Sad*Depressed*Hopeless
miyah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 70
Sad*Depressed*Hopeless
Yesterday was bad. Even though I drove all the way to the city (75 miles) to go shopping, I did not enjoy it.
Every place I went, was somewhere I had been with him. CRAP.
I tried to go new places, like to look for a different car, but I just sat there in my truck and could not find the energy to deal with salepeople.
This rig I drive was a project we did together. I have been thinking I would like to have something without all the memories. But apparently my behind was glued to the seat.
When I got home I just sat around miserable. WHY???
Why would I feel so lost without someone who was abusive and mean to me at times?
Someone who chose to drink to get through the days?
Every place I went, was somewhere I had been with him. CRAP.
I tried to go new places, like to look for a different car, but I just sat there in my truck and could not find the energy to deal with salepeople.
This rig I drive was a project we did together. I have been thinking I would like to have something without all the memories. But apparently my behind was glued to the seat.
When I got home I just sat around miserable. WHY???
Why would I feel so lost without someone who was abusive and mean to me at times?
Someone who chose to drink to get through the days?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Because once you have been in it for a while, it's comfortable to you on some level. Even as you hate the mistreatment. It's all you know, and it's where you are accustomed to being.
Separation and detachment call for some growing pains while we separate from a comfortable (on some level) life.
I think you should pat yourself on the back for going as far as you did. For feeling the pain. next time you will be able to do a little more.
It's not easy. But it is worth it. You are worth it.
Separation and detachment call for some growing pains while we separate from a comfortable (on some level) life.
I think you should pat yourself on the back for going as far as you did. For feeling the pain. next time you will be able to do a little more.
It's not easy. But it is worth it. You are worth it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 61
Ohhh, miyah, (((hugs)))
I know how hard it can be to be alone with your feelings--overwhelming at times. You are doing some good things for yourself, and thinking about changes that will help you along the way. Baby steps! Thank you for sharing about your day. It's so easy to say, and yet sometimes hard to accept, but with time things will be easier. I, too, have tried to lose myself in shopping or busyness to little avail. But at least you didn't sit around the house all day feeling sorry for yourself! Keep coming back to SR. We're here for you.
jc
I know how hard it can be to be alone with your feelings--overwhelming at times. You are doing some good things for yourself, and thinking about changes that will help you along the way. Baby steps! Thank you for sharing about your day. It's so easy to say, and yet sometimes hard to accept, but with time things will be easier. I, too, have tried to lose myself in shopping or busyness to little avail. But at least you didn't sit around the house all day feeling sorry for yourself! Keep coming back to SR. We're here for you.
jc
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
yes, every song that has any kind of memory attached, the places you have been are everywhere, the park where you rested on the grass together, the court where you whipped him at tennis.....
it's just plain tough. i know that the sadness starts to diminish because all of these good people who have been there have said it is so.
why are you feeling lost? lots of reasons. if he was always abusive you wouldn't miss him, but he has been wonderful at times too. that's the part you miss
it's just plain tough. i know that the sadness starts to diminish because all of these good people who have been there have said it is so.
why are you feeling lost? lots of reasons. if he was always abusive you wouldn't miss him, but he has been wonderful at times too. that's the part you miss
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
miyah, I am you a year later, with all those triggers..... it sucks!!
BUT LIFE GETS SOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!
I still pass nearby some places and think 'ughhhhhhhhhh' but it looks surreal now... it starts becoming a nightmare I was able to get out of.
Be gentle with yourself. If outside triggers are too much, stay home, read Melody beattie, hug your teddy bear, read Garfield, cook something you like. Just because you enjoy it. Go to AA/Alanon.... I had an AA nearby and many days I just woke up to be able to go to the meeting... and I always felt better afterwards.......
HUGS!!
BUT LIFE GETS SOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!
I still pass nearby some places and think 'ughhhhhhhhhh' but it looks surreal now... it starts becoming a nightmare I was able to get out of.
Be gentle with yourself. If outside triggers are too much, stay home, read Melody beattie, hug your teddy bear, read Garfield, cook something you like. Just because you enjoy it. Go to AA/Alanon.... I had an AA nearby and many days I just woke up to be able to go to the meeting... and I always felt better afterwards.......
HUGS!!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Pain
And a woman spoke, saying, "Tell us of Pain."
