nodaybut2day

K, so tomorrow is *the* day where things will come to a head with XAH. After our blow-out on Sunday, I had assumed he wouldn't want to see me or talk to me, even if it meant missing his visitation with DD. But, the man is talented at operating in the midst of chaos, so visitation continues, and minimal contact does as well.

He just called me to ask me for that damn custody proposal I drafted. Well, he demanded and threatened, as usual, saying that my time was up, that he'd called his lawyer, yadda yadda yadda. I do agree that he will need time to read the 6 page document I drafted before we can even begin to discuss it. So I agreed to let him have a look at it tonight, before mediation tomorrow. One of two things can happen:
a) he'll read it and freak out/laugh/get drunk, call me to berate me about it and not show up to mediation, in which case my lawyer has advised me to begin legal proceedings against him.
b) he'll read it and be somewhat ok with it/want to nail me about it in public, and show up to mediation to argue (his favourite sport). If it goes well, then yay for all involved but if it doesn't go well and we can't come to an agreement, then I serve him.

All things considered, I think I'm being VERY generous in offering joint legal custody and demanding primary residential custody to a highly functional alcoholic and rageoholic.

Oyah, and c) if he serves me with custody papers, apparently, because of the way the Quebec legal system is set up, it might actually be to my advantage (so says my new fabulous lawyer).

Legally speaking, it seems that there's nothing "dangerous" happening right now. I've been freaking myself out for nothing. I can get served. I can even turn around and serve him after he serves me. I can just plain serve him. It all depends on what happens tonight/tomorrow.

Oh and (snickering here), it's apparently in my favour that XAH's Xwife is currently looking for him for several years of unpaid child support. My lawyer even told me I could go ahead and give Xwife XAH's contact info if I wanted. I think I'll wait though...

SO, I just need a bit of courage for tonight and tomorrow night. I know it's nothing scary; I just can't keep my heart from beating a bit faster than usual. Anyone got any chocolate?

LaTeeDa

First, I'm glad you got a new fabulous lawyer.

Second, just because you feel you need to give him the agreement to read ahead of time, doesn't mean you have to engage with him. In fact, if I were you, I would give it to him and make it clear that any discussion of it will take place in mediation. Then, go have yourself a peaceful evening with some chocolate.

L

transformyself

Yay! double Yay!

nodaybut2day

Hahah LaTeeDa and anvilhead...you guys rock my world.

You're right of course. I can just throw the enveloppe with the Dreaded Custody Proposal OF DOOM at him when I pick DD up tonight, and drive on home, to the land of Corn Pops and chocolate chunk cookies.

anvilhead...I didn't even know there WAS a codie bus! Mind you, at the rate the membership of SR grows, we might need a fleet of buses, trailers and limos for all us codies.

And where can I get me my own "hutzpah"? Does it make you fat? Is there any "hutzpah light"? :p

wanting

You're doing great! Yes, I'd say give him the papers on your way out and then turn off your phone until mediation! I hope it all goes well.

ItsmeAlice

I agree! Toss that draft over your shoulder and keep on walking with DD out the door. He wants to see it so bad so be it. Let him ruminate on it all night.

You...shut the phone off. DO NOT TAKE HIS CALLS! You are unavailable for discussion on the subject. That is what mediation is for. Productive discussion. He has no ability to rationally discuss anything with you privately that's why you're in mediation to begin with.

Opposing sides in court get disclosure of what each is going to present in court. He'll get his full disclosure and he'll have his say with the mediator to respond to it. Don't let him argue his case to you outside of that. It only brings pain, anxiety, and DRAMA!

* My snack bag is waiting by the door. I've got my steel toed butt kickin' booties on, and I'll be ready to hop on the bus. Toot the horn when you round the bend!!

Alice

stella27

I agree - don't take his calls tonight and don't get sucked into an argument tomorrow.
We are all right there with you.

wicked

When I read the highlighted part, I laughed out loud. Really.
dum dee dum da dum
the proposal of doooooooom!
with your wicked sense of humor, you will be fine.
hilarious.

rdy4change

You go girl! Give him the papers and let him desperately try to reach you...no doubt to try and shake you before tomorrow. But you aren't going to let that happen this time are you?? You'll get a good night's sleep and be well rested for tomorrow. Sit at the table and smile ever so slightly the entire time...that oughta get him.

Be sure to let us know how it goes!

coyote21

I went through TWO brutal, 6 hour each, custody battles with LMC's mom. Apparently active alcoholics make the best parents, in their own minds of course. It was without a doubt the worst thing I had ever gone through.

I prayed to my HP to please let the outcome be what ever was best for LMC, NOT what would be best for me. Then I let go of the out come.

Turns out what was best for her was also best for me.

I had 30+ Alanon friends praying for us. I had the whole congregation of a church that I don't even go to, doing some kind of a mass phone call prayer thingie for us.

And as I sat there scared sh!tless, I visualized a giant pair of gentle looking "God hands", like you see clasped together in prayer, only open at the top. I visualized me picking up LMC and putting her into those gentle, loving hands. And then putting one of my hands on the top and kind of vaulting in after her.

I'll add you and LMNDB2D to my morning prayer list.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

isurvived

Personally, I wouldn't extend the opportunity to have him evaluate the draft in advance! But that is just me. I learned from my experience not to give an inch, cause he always took a mile!
As for tomorrow, go forth with confidence, you'll do just fine. You've got sanity on your side. Mediators can see it clearly!

isurvived

Oh yeah... turning OFF the phone is a super idea.

It works wonders!

transformyself

YOu're in such a different place than you were just a few weeks ago. You're more confident. You have a clearer picture of where you've been and where you want to go. You've done so much work. I'm very proud of you.

coffeedrinker

make sure the bus stops at my house! you go, noday

PHIZ007

great advice and support above just wanted to add to the sending you strength and courage......you are going great! Take Care...Phiz :0)

spinner

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Spinner, just over the border in Ottawa and ready to jump on that bus

wicked

Ah yes, perfect rdy4change.
the "mona lisa" i-know-something-you-don't-know smile.
serenely, sweetly but not sickly (from corn pops and chocolate) smile.
:ghug3

nodaybut2day

Well, last night was quiet, probably because it took XAH a long time to tear apart the excessively well scealed enveloppe I stashed the Dreaded Custody Proposal OF DOOM in.

This morning however, the calls keep rollin' in boys and girls. As early as 7 a.m. and now repeatedly at my office. Thank goodness for caller ID.

I'd like to say it's all rolling off my back, but I woke up this morning at 5 a.m. with killer heartburn and am now battling waves of nausea.

Yeah baby, I'm *super strong*, can't ya tell?! Pass the Pepto...

suki44883

You're doing great! Don't give in and talk to him before mediation. Make him wait. ((((HUGS))))

wicked

Oh, this is just magical. LOL I imagined him hair askew, panting, trying to get to the
dum dee dum..... THE DCP of DOOM!
You are doing fantastic noday.
Don't you worry bout a thing. You have this well in hand.

My ex would call incessantly too, cause he knew the ringer would bother me.
Wow, did he get bothered when I just turned off the ringer! LOL

Just imagine him all worked up about it. Take some Pepto and know that all is well.