Sarah2003

Just found out this week that I will be getting laid off from my job. It's not shocking, but I am sad. I've survived about a dozen corporate downsizing events over the past two years...guess it's my turn. I work for a global information technology company and I'm one of fourteen people affected nationwide.

I've been with this company for eight years, and I've made millions for them. I've watched as eight other people in my market alone get cut over the last couple of years, and after me, there will be only one person left to cover several states....my boss. They will be closing my office.

Funny thing is, I can't tell anyone about this. My boss confided in me, informing me that he fought this, but it's irreversible. It's not been announced officially and he has no clue of when I will be informed. Could be tomorrow, could be next Tuesday, could be one month from now. I suspect that it will be before the end of 3rd quarter, so my employer can look good for Q-3 earnings report....declaring how much money will be saved through the downsizing effort.

Yuk.

The good news is that this will get me out of my non-compete, but I don't k now if I want to remain in the consulting industry. I've really struggled during the past several months at work....due to AH and I separating, and trying hard to focus on my recovery. The win and the money in my job just didn't seem as important to me. Even without trying, I was still able to pull in 100K/month in sales for my company. I've lost the passion for doing what I was very good at.

Not sure what I'll do, but until then, I have to continue to work, attend meetings and conference calls, talk to my peers throughout the country and pretend that this is not happening. I took a vacation day today and did nothing. Couldn't face it....pretending to be *up.*

At least I could vent here, and share this with you. Thanks for letting me vent. I appreciate your support.

Peace,

S

Gabe

worth of sympathy. I was laid off twice (from two different jobs) due to downsizing. It is a very helpless feeling. At least you got some advance notice so you can start looking around for another job. I hope this doesn't cause too much of a financial difficulty for you. My hardest part of working through the layoff thing was feeling "expendable" and "unappreciated". Just remember that you are a valuable person as you work your way through all this. I will say a prayer that things work out well for you.
Peace,
Gabe

Sarah2003

Thanks, Gabe. It is a helpless feeling. I've never been laid off or let go from any job in my life, and it is a humbling experience. Yes, I do have concerns about finances. My boss told me to expect at least three months severence, plus I have over a month of vacation time. That will help, but a large chunk of my salary is monthly commissions, which I won't get with my severence....just my salary, which I am grateful for. Many people don't get that.

AH still has his apartment. This situation may need to change sooner than we....I.....had planned. He did call me today to tell me he booked me a day at spa. Wanted me to go today, but just didn't feel like it. That was very sweet and thoughtful of him. He's never done anything like that before. I feel guilty using it, knowing that it's time to start counting pennies.

I'm confident that I can get a new job at another consulting firm, doing what I do now, but I don't think that's what I want. I don't seem to be driven by money or power anymore. I'm thinking about the possibility of going to one of my clients and inquire about a relationship manager position. Or, maybe I'll go back into Social Work, which is what I did for 13 years before jumping into the corporate world.

Through my healing/recovery process during the past 8 months, I've learned that my entire identity is based on my successful career....on winning, being the best. That's where my confidence and self-esteem grew. Didn't have it in my marriage. Didn't have it without MY JOB.

Now I know that who I am is NOT what I do for a living. That is huge for me. And now I know that I want to do something that will allow me an opportunity to *make a difference.* I want to do something that I LOVE. I want to, once again, believe that work should be a three letter word...F-U-N.

Guess it's time to get my resume together. Haven't done that for eight years.

I appreciate your support and prayers, Gabe. I am hurt. And I have a difficult time of taking off my "mask" and expressing my hurt and fear. I prefer to pretend that everything is just fine. And that's what got me where I am today! Need to start facing reality!

Hugs,

S

journeygal

(((((Sarah)))))

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, on top of everything else. I can relate so much to your comments about your identity being based on your career. The only area in my life where I'm confident and comfortable in my own skin is at work. There, I'm not controlling, worried about what other people are thinking or doing, and I accept what people say and how they are at face value. I'm not needy, I'm good at what I do, and I've always had high work-esteem.

Even though I know my job doesn't define who I am, I think I would fall apart if I couldn't work anymore. I feel like I wouldn't have that part of me to point to and say, well at least I have it together with my career...

But I admire you for wanting to find something that you enjoy instead of being motivated by money and power. I'm sure you will find something very soon, although I know it sucks to have to stay at your job until they officially lay you off. Ugh.

Hang in there, and remember, God never closes a door without opening a window.

Hugs,
JG

Sarah2003

JG,

Hi there...thanks for the reply. I appreciate your support.

I'm, frankly, surprised at how well I'm handling this. Maybe I'm truly ready to move on, or maybe the shock just hasn't wore off yet! I'm trying to prepare myself either way!

I do believe that God must have some bigger and better things for me planned. You know, I wouldn't mind getting a job at my favorite gardening nursery...just for the employee discount!

Thanks again and take care!

S

Petunia

S

I hear what you are saying - and feel like you are telling my story. Was in software sales and let my job performance and success determine my worth. Helped build a company that was acquired for a bunch of money (several $100m - I finally feel comfortable claiming a part of gaining customers that made us appealing for acquisition - hurrah for growing up!)

I found a job pretty soon after being let go but didn't have the total melt down I had expected - no FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) came true and I had for the first time a sense of peace. Don't get me wrong I did freak out from time to time - but I really believe my HP guided me thru it all.

Now I am making plans to ditch corporate life and start massage therapy training starting in the Spring. Sold all of the stock which I kept ( and kept beating myself up about NOT selling when it was worth more), put money into my house and took out a Home Equity line of credit so I can pay for school. It will come together for you b/c you are doing the work to get healthy. I believe HP helps those who help themselves.

Keep the faith my Dear - and know that I am sending good ju-ju your way.

All the best,

Petunia

Daffodil

((((S)))))

After you've given yourself the gift of the time; may be you can get to the 3 A's of Al-Anon;

Awareness, Acceptence, and then Action

Nothing in GOd's world is by accident.....I believe He has the whole road map and only gives me today because He knows that's all I can handle.....

I worked very hard to become a human being rather than a human doing.....I wore myself out doing, doing, doing.....If I was NEEDED it gave me great job security...After all IF I was needed "they" would never get rid of me....

From the sound of it you're right where you need to be to get to where God wants you to be.....in recovery and growing like everything...

God Bless your human beingness....

JT

God works in our lives.

I fell into a night position when things were awful in my home and it got me away from the turmoil. I spent my days working on me and got out of the middle at night. When I became ready to "come home" a position opened up on days.

That is only one example of how God has taken care of me. You have a wonderful opportunity ahead of you.

Hugs,
JT