Off topic - 28 years... venting..
A jug fills drop by drop
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Off topic - 28 years... venting..
I can't believe I'm 28 now, well I will be at 11:10 AM Central timezone lol
Then I will be 30, double my life... then I'm retired... wow..
Time is indeed short and I feel I haven't enjoyed it as much as I could/can, anyone has had that feeling? or seeing others totally happy over... nothing... I feel dumb as if I didn't get it.
The good thing is that I'm working from home so I got rest from the workplace atmosphere which has been dense. One of the "leaders" came to my place and started yelling his team was really good, almost like Gods (actual words) but that they were not magicians to guess what I needed.. the attitude was really bad and I got engaged.... but at least I didn't apologize for anything. My sister told me coworkers are not friends and you are not there to make anyone happy but to get things done.
I had a spa appointment I got to cancel. I thought about HALT and I feel down for all the 4 reasons. So, tomorrow... today... that is my gift...
:day6
NO EXPECTATIONS
I like to remember my Bdays have been when I've faced my fears and had spiritual experiences, not a fixed date in the calendar.
I can work now that is quiet...
I am in my yoga room and would like to add a futon or some pillows like an Arabesque "lounge" so perhaps I can go window shopping on the weekend
I would decorate all the apartment with things related to yoga, lounge, artistic stuff but BF doesnt like it so at least I got my own room to do whatever and feel like myself again
Thank you for being out there
I feel better even just posting
PS BF said he will help out with stuff, treat me decently in bed, yadda yadda. I put an ultimatum date, 14 Feb. If his disrespect happens again during that period I will end the relationship. He doesnt know this,
The other day when I worked 24 hours straight.. I slept like a baby... opened my eyes and felt much better the next day ...well I was starting to come back to life and there he was insisting on sex already...it was like hey, 5 min of enjoying my rest and you make me start a day feeling sad and uneasy? this is when anger helps move forward
PPS My dad sent me an e card, I don't feel alone now.. makes me sad he will leave far away...and if I ever get married it will be difficult to bring him over here..... oh well
At this point I may be single in FEB so why worry LOL...
PPPS Ughhh, I don't like Xmas, Bdays, etc, when you're supposedly happy with family and friends and plans. Oh wait. I'm around family, dolce and gabanna yes, its a good BDAY thanks to them... They rescued it.
PPPPS Can I say something else? I asked BF to go somewhere for a drink in my bday.. he said "no, its too expensive"
10 dollars.
Then I'm torn, because in one hand I know he's broke and his background has been unfortunate, and on the other he can say the same lovingly "hey sugar, that would be great but these are harsh times... lets do Y instead"
Nope.
Like the team lead "dear ms. munoz, i'm afraid we need to clarify the following request..." ok that is something way different than being blunt and disrespectful
I'm thinking perhaps a foreigner that is hippie and into self improvement, etc would be more suitable for me.... or solitude, I'd also take that one for 10 dollars, Alex.
Then I will be 30, double my life... then I'm retired... wow..
Time is indeed short and I feel I haven't enjoyed it as much as I could/can, anyone has had that feeling? or seeing others totally happy over... nothing... I feel dumb as if I didn't get it.
The good thing is that I'm working from home so I got rest from the workplace atmosphere which has been dense. One of the "leaders" came to my place and started yelling his team was really good, almost like Gods (actual words) but that they were not magicians to guess what I needed.. the attitude was really bad and I got engaged.... but at least I didn't apologize for anything. My sister told me coworkers are not friends and you are not there to make anyone happy but to get things done.
I had a spa appointment I got to cancel. I thought about HALT and I feel down for all the 4 reasons. So, tomorrow... today... that is my gift...
:day6
NO EXPECTATIONS
I like to remember my Bdays have been when I've faced my fears and had spiritual experiences, not a fixed date in the calendar.
I can work now that is quiet...
I am in my yoga room and would like to add a futon or some pillows like an Arabesque "lounge" so perhaps I can go window shopping on the weekend
I would decorate all the apartment with things related to yoga, lounge, artistic stuff but BF doesnt like it so at least I got my own room to do whatever and feel like myself again
Thank you for being out there
I feel better even just postingPS BF said he will help out with stuff, treat me decently in bed, yadda yadda. I put an ultimatum date, 14 Feb. If his disrespect happens again during that period I will end the relationship. He doesnt know this,
The other day when I worked 24 hours straight.. I slept like a baby... opened my eyes and felt much better the next day ...well I was starting to come back to life and there he was insisting on sex already...it was like hey, 5 min of enjoying my rest and you make me start a day feeling sad and uneasy? this is when anger helps move forward
PPS My dad sent me an e card, I don't feel alone now.. makes me sad he will leave far away...and if I ever get married it will be difficult to bring him over here..... oh well
At this point I may be single in FEB so why worry LOL...
PPPS Ughhh, I don't like Xmas, Bdays, etc, when you're supposedly happy with family and friends and plans. Oh wait. I'm around family, dolce and gabanna
yes, its a good BDAY thanks to them... They rescued it.PPPPS Can I say something else? I asked BF to go somewhere for a drink in my bday.. he said "no, its too expensive"
10 dollars.
Then I'm torn, because in one hand I know he's broke and his background has been unfortunate, and on the other he can say the same lovingly "hey sugar, that would be great but these are harsh times... lets do Y instead"
Nope.
Like the team lead "dear ms. munoz, i'm afraid we need to clarify the following request..." ok that is something way different than being blunt and disrespectful
I'm thinking perhaps a foreigner that is hippie and into self improvement, etc would be more suitable for me.... or solitude, I'd also take that one for 10 dollars, Alex.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
:day1
I hope you have a happy, peaceful day today. I wish you contentment and serenity for the coming year - you really do deserve it! Take good care of yourself - do the things you want to do today cos if you can't indulge yourself on your birthday, when can you? You don't need anyone's permission!!
