SadButHopeful

Why???? I'm starting to disagree with Al Anon. I don't think I can have compassion any longer for my AH who CHOOSES to live as a drug-using drunk and not get treatment. Compassion for the illness - definitely. Compassion for choosing to let himself go while the family suffers- not anymore.

LaTeeDa

Sometimes anger is what it takes to propel us forward. To get us moving in the direction we need to go. Compassion for him can come later. Sounds to me like you are working on compassion for yourself. That's a good thing, IMO.

L

Jadmack25

Having compassion for yourself more often than not, finally leads to anger.
Anger at the situation, at what is happening to you, at the addiction and the person who is causing it to happen. This leads to action from you, when you work thru your anger and other feelings to where enough is enough for you, and you take steps to stop the pain.
Later you can hopefully, understand, forgive and have compassion for the addicted one.

Hope your feelings are the first steps to giving you the strength to move yourself out of your painful place into where you want to be.

God bless

Spiritual Seeker

We have lots of days to fluctuate our feelings, actions, responses.

Some days anger, sometimes days or weeks or months of detachment, and some days compassion.

heavenlyone

I've felt like this for a long time.

I feel compassion for me, not him.

I know exactly how you feel

gns

For me it was stages.

I was in denial for a long time, then bargaining to try to make it work and accomodate so I can could still keep him and the relationship, so depressed like I have never been in my life, and homicidally angry.

After all that, and after starting to heal myself, and after I had enough emotional distance, and physical distance to no longer be victemized by him,......... that is when I started to feel sorry for how chained to substances and approval, how desperate for approval and how weak he is.

I don't think you can have compassion before you have emotional and physical distance and maybe some healing.

coffeedrinker

you'd have to be the dalai lama or something to have someone come up to you, start hitting you over the head with a stick, or do some hurtful name-calling, and stand there taking it with only feelings of compassion for what demons he must have to make him do this.

you are in acute pain right now. don't second guess yourself right now, question if you're "in the right" or turn yourself inside out trying to be compassionate and understanding. my guess is you are a loving, kind and compassionate person inside, those are the kind they like