tigger11

Hello my dear SR Family,

It's been a long time since I've started a thread. Didn't have anything much to report. Today, I have something. Not sure I feel up to writing it down, but going to try anyway.

My atty called this evening saying she had a proposal for settlement from STBXAH and his atty. The vast majority was equitable. He wants the house, I get the condo, and he gets all the debt. He wants his vehicle & motorcycle, I get my SUV. He gets everything left in the house, I get all that I took with me to the condo. He wants his wedding ring back (curious, but okay). The only thing not on there, and my atty thought it was an oversight, was he needs to refinance the house and take my name off of it. This really is good news, a fairly equitable divorce settlement proposal. I didn't think he was going to come back with anything remotely fair. Based on what I've heard here and from friends, this seems to be unusual.

So although that’s good news, I’m again (for the zillionth time) painfully feeling the loss, and that complete separation is eminent. My heart mourns while my mind rejoices. They are frequently at odds these days.

Well... the words aren't flowing, and the heart is heavy, so I'm going to stop trying to write for now, and come back later when the brain and the typing fingers are more coordinated.

Hugs to all!
Tigger

nothappy

Oh Tigger, I'm sorry for your pain and I'm celebrating your freedom. I hope you're able to be who you want to be and create the life you want for yourself. Be kind to youself.

PHIZ007

"My heart mourns while my mind rejoices. They are frequently at odds these days"

Gosh I really feel for you and all that you are going through right now. That sentence so rings true for myself at the moment, although I haven't left ....yet. My heart and mind are always at odds these days too.........

I guess my only suggestion is to take each day as it comes and each hurdle as it appears and take very good care of you.......there is nothing easy about this journey atall....but I have read many stories of hope on here and I am wishing you peace and tranquility along the way. Take Care Phiz :0)

bookwyrm

Give yourself some time. You're going through a greiving process. I mourned the loss of my dreams, my plans, my marriage too. I still do on occasion. Be kind to yourself. Let yourself feel the sorrow and acknowledge why you feel like this. It will pass and you can go back to enjoying your freedom!

Pelican

((tigger))

Each step of the process (divorce) brought up fresh feelings of loss, anger, blame, and depression for me. I felt like every conversation with my lawyer was like pulling the scab off a very large wound.

It is a relief when the process finally ends. I never wanted to see or hear from my lawyer again. No more dredging up the past!

We are here for you while you complete this phase of your journey. You are not alone! You are loved and appreciated!!

stella27

Divorce is so hard, honey. I wouldn't live in the house with my stbxah for all the tea in china, and yet...I hate that we are divorcing. I hate the knowledge that I will be divorced. I actually love my life now, but the loss of that dream and the loss of the companionship and co-parent is painful. And what I am doing to my children makes me so sad - even as I know that they have the right to a safe and secure, predictable home with one (reasonably) sane parent. It is just so hard.

Is there something nice you can do for yourself today?

starrynite

Sending you a hug. Divorce was absolutely the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. As time has passed I still find myself mourning every once in awhile. But those times are becoming less frequent and less painful. Take good loving care of you!

Carol Star

It is like surgery with a hacksaw. My divorce was fair too but so painful. Just reading your thread brought up alot of emotion and it has been 2 1/2 yrs. since mine was final. Anniversaries, birthdays,holidays are still rough but are getting better. It is kind of like looking back at pictures. Time lessens the blow. Ce Ce Winans has a song...."take your time 'cause time is what it's gonna take, and one morning you'll awake, and there'll be one less tear, and you'll heal, I know you will."

Chrysalis123

Couldn't have said that any better. Take special care of yourself today.

tigger11

So true, Pel! Very painful

This is my second divorce. Huge sigh. Both alcoholics and emotional abusers. Yes, I'm in counseling to deal with this! My first marriage was for 17 years, and two amazing boys now 16 and 20. When that marriage ended, I was SO ready! However the end of this marriage is, as CarolStar said, like surgery with a hacksaw. Soooo much long term pain.

I'm doing all the right things my Friends. Therapy, prescription meds, exercise, eating mostly right, losing weight (yay!), renewing friendships lost during the 3 year marriage, spending time with my still-at-home son, going back to church. Lots of good stuff. And the pain is slowly, but surely subsiding.

Speaking of which... I'm off to the doctor for a check up on my meds.

Hugs to all, and thank you SO for your amazing support!

Pelican

, losing weight (yay!),

"You know how to tell if you're grieving right? You loose weight without trying."

I don't know where I heard that, but it happened to me!

I don't recommend extreme stress and grief for weightloss, however! Here's to a brighter future!