RAH has been out of the house 8 days...
 

...and I am starting to breathe. Devil on the shoulder? Gone. Oh, he calls. He texts. He crys endlessly and has taken full responsibility for 7-1/2 years of verbal and emotional abuse. And he says he will do whatever it takes in himself to change and have me back.

He gave me his wedding ring and said - until he deserves to wear it...and I can be proud of him to be my husband, he won't. Not because he wants to be single or divorced. He just isn't worthy right now. (victim?)

What I cannot get over is...my anxiety of "what will he be upset about today?"...is gone. I miss the habit (my sickness), but not the behaviors that contributed to that sick knot in my stomach.

Today-is the 8th day...and I am making it moment by moment.

A few months ago someone (sorry-I could look, but I'm writing in the moment here!) said here-do you really want someone like this in your life? Such a simple question and here I am wondering :wtf1:!!!

Today-I am thankful for the new day; not waking up with the overwhelming feeling of "wrongness with me"...I am thankful for my freedom and strength to have said in middle of his rage 8 days ago: Leave.

Yes! Now the trick is to keep focusing on yourself, what YOU want, who YOU want to be, what YOU believe.

I think it's funny that he's telling you he takes full responsibility for the 7 1/2 years of abuse. Really? In 8 days? Well good. then he'll still feel this way after living apart for 8 more days, 8 weeks.

I would NOT take him back anytime soon. He'll need extensive therapy to walk through his victim phase and make honest change. So will you, need time that is, to clearly see how and where you allowed your boundaries to be crossed.

I know this feeling. It's like flying, isn't it?

sounds like you are right where you need to be, mer

Imagine that...you actually know how I feel? :thanks

It is the STRANGEST, BEST feeling...I told my counselor the other day-I feel so good and relieved and non-stressed, that I'm afraid, because it feels so good...

I am not moved when I see him. I am not triggered by his tears, his resolutions, his "desparateness" to be this or that because I feel so good about where I am and where I went to get here.

I am thankful for being right here, right now and not waking up in the morning wondering where his anger and rage will be coming from today?

Sounds really corny, but I love being me.

You sound so good. I am in the same place but I do ok for a while and then bam, I get sad and starting dwelling on my situation. Not good. How did you get to the point of feeling good that he is gone? I need directions?

I went from anxious-never knowing what I would come home to in terms of his mood to just-coming home. The behavior and the person-are gone. Do I have rough times? Sure-it's a loss of a relationship right now.

I think the biggest part of feeling good is not placing any pressure on myself to make decisions about the final outcome-because it isn't in my hands anyways. My HP is holding me in his hands and I just wake up and look around and realize that I'm ok. What I "lost" was anxiety (do I need that?); what I "lost" was fear (definitely do not need that). I should ALWAYS come home and feel ok without my blood pressure going up when I drive around the corner.

My RAH needs to work his program on his own right now. IN the meantime-I can be around him because I am numb to him right now and that's ok. It's where my HP wants me to be...

I hope that helps...