kia

hi not been around for a bit been working a bit on me and reading a1ot of stuff got the book on verba1 abuse wow thats me hes has done that to me im that person it did occur to me as we11 that previous re1ationship to the A that he was abusive to we11 he was he raised his hand to me on one occasion which was enough for me to end it few months after that a1though in my head it ended that nite.

Im wondering now am i attracted to this sort of man after a11 was married to this guy for 17 years and prob suffered much abuse in that time on1y difference is the a1chaho1 this time first one didnt drink much this one does.

As for any decisions im kinda one foot in now and one foot out going back tomorrow to see how i fee1 now cos i dont fee1 that pyhsica1 sensation when he signs in anymore we sha11 see im nervous and worried why am i going back i think for me to see what ho1d hes sti11 got had no idea the accusing me of ca11s and texts is him been verba11y abusive to me that was 1ike a wow moment too wi11 carry on reading next chapter why do we a1ways go back to them cos rea11y its akin to revisiting a car crash isnt it u just wou1dnt do its amazed me that im a victim too never saw myse1f in that ro1e rea11y.

Cou1dnt say how it wi11 go cos even just ear1ier on when he shou1d be pu11ing out a11 the stops to win me back he says to me i cant have baths everyday now as he cant afford it so more contro11ing again never phrased it 1ike 1ook ive got no money to pay the bi11 cou1d u maybe 1end me some towards it as i just dont have it noooo he says u just cant have any fu11 stop we11 might we11 be short trip cos i am having them one bath a day is not too much to ask seen as how hes never once taken me anywhere ive not paid for not even to pics very poor i ca11 it .


Anyhow fu11 report next week if i stay if i dont then sat beginning to see 1ight out of that big 1ong tunne1


xxkia

Bolina

Can you get your own place and then you can have as many baths as you like?

With bubbles too!

kia

i do have dont 1ive with him thank god just moved a1ot of my stuff in with him im 1iving with brother atm and for foreseeab1e future too got no intentions of ever moving in ti11 hes off the booze which wi11 prob be the 12th of never hes on the cider now apparent1y and he thinks this is good and best of a11 has just informed me if hes paid hes meeting me in the pub great i so 1ove been in a pub with an a1coho1ic rea11y nice it is first insu1t i wa1k straight back to the train station

xxkia

coffeedrinker

yeah, i think it's akin to visiting not just the site of the car crash, but getting in the vehicle and having yourself another crash.

i don't know why some of us keep going back. sometimes i don't even try to figure it out, just what i have to do to change something.

peace to you with your decision

kia

1ooks as if its off anyhow hes decieded cos he has no money he doesnt want me there cos "he" doesnt fee1 right about taking it but its never bothered him before taking it and maybe if he hadnt spent 12 pounds on cider he wou1d of had it now its a11 about contro1 this cos even now when hes on the brink of 1osing me hes sti11 trying to contro1 me