I'm going to be 40 next month - from where I sit, you've still go so much life to live ahead of you, so much more to learn. Your experiences have made you into the person you are today. Nothing you have done is ever a waste if you can look back, reflect a little and learn. You have grown so much since you first came here and you show so much compassion and caring for others in your posts. Time to spend a little of that on you!
I hope you have a happy, peaceful day today. I wish you contentment and serenity for the coming year - you really do deserve it! Take good care of yourself - do the things you want to do today cos if you can't indulge yourself on your birthday, when can you? You don't need anyone's permission!!
I'm going to be 40 next month - from where I sit, you've still go so much life to live ahead of you, so much more to learn. Your experiences have made you into the person you are today. Nothing you have done is ever a waste if you can look back, reflect a little and learn. You have grown so much since you first came here and you show so much compassion and caring for others in your posts. Time to spend a little of that on you!
Recovering Codependant
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Liverpool, Great Britain
Posts: 1,335
I just turned 30 this weekend.
Last year my birthday was horrendous, I had my family around me and we all went out for a meal; which turned into dad having one of his rages across the table and reducing my daughter to sobs and me into complete numb shock.
The year before I didn't do anything. My abf was in court for attacking me and I was still living with him trying to get up courage to take the final plunge and end it.
This year my birthday was wonderful. My very dear friend, whom I have opened up to alot about my history with abf and family took me out for dinner on Friday. She had baked me a birthday cake which the waitress suprised me with. I went to my sisters on the Sat and stayed over then my BIL made us all (me, my daughter, neice, nephew and Sister) pancakes with bacon, mayple syrup, strawberries and blueberries and chocolate sauce. Delicious!
Later my mum and dad came with my presents and we all went out for a meal. Which went wonderfully.
I think the big differences over the last few years is that I have learnt much better how to take care of me and to put my highest good first. My parents haven't changed in their personalities but I think there is beginning to be an understanding that I am not the same 'girl' who will take whatever they throw my way without comment or action to protect myself.
I managed to end my relationship with exabf a month or so after my birthday a few years back. I think it has been 3 years next month, I don't even consider the passage of time. I'm still single and I am still working on me and my life.
This year when I turned 30, I looked back on my 20s and saw a decade where I finally found myself. Mentally, I reached inside of myself and pulled me back into my life and learnt that I am worth it.
My 30s are going to be the years where my life takes shape. Finally free from suffering and my eyes opened to what I can do with my existance and how great that can be.
A birthday is a point I think where we all look back over the last year and contemplate. But it is also the time when we can look forward to every day that has yet to come, like a blank page in a book, ready for us to write our story and only I get to decide what that story will be.
Happy birthday
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Last year my birthday was horrendous, I had my family around me and we all went out for a meal; which turned into dad having one of his rages across the table and reducing my daughter to sobs and me into complete numb shock.
The year before I didn't do anything. My abf was in court for attacking me and I was still living with him trying to get up courage to take the final plunge and end it.
This year my birthday was wonderful. My very dear friend, whom I have opened up to alot about my history with abf and family took me out for dinner on Friday. She had baked me a birthday cake which the waitress suprised me with. I went to my sisters on the Sat and stayed over then my BIL made us all (me, my daughter, neice, nephew and Sister) pancakes with bacon, mayple syrup, strawberries and blueberries and chocolate sauce. Delicious!
Later my mum and dad came with my presents and we all went out for a meal. Which went wonderfully.
I think the big differences over the last few years is that I have learnt much better how to take care of me and to put my highest good first. My parents haven't changed in their personalities but I think there is beginning to be an understanding that I am not the same 'girl' who will take whatever they throw my way without comment or action to protect myself.
I managed to end my relationship with exabf a month or so after my birthday a few years back. I think it has been 3 years next month, I don't even consider the passage of time. I'm still single and I am still working on me and my life.
This year when I turned 30, I looked back on my 20s and saw a decade where I finally found myself. Mentally, I reached inside of myself and pulled me back into my life and learnt that I am worth it.
My 30s are going to be the years where my life takes shape. Finally free from suffering and my eyes opened to what I can do with my existance and how great that can be.
A birthday is a point I think where we all look back over the last year and contemplate. But it is also the time when we can look forward to every day that has yet to come, like a blank page in a book, ready for us to write our story and only I get to decide what that story will be.
Happy birthday
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
7
:day2
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Wow, a lot of birthdays this weekend!
Mine is tomorrow. I will be 48.
The good news, TC, is this: My 30's were ten times better than my 20's. And my 40's, so far, have been ten times better than that. I am stronger, in better shape, smarter, more serene, and some say, more attractive than I've ever been -- because I know what's important now (in my very cells) and am no longer willing to accept a substandard life even for a minute.
This is what you have to look forward to, if you stay on your healing path. Isn't that nice?
Big hugs to you today :ghug3
Mine is tomorrow. I will be 48.
The good news, TC, is this: My 30's were ten times better than my 20's. And my 40's, so far, have been ten times better than that. I am stronger, in better shape, smarter, more serene, and some say, more attractive than I've ever been -- because I know what's important now (in my very cells) and am no longer willing to accept a substandard life even for a minute.
This is what you have to look forward to, if you stay on your healing path. Isn't that nice?
Big hugs to you today :ghug3
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: MASSACHUSETTS
Posts: 441
You are so young and have come so far. Listen to your sister, she is right, Co-workers are not friends. You obviously have alot to offer that company and tell Mr. sput it off that him and his team are not God.
Keep on keepin on and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Keep on keepin on and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
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