TakingCharge999

Well today XABF has been waltzing all around my place with his Holier than Thou attitude and laughing a lot with ppl he doesn't even get along with ... I was able to turn up the volume of my CD but I still got to hear his idiot comments... stuck at my cubicle otherwise I would have left.

I took deep breaths and am trying to keep doing what I'm doing but ahhhhhhhhh the triggers...... the reminders everything was real.....

Xmas 2008 I hoped Xmas 2009 was going to be better.. at least Xmas 2008 my family came... now in Xmas, new year and now my bday... overly stressed and depressed... UGH!

Maybe its my rollercoaster moods or the recent El Niño storm which has it very rainy and gray this week over here... just.. pass the Codie no more, please...


Blowing my bday candle I wished for God/HP to show me clearly if current partner is worth the hassle... I asked the same for XABF and it was loud and clear... and painful... but lately I feel I spend a much better time by myself.. and current BF doesn't ease things but makes them more stressful...



Thanks you are all a lifeline , thanks for not judging my process... and for making it clear what is it that I want.. PEACE... and yes LTD.. I'm willing to let go of XABF.. of bringing back the dead feelings/memories... and of current BF...


To spend a restful night... wake up and like my life again.. I was already doing that when I was alone...

Now I hear his views and think everything sucks and there's no money and there is no meaning in anything... why do I attach with that pessimism? and why would one want to dettach from the partner, to be grateful when he leaves.. ?

TakingCharge999

I need to wait for my paycheck to go to my therapist again. ...LOL I always go when I'm about to break up with someone...

When I bring things up he tells me I make him feel like a jerk... that he is not...

Oh well, perhaps its as you all say here in SR, I got a different meaning for jerk,

-insisting on sex
-making it a 2 day hassle to wash things he should do (like, HIS clothes?)
-making it "my thing" to be in charge of food
-asking me to "motivate him" to do stuff
-telling me that I should be "the mom" in our home... (I'm the mom of Dolce and Gabanna, that's it!!).. NO THANKS...
-telling me I shouldn't go to US to meet my boss and spend time with my dad because he will miss me

I recall my coworkers saying when they marry they do it to have a lover, cook, cleaning lady for free... yes that is cruel and stupid but I start to wonder if BF thinks the same way....


Then I wonder, maybe I'm also lazy and don't want to work in the relationship and the easy way out is getting him out of my life?

Thanks for listening.

suki44883

Sometimes life is much simpler without any boyfriends.

TakingCharge999

BTW we are not even married and he expects stuff

OH well

I told Impurrfect I would do a simple exercise

-Dealbreakers
-Things that bother me a lot
-Things that bother me but I can live with them
-Things I'd prefer you do
-Things you do that make me feel loved

Then exchange lists and let pass time and see who has more marks and in which "zone" after everything is loud and clear.

TakingCharge999

I would write it down here but its too gross LOL...

I told him about this idea and he said it would be great...

And that I badtrip and "he loves me" ...



suki I agree,



Thanks at least I was able to come back to the present and my current issues no longer the past ones. Whew! now its calm and silent. Oh and I'm supposed to be working... brb...



I may be again a single lady with cats, and guess what it seems great to me....... is it a red flag if I prefer to sleep with them than with the partner??


for listening to my rollercoaster

MsPINKAcres

how about add one to that list . . .

Behaviors I love about my partner (but it can't have the phrase "when he/she's sober" after it)

that was a real eye opener for me - because almost everything I wanted to say - had "when he's clean & sober" after it.

HUGS,
Rita

TakingCharge999

Thanks Japic... I will add that

No longer with an A but I am catching my own behaviors , giving 150% while the other.. .20% tops...

Then its funny, because I say or act Melodybeattie-like or independent (like, going to the gym?? that is "independent" according to him) or planning a weekend activity he is not part of (because I invite him and he's not into it)

.....I'm accused of being selfish and "the kind of people I am" always end up alone....

transformyself

this is a fantastic inventory list!

nowinsituation

TC999 -- I've followed your BF discussions, because they have so mirrored my own. First really serious relationship, after my relationship with my A. And, I let him move in with me, and he is broke and "under"employed. And, and, and..... it's so amazing the similarities.

I kicked him out last night. And he is angry. And my first reaction is to try to understand and appease his anger. And he has no right to be angry at me.... so I told him that. And that's where we are at....

Anyway, hang tough. Keep asking the questions and you will find the answers. Love it that we are all here for each other.

Jadmack25

Dear TC, you say that when you do things, eg; go to the gym etc, you are told "you are acting like you are independant.

YOU ARE INDEPENDANT........YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE INDEPENDANT.

If your bf wants a woman running after him, catering to him hand and foot, and doing nothing for or by herself, then he better go find one; because

YOU ARE AN INDEPENDANT WOMAN......and you do not do SLAVE.

Yes life is much simpler and often a darn sight more pleasant without a bf or so called partner.

I enjoy the company of my RABF, but live in our own units tho in the same complex, so we are independant and able to do what we each want, without tripping over each other. BLISS:

God bless

Impurrfect

(((TC))) - I love your list, and if it's weird to prefer the cats over him, well then we're both weird because right now, I am taking time to figure out ME and my cats are very good at giving me comfort and snuggles.

I just hate that you can't just pick up and move, without having someone "back you"...grrrrr. I'm keeping you in my prayers, that soon whatever XABF does, doesn't matter and that you find a place that is full of peace and serenity for you and you cats.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy