SadButHopeful

End of the line, I can't do it anymore. AH said he was going to start going to meetings. Good luck to him. I told him today that I want a divorce.

FindingPeace1

Wow. That sounds like a brave action on your part. How are you feeling?

stella27

(((hugs))) Thinking of you.

Cowgirl1265

What Stella said. We are here.

ItsmeAlice

When you know, you know.

I am so sorry that you have had to make this decision. The healthy path is often very frightening to initially trod down. The good news is that once you being making healthy choices for yourself, they become easier, and the going gets much smoother over time.

We are here listening, please keep posting how your are feeling. You will find support here.

Alice

Bolina

Good for you!!

I know it's hard, but trust me when I say that in 10 years time (actually, make that 1!) you will look back on this day with a "what was I stressing about?" thought in your mind.

There will be many tough days ahead, but just think about yourself and the kids. He's a big boy, he can look after himself. He may not, but he is able and if he is struggling, there is plenty of help out there that is NOT YOU.

nodaybut2day

Sad, I'm glad that you've come to this realization, but I'm also sad for you, because I remember how difficult this phase was for me.

Keep us posted!

TakingCharge999

Loved the resolve!!

Let us know how you are doing ((hugs))

SadButHopeful

Thank you. I left on Tues after the ultimatum on the plants. I took the kids to my parents' house. It's been very difficult but I know that I was holding on for the wrong reasons, for too long. I'm really, really upset but I know that there is no other choice anymore.

gtg bbl

coffeedrinker

those are very difficult words to say. what i hear is "i want a divorce" not "i will want one if..."

many hearts are with you

barb dwyer

****{sad}}}}

freefalling

We are here with/for you. Time for healing -for YOU . And for him - IF he really wants it. The last rehab my STBXAH attended told me I would do him the biggest favour of his life to divorce him. Tree years later and he is still not in a recovery program , but I am getting better and so are my children. It is sad ,but you want a better life for YOU - and you are worth it.

SadButHopeful

Thanks so much for your support!

Well it's been 5 days. I tend to break down in tears in the evenings but I know that this is the right thing. I still love him and it's so much easier to feel compassion from a distance. Now that I've really stepped away and am so detached I realize what an impossible situation I was in and am so glad that I'm out of it.

He's going to the UK soon to be with his family bc he has none here. He hasn't told his dad yet what is going on and has asked me not to contact his parents. I feel that his dad should know, since he's supported us financially, and we've been really close. Should I respect my AH's feelings on this?

So I'm living at my parents' house with all 3 kids, it's crazy but my family is completely supportive and are 100% dedicated to helping me and the kids.

Such a sad situation. I don't know if he'll live over there and not see the kids or what, and he says that he has no idea what he'll do.

Any advice and hugs are welcome!

nodaybut2day

Sad, I'm SO glad you have your family's support through this insanely difficult time.

Regarding your FIL, I'd say the answer to your question depends a lot on your relationship with this man. If you are personally close to him, then perhaps you should tell him what's going on, especially considering the financial aspect.

I have a closer relationship with my x-MIL than I do with XAH; she was the one who told me to leave him and to save my daughter. So, as soon as I made a move, I called her, and we decided that she'd "play dumb" when her son called her. Eventually, he figured it out and resented me for it--of course, but after a while, I realized that it was time for me to separate my relationships from his relationships, and so my relationship with *his* mother was none of his business.

So...maybe trust your instincts on this and do what makes you comfortable.

*hugs* keep updating us day to day. I check in daily for updates on you.

Pelican

Hugs to you and your children (((SBH)))

I remember walking around numb for a while after we split. Just kept saying to myself "Focus, Focus" and "one foot in front of the other".

Jadmack25

Dear {sad}, taking this big step is freeing but so painful and scary, and you will have days when you wonder about it, feel miserable and full of regrets. Hang in there, as lots of us have been thru those hellish days and come thru them.

God bless

coffeedrinker

true. freeing, painful, scary, might have days when you question yourself.

about the fil, i think it matters if you believe your husband wants a little time to process, and so he just wants to be the one to talk to him - which i think is reasonable. sounds like he might be reacting out of anger? perhaps this is something you can talk to him about? i mean, the when and who will let the news out so that you can talk openly.

SadButHopeful

I'm waiting for my fil to hear the news I suppose. He's my stbxah's father after all, so I'll respect that, but I will definately defend myself at some point if I must.

After the first few days of being resolved and angry, I'm still determined to go through with this because the marriage is impossible, but I'm in so much pain. I miss him, but I keep reminding myself that the good memories of him that come to mind are so outweighed by the bad. I'm so angry that he's allowing this to happen. He too thinks that divorce is in order. He doesn't want to change.

Need hugs

GiveLove

:ghug3
You will survive this, sad. And your children with thank you for it some day.

Jadmack25

At this moment you are in what I called "plod mode", where it is one foot dragged after the other, and each weighs a ton. It does get better, but not until you have gone thru the pain and grief of death. Death of the hopes and dreams you once had, death of the marriage and death of the man you thought he was.

Keep plodding on.

God bless