coffeedrinker

the intensity won't last. we're with ya

stella27

If he harasses you, you can ALWAYS, ALWAYS go to communication regarding baby girl in email or text only.

I found that the quacking really sets me off-kilter and sets me waaayyy back in my autonomy and confidence in my decisions, so I have to protect myself from it.

Thinking of you today.

nodaybut2day

All the calls and texts and messages boil down to this: XAH wants *me* to call the mediator to reschedule and for *me* to email him the proposal so he can write down notes on the document *I* drafted.

I refuse via email. Tell him to bring his objections to mediation, which is what mediation is for. Also tell him to either call the mediator himself or I'll simply go.

Things get nasty.

• "I'm not going to mediation to discuss your sole custody. I've already said that"
• "What you handed me was a joke and evidence that you have been lying to me since before you moved out. Not to mention it is very one sided"
• "If you want to go to mediation, then by all means go. I won't be there as we currently have no proposal to discuss"
• "FYI, I let Kye read your proposal. He hates you, I quote "she's a liar and she's taking my sister away""

That last one was a low blow, I know. I'm trying to keep my cool. I'm not quite sure what to do, so I forwarded one of the messages to my lawyer, asking for advice. Court it is then?

Help?

suki44883

Manipulation, manipulation, manipulation. Talk to your lawyer and see what she says. If it were me, I'd just have him served and then let your lawyer do her job.

isitme

I think you already know the answer.. stop contact and remember your words from yesterday....

a) he'll read it and freak out/laugh/get drunk, call me to berate me about it and not show up to mediation, in which case my lawyer has advised me to begin legal proceedings against him.

I know you'll be strong today. I would show up at that mediation with papers in hand and let the proceedings roll..

nodaybut2day

isitme...you're absolutely right. War it is. Ick. Guess I couldn't be the good guy after all

isitme

But you are the good guy because your doing what's best for you and for your child. How that can be considered bad I'm not sure. But I know all of us on this "codie bus" think YOUR GREAT! :ghug3

yukonm

You are in my thoughts and prayers today.

wanting

Save that email to show in court. I'm sure a judge would be thrilled to see how he's involved his son in adult matters and is using him to get to you emotionally. The judge may actually hand him a father-of-the-year shirt or trophy.

stella27

Do you need to show up to mediation so that it's clear who's unwilling to work on anything?

And remember that: "everybody hates you and thinks you're weird" is a VERY common thing they say, apparently.

It's designed to make you wonder if you are the crazy one since "everyone else" (like a 12 year old child, dependent on his dad for room and board and approval) thinks you're wrong.

You do what's right!

ItsmeAlice

His response comes as no surprise all the way down to his son's supposed remarks. Very pathetically expected if you ask me.

He thinks the proposal is one sided. Hate to break it to you, AH, but when one side presents their case to the mediator that's all they present...their side. He doesn't want to present his case, kiddo, because his side is full of empty promises, threats, emotional manipulation, and bad parenting. He'll have to dig to eek out the positive points on his behavior.

If he refuses to go to mediation then let him avoid it. You attend the mediation and present your side as you are supposed to. The case will go forward accordingly. When it comes down to who followed the rules and who threw a fit, the judge will know the truth. He doesn't want to face what he doesn't like? Well, that's nothing new.

Stay strong. Keep moving forward. He's just trying to hold you back and control the outcome by making demands of you, but you know that's not the state of current affairs, you are your own woman now.

Alice

nodaybut2day

I don't think I need to do this. From what the mediator tells me, all he can write on his report is: Mediation failed or Mediation successful as per the agreement below. No mention of who behaved how.

I'm still waiting for my lawyer's response, but I assume it would be bad form not to call the mediator and tell him XAH doesn't want to come anymore.

This is the only part that makes me sad. I saw my stepson just yesterday and he beamed at me while waving happily. I truly don't want to rob him of a relationship with his sister, but I can't just let XAH have his way and mess up yet another child. Perhaps some day when my stepson is old enough to question his father's b.s., and wonder why all the women his father dated/married ran away screaming, he'll come see me to get the truth. Until then, I have to (yet again) keep my mouth shut and stay away from him.

suki44883

for future ref.....i'd suggest that you not discuss ANY of these proceedings with AH any more. period. you kinda showed your hand there by giving him the draft, thinking you were doing the FAIR thing. you should realize by now FAIR is off the table. speak ONLY to your attorney.....and cease to engage ANY further with the AH.

that's just my two cents.....

Mine, too!

wicked

Well, wouldn't it still be beneficial for you to show up? Especially if he doesn't.

yes, bad form on your XAH. He is doing exactly what you expected. Having a tantrum.
I believe there is a special place for parents who involve their children in adult matters.
My ex is there now. He lives in another state, with an alcoholic woman and barely any relationship with his children. He made this place for himself. I hope he is enjoying it.

oh yes, i agree with anvilhead.
not your problem at all! his bad form!

nodaybut2day

Upon reflection, I have decided to go to mediation, if only to close the door on that "option" with resounding finality. Once we've clarified the fact that XAH won't show up, then the mediator can go ahead and finalize his report. I'm a bit concerned that XAH will show up drunk and cause a scene, but I've asked my father to come with me so I'm not alone to face the situation.

Thank you for all the wonderful support oozing in from the Codie Bus...coupled with the hot chocolate and the chocolate-rasberry cupcake I'm scarfing down, it's REALLY helping me cope

hello-kitty

As far as custody goes, that would probably be a good thing.

rdy4change

This made me chuckle a little. I'm sure he did want it so he could change it and then it would have been a version of he said/she said and there would have been a question of which document was the 'original'. I was just reading something about documenting everything in handwriting so any modifications would be clearly noticable.

I agree with the previous posts...keep your appt., don't give him any more advanced copies of anything and cut off communication whenever you can. Keep pushing forward...you're doing great!

Jadmack25

He is behaving true to form and as predicted isn't he? Sending you the txt messages and mail that was expected from the tantrum tossing, manipulating moron he is....and I suggest these are given to your lawyer and shown to mediator as evidence that NO MATTER how polite and fair you are, HE WILL NOT LISTEN to you.

Dragging his son into it is just more proof that he is not interested in anyone but himself, and is happy to cause even his son unhappiness in his bid to manipulate you.
He has a stinking record as a father with the kids he has dumped, now using this child as a pawn in his fight to get to your baby. Some dad...I don't think.

Whether he does not go today, does go and is a ranting raving fool or is drunk as....is his choice and business...NOT YOURS. Whichever it is, will not do your case any harm and in fact will just prove he is unstable and impossible to deal with.

If it were me, I would use what you have to stop his contact with your child right now, citing his txts and email threats and explaining that you fear for her safety as he is emotionally unstable, irrational and could do anything.

Then I would cut all contact with him, as it is just upsetting and unproductive.

Give your legal affairs to your lawyer to manage and leave it all to HP to take care of in His usual perfect way....so do not worry.

I have packed my bag, made a picnic lunch and am ready for our Codie bus to pick me up.

God bless

transformyself

Well it's a good thing you're moving out of that arena. There needs to be documentation, analysis and a ruling based on who behaved how.

I hope you're doing well. And, I hope you're proud. YOu've come so far and are doing all the right things.