Buffalo66

My A is getting so ridiculous in his projection.

I know it is a common alcoholic feature, but...It just seems like recently he must have saved up things that I have had a problem with in him and he is aiming them at me. Every interaction. It is maddening.

It is so crazy to have dealt with, tolerated, detached from, re attached to, enabled, stopped enabling, cleaned up after, stopped cleaning up after(and I mean this in the broadest sense), this severe obvious admitted alcoholic, and then when a conversation does not go his way, have him call you a burden on HIS life, or attack you and call you an alcoholic for having drinks with a friend..

My A called me the other day. He had seen an ad on Craigslist, he said. It seemed like it could have been posted by me, he said. I do buy furniture on CL occasionally, so I bit.

He was talking about a personal ad placed in the Casual sexual encounters section on CL. This is online board where people put ads up looking for a casual sex partner. It gets pretty creepy and freaky on there, as I soon found out. I looked at the ad. I could not believe what people were posting on there.

I never did, and never will, and everyone who knows me knows that I would never post a casual encounter ad on CL. Not that there is anything wrong with that...But it is a pretty creepy idea to me, though, AND super unsafe. HE went on to say that the ad sounded like me since it was listed from my part of town, was a similar age, etc...I live in a MAJOR metropolitan area...

I said no, it was not me, and laughed it off... but why was HE cruising those personals?(he has a history of sex addiction, etc.) I told him to try to be safe, and to please not fill me in on his internet/sex habits anymore.

He became absolutely freaky paranoid, calling me filthy, how could I be putting ads on CL for sex??? He did not and would not hear me say that I had not placed the ad. I told him to just go back to trolling the internet and leave me out of it.

If only any of you knew how out of character it would be for me to do that. I am the anti casual sex girl. It is one of the reasons I have had such trouble leaving him. I do not do the meeting people for "fun" thing, and I have a 5 year old. My prospects for intimacy are slim, and I often fall back into an unhealthy 'comfort zone' with him. He knows me. He is CRAZY.

Well, the night was full of voice messages calling me a filthy this or that, and how could I be willing to do such a thing?!!? The insanity is overwhelming. I just sit there and laugh, out of sheer frustration-- knowing that it was, in fact, HIM who was either posting or answering casual sex ads online.

Is anyone else dealing with THIS MUCH CRAZINESS?? Is my A worse than all the rest? I fear that he is truly going insane, and I am afraid of how to co parent with him. I mean, YES, the alcohol makes them all nuts, but he is really getting paranoid and the persecution complex is VERY pronounced.

My son had to go to the ER last weekend due to the increasing complications of his brain tumor. It was the weekend of the massive snow here, and his father met us at the hospital. My son gets a little needy and nervous at these times, poor little guy is just 5. He likes his daddy to stay around. We agreed for A to stay for the night and day following the truly stressful 24 hours at the hospital. I had to interact. There are only so many times that you can walk away in one day. Some things have to be communicated.

When I detach, and step out of the dance, his illness becomes amplified, and it drives him nuts. He cannot own anything. His projection goes into overdrive.

I just float away sometimes and imagine a day when I can really be free.

bookwyrm

XAH was like this for the last year we lived together and after we seperated. He'd attribute so much to me that just wasn't true. He 'knew' what I was thinking and feeling and would tell me so, ignoring my attempts to tell him how I really felt. I eventually realised that expecting him to act rationally and civilly was like me expecting it to rain cupcakes today. Just not going to happen! I eventually expected him to act irrationally. It made it easier for me to keep all contact to a bare minimum - stick to talking about 'business' that needed to be talked about and nothing more. Once we split, I minimised contact as much as possible- we don't have kids so it was much, much easier for me.

Now the divorce is final, I've been NC since September and it is bliss. Hang in there. You will be free of this someday. You have so much to stress you out right now without your A's quacking.

FreeingMyself

I hear you loud and clear...my AH make ridicuous statements about me leaving for work early to go and cheat on him with some mystery person...mind you I am 28 weeks pregnant....and I go to work and come home....he just has to find something to try to tear me apart with!

coffeedrinker

wow, what a way to get you unglued. is this guy's doc crack or meth? that what it reminds me of - during the coming down phase.

i know that part doesn't matter - i'm just always trying to make sense out of things.

i'm sorry you have to go through craziness. i guess i am glad that you put up with him, minimally, for your son during the most difficult times - for your son. but i think you could disengage further while he is being nutso. next time tell him you must hang up now. then do it.