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
by Carl Jung
And a woman spoke, saying, "Tell us of Pain."
And he said:
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
by Carl Jung
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
oh my goodness, takingcharge, that reading totally brought tears to my eyes. it is so powerful, so personal and so true.
if ever we could say "thank you for the painful lesson, because i know it IS a lesson"
we would be in such a great place!
thank you so much
if ever we could say "thank you for the painful lesson, because i know it IS a lesson"
we would be in such a great place!
thank you so much
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Miyah, Sweet Girl -
I know it's impossibly difficult. I'm where you are only about a week ahead. Forget a day at a time. Sometimes it's all I can do to get through a minute. Drag yourself out of bed in the morning, make yourself shower, go to work, hit a trigger on the way and melt into tears so badly you can't see the road. I know baby, I know.
Sweetie, have you seen your doctor? My friend Live said something like; you've been through a horrifically tragic event. It's rather like a death. Please go see your doctor and tell her/him how you're feeling and what you're going through and get something to tide you over. Please do that for me!?
Your posts and your writing tell me you're a very wise, strong, thoughtful woman. You can and you WILL get through this. Yes, our SR friends tell us it takes time. I think it really does... plenty of time, and getting better in little bits at a time. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel the things that you're feeling. It's OKAY to be feeling all that you're feeling. It's okay to ask for help. From SR, from a counselor, from your doc, from friends, family, Al-Anon... whatever.
Love to you, dear one.
Tigg
I know it's impossibly difficult. I'm where you are only about a week ahead. Forget a day at a time. Sometimes it's all I can do to get through a minute. Drag yourself out of bed in the morning, make yourself shower, go to work, hit a trigger on the way and melt into tears so badly you can't see the road. I know baby, I know.
Sweetie, have you seen your doctor? My friend Live said something like; you've been through a horrifically tragic event. It's rather like a death. Please go see your doctor and tell her/him how you're feeling and what you're going through and get something to tide you over. Please do that for me!?
Your posts and your writing tell me you're a very wise, strong, thoughtful woman. You can and you WILL get through this. Yes, our SR friends tell us it takes time. I think it really does... plenty of time, and getting better in little bits at a time. Be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to feel the things that you're feeling. It's OKAY to be feeling all that you're feeling. It's okay to ask for help. From SR, from a counselor, from your doc, from friends, family, Al-Anon... whatever.
Love to you, dear one.
Tigg
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Stella said:
I think you should pat yourself on the back for going as far as you did. For feeling the pain. next time you will be able to do a little more.
It's not easy. But it is worth it. You are worth it. I agree!
That was an adventure. It was not as rewarding as you expected. But you did put forth the effort to do something with your day.
Be gentle with yourself. HP may have kept your behind glued to that seat for a reason. Saved you from a bad deal on that rig, maybe.
(((miyah)))
I'm going to use the T word: time
Keep working on appreciating you and loving you Miyah! You are worth the time and effort!
I think you should pat yourself on the back for going as far as you did. For feeling the pain. next time you will be able to do a little more.
It's not easy. But it is worth it. You are worth it. I agree!
That was an adventure. It was not as rewarding as you expected. But you did put forth the effort to do something with your day.
Be gentle with yourself. HP may have kept your behind glued to that seat for a reason. Saved you from a bad deal on that rig, maybe.
(((miyah)))
I'm going to use the T word: time
Keep working on appreciating you and loving you Miyah! You are worth the time and effort!
miyah
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 70
Thank you, everyone. I do feel better tonight. I have been chatting with an old friend online, she is very funny.
Time will help no doubt- you are right Tigger, just getting through the next few minutes is a challenge at times.
I thought about seeing the DR. just a bit unnerved at the thought of taking something and being less than alert, with knowing that "someone" was in my yard last week.
Hopefully, in a couple weeks I can go to Florida and hang with my sis for awhile. I so want to get out of here.
Hugs to you all.
Time will help no doubt- you are right Tigger, just getting through the next few minutes is a challenge at times.
I thought about seeing the DR. just a bit unnerved at the thought of taking something and being less than alert, with knowing that "someone" was in my yard last week.
Hopefully, in a couple weeks I can go to Florida and hang with my sis for awhile. I so want to get out of here.
Hugs to you all.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
I am still with my AH so dont have direct experience of how you feel today but I can imagine....some days are easier than others in this journey we are all taking at a different pace.
