicked

kia,
you have it within you always to come back.
i understand cloud cuckoo land, i was there. i have a depressive disorder, tried to drink it away for twenty years, and then got sober and tried to get my ex husband to get sober. a lot of work. you can save yourself some time.
but, only when you are ready.
yeah, cloud cuckoo land for real. disconnected from real life and with the inmates running the asylum.
you can do this kia.
i did.
beth

Carol Star

One thing that helped me alot a couple of years ago was reading......"LET GO OR BE DRAGGED." It helped too to write down all the bad,disappointing things the XAH had done to me, said to me,lied to me etc.....and when I was in one of my "I miss him" modes I pulled the list out and read it and slapped myself back into reality. Those two things helped me get out of that .Also going to Alanon and hearing myself share I saw it really was worse than I thought. I still have that" what he done to me wrong list".....It was God's grace......that is what it took. I also realized I am codependent and have a pattern my whole life from teenage years on in several relationships when I held on way too long. So now I know.....I am codependent....my Mom was too. I don't need a relationship to complete me. I don't have to save anybody but ME. No contact is great too because you see how cool and calm life can be without all that quacking and the longer you go NC the better it gets, easier it is....Life should not HURT. Love should be equal,easy, like water flowing without tidal waves. SR is throwing the lifeline.......grab it. And try that "he done me wrong "list and keep it with you. This stuff is what it took for me.......and an affirmation my sponser gave me......"I will get through this with grace and ease."...I also stopped talking about him and saying his name, and asked God(on my knees to help remove the obsession with him)......(1st step work).....God put the right meetings in my lfe, the right people, the right books, the right therapist, and SR in my life to drag me out. Being dragged is a DRAG.

Tally

It's kinda like you've given him all your power, all your confidense, all your self esteem...you've handed it on a plate to him. Well, he's happy enough controlling everything and pulling your strings, he's not going to help you feel better, you have to take your power back. I've been through it myself and standing up for myself and saying "NO!" is soooo hard when you're so used to being the doormat, but god it feels good to put yourself first.

PHIZ007

Some great advice and experience above......just wanted to add....if this was your best friend telling you this what advice would you give to her?

I know it isn't easy but I would tell her run like hell and focus on yourself....

Take care and keep us posted Phiz

kia

was the worst nite 1ast night and hes making me fee1 so bad for these texts i sent another guy which i had thought was sorted before i 1eft but since i came back hes done nothing but attack me and its making me fee1 so bad dont know how many times i can say sorry wou1dnt mind if i had done something but didnt we just mates hes been there for me when the A has gone off on one christ hes hard enough work on his own without comp1ications a11 i do atm now is cry dont know what to now

Tally

You're letting him attack you. You don't have to log in to MSN, read his texts or answer his phone calls. The drama will carry on until you stop it.