Need some help taming my brain
 

Dear SR family,

I'm having a bit of trouble with my brain. My actions are generally getting more and more under control. I don't contact XAH and it's working well for me. But my darn brain...it runs away on me a lot these days, especially around my friends. I find myself imagining or wanting to spend all my time with a person, or imagining various dramatic situations that would somehow strengthen the bonds between us...I see myself getting too involved in someone else's life and though I stop myself, the thoughts recur and recur, despite my best efforts. I have had a few, er, explicit dreams about certain male friends of mine (doh!), and I'm starting to suspect that I am over-indulging in spending time with a few of them.

This is such a tricky thing for me because I KNOW my mind likes to play tricks on me. Though I scold myself internally, I know I tend to focus on *others* instead of myself. I know my boundaries get very easily lost or overlooked if I'm trying to please people. I'm a true blue codie and I'm discovering that the habits are deeply engrained in me. It's a daily struggle to bring the focus back to myself, to right here right now, instead of lauching myself on yet another crusade to "help someone else" or in developping a bit of a crush on a girl/guy friend. It's annoying.

I'm wondering if there's anything I could do to help calm my thoughts. I've never done mediation...would that be useful?

I've never done mediation...would that be useful?

I know for me, if I could figure more ways to quiet my mind and my racing thoughts it would be awesome. Where I am at in my life right now, I am unable or unwilling to practice and spend the time to meditate, I get so antsy! Same thing happens to me in a yoga class- after about 30 minutes I am like - OK gotta go!

I use the techniques I learned in Cognitive Behavior Therapy - examining the thoughts on paper and applying my rational mind to them and then making a very clear decision about whether I want to continue with that line of thinking or let-it-go. Also I need reminding - so having a plan or a little list of things I should be focused on thinking or doing helps me. I always think these lists would be so weird for others to read - but I leave them around (on the calendar- my bulletin board, etc.) and no one seems to notice... they are probably too cryptic or too dull to anyone else!

peace-
b

That is cute and funny, Bernadette!

I think simple breathing meditations and practicing emptying the mind are wonderful. I also find such distractions as reading and playing an online game (slots for me! LOL) helpful.
Rome wasn't built in a day, NoOne, and this is still pretty new. (your separation) You are aware of your patterns so I think that is wonderful. On the "fake it til you make it" theory..I suspect your thinking will catch up with your actions and decisions in time.

hugs!
Live

I have posted about meditation before. I find it wonderfully helpful for doing exactly as you say - stepping out of your mind and developing a neutral observer. Then you are not just drowning in your thoughts, but able to step out and say, "Oh, look. I am obsessing again." or missing or feeling sad or whatever you are doing. It allows you to take actions that are from a healthier place, too.

If you live in a big town, you can see if there is an ashram/buddhist temple/meditation center you could visit.

I went to a free 10 day meditation retreat, which I can highly recommend. They have centers around the country and the world (IM me for details).

It is hard to start meditating. Your rational mind puts up quite a fight. So, while you can learn the basic techniques on YouTube videos, without a support community or regular schedule, its easy to stop doing it.

Good luck!

w