Go with your feelings for today....have a nice bubble bath, read, relax...the shopping can wait! and see what tomorrow brings! I wish you sunshine and peace ...take one step at a time.......some days it feels like I have taken 200 steps back almost over night but I I am learning to just keep moving forward a little each day and SR keeps me sane!....take Care...Phiz :0)
Go with your feelings for today....have a nice bubble bath, read, relax...the shopping can wait! and see what tomorrow brings! I wish you sunshine and peace ...take one step at a time.......some days it feels like I have taken 200 steps back almost over night but I I am learning to just keep moving forward a little each day and SR keeps me sane!....take Care...Phiz :0)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 285
I read somewhere here on SR...
Time takes time.
It sooo sucks but it is true.
Making a decision to move on is one thing but for your heart and soul to heal and catch up is another.
Focus on you. Do things you like. Make a new history for yourself. A new story
Hugs
Time takes time.
It sooo sucks but it is true.
Making a decision to move on is one thing but for your heart and soul to heal and catch up is another.
Focus on you. Do things you like. Make a new history for yourself. A new story
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Jordan, MN
Posts: 91
Put one foot in front of the other ...
and you will get closer to "owning" yourself again. I did it!! I got over the Abusive DRY ExBF. I also got rid of the GFs that betrayed me because XBF charismatically manipulated them. I called them my personal exercises for healthy growth. CODA helped a lot too. My favorite book that helped empower me whenever I felt weak was "Men Who Love Bitches" (BITCH - Babe In Total Control of Herself!) I would just open that book up to any page and it seemed to be something that I needed to read right then.
I agree with everyone that TIME will help ... but you ALSO need to take ACTION. Put one foot in front of the other and before you know it you are walking tall and taking nice steady strides!
I agree with everyone that TIME will help ... but you ALSO need to take ACTION. Put one foot in front of the other and before you know it you are walking tall and taking nice steady strides!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Somewhere they say "imagine you are the main actor in a movie and your job is to keep the audience entertained and surprised"
So now the audience is Silent. Some are betting "no, miyah won't recover from this, now it will be awfully painful" and some others are hopeful and are betting on the heroine to see what battle she wins today!!!!!
As Live told me, "you are still writing your own story" and so it is...
Watching "la femme nikita" or any "female kicks ass" movie or reading the diary of the wife of Che Guevara (or any woman you find interesting and strong) helped me a lot...
Keep talking to your friends!! just by chatting with one you are already years ahead from who I was then... I wish I could bring you here, I am admiring the night sky, it is very silent, a BF (who has his things but at least he has no addictions..) sleeps next door and my two cats are sleeping next to me... and I would have NEVER imagined life had good things in store for me... I thought that was it.. I'm glad I stuck around to see what else would happen to me... well, here it is! a moment of PEACE! its priceless.
This too, shall pass
So now the audience is Silent. Some are betting "no, miyah won't recover from this, now it will be awfully painful" and some others are hopeful and are betting on the heroine to see what battle she wins today!!!!!
As Live told me, "you are still writing your own story" and so it is...
Watching "la femme nikita" or any "female kicks ass" movie or reading the diary of the wife of Che Guevara (or any woman you find interesting and strong) helped me a lot...
Keep talking to your friends!! just by chatting with one you are already years ahead from who I was then... I wish I could bring you here, I am admiring the night sky, it is very silent, a BF (who has his things but at least he has no addictions..) sleeps next door and my two cats are sleeping next to me... and I would have NEVER imagined life had good things in store for me... I thought that was it.. I'm glad I stuck around to see what else would happen to me... well, here it is! a moment of PEACE! its priceless.
This too, shall pass
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Hey Girl
I've got great news! These cycles will decrease in intensity. I just went through one, I was a bit sad, wishing I knew what he's doing and wtih whom. Feeling abandoned. It's crazy, I know.
But I use to not be able to function because of it. Now it's more like an annoyance. Like that tag on your underwear you have to cut off.
Keep coming here and posting! We love you!
I've got great news! These cycles will decrease in intensity. I just went through one, I was a bit sad, wishing I knew what he's doing and wtih whom. Feeling abandoned. It's crazy, I know.
But I use to not be able to function because of it. Now it's more like an annoyance. Like that tag on your underwear you have to cut off.
Keep coming here and posting! We love you!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
