Lonesome in PMC

Today I filed for a restraining order and for divorce from my husband. We have been together for 6 1/2. We have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and a baby boy on the way next week. I couldn't take it anymore and I was afraid I would not have any energy to follow through with this so I decided to do it today. The thing is I feel so guilty. He has no one. Of course that's his fault because he would have had me, our children and my family always there for him but he has chosen another path. The path of drinking. I even called the sheriff's a couple of weeks ago and he got a DUI. That still didn't wake him up. He drank again the next week. That's when I decided I couldn't take it anymore and I got the strength to meet with the lawyer today. Can anyone help with the guilt and now I cannot stop crying. I'm having a baby next week and all I can think about is him. Help me stop feeling this way please!!!

Ceres

"Help me stop feeling this way please!!!"

It kills me to read that because even though our circumstances may be quite different, I also had that same kind of hurt, that same desperation. Take a deep breath. Everything's going to be okay. You'll gain your footing. Please consider Alanon meetings. We feel less helpless once we put a plan in place. The divorce is in motion. Now your state of mind needs to get in motion, for the better.

Lonesome in PMC

Thank you so much for your response. I know I need to go to alanon and I will make it a point to I'll try to make it to a meeting before I go to the hospital next week. I know it will help. Thank you again.

barb dwyer

Hi Lonesome -

Welcome to SR.

I'm sorry to read about your relationship, and the order and all...

at the same time -

You've got this ... new LIFE coming into your world!
How miracluluous is THAT???

In a week -
you're going to have someone to keep you company,
someone who is going to FILL every INCH of the 'void' you are feeling right now.
Someone who is going to need you to show them what is GOOD in this world.
In about a week -

you're not going to have the TIME
to have some user guy who has to be babied ...
has to be accommodated... has to be 'administered to'....
but never grows out of it.

I see the Universe has given you this incredible gift!
wow!

Talk about 'the circle being unbroken!!'

I can't help it - I'm totally PSYCHED for you, hon.


ps- never EVER feel guilty for protecting your children.

Bernadette

((((((((((((((Lonesome)))))))))))))))))
You are very brave!
Just take everything one day at a time.
Stick around here and keep posting - collectively I think SR has seen everything. so you are not alone.

You've taken a very bold and excellent step towards a bright future for you and those kiddos. But not an easy step. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings, but stick to your wise plan.

peace-
b.

FindingPeace1

#1 welcome!
#2 GOOD FOR YOU for taking care of yourself and your little'uns!
#3 try to remind yourself - feelings won't kill you. They are just feelings. They WILL pass. Allow them to speak to you - what are they telling you? Allow them to be seen and heard and felt and released. This too shall pass.
I admire your strength.
Keep us posted.

Hugs,

w

Carol Star

You will have two kids instead of three. My XAH wore me out with all the chaos,duis,lies,irresponsibility, emotional abuse,worry,wondering what will happen next,embarrasment,& $ worries and lack of trust. Two years later my life is calm and serene. You are breaking the cycle. Good luck next week. Your kids will have a stable future.

Mambo Queen

Feel free to read through my old posts if you want, because guilt is the number one thing I have struggled with, particularly the guilt of "he has no one but me". One of the only good things about the disease of alcoholism though, is that the best cure for it comes from surrounding yourself with a fellowship of people like yourself in AA. Maybe you can take some comfort in knowing that if he so chose, there is a group of people that he could "have", and they can frequently be found meeting in church basements and other places every night of the week.

coffeedrinker

i think the guilt comes from always putting someone else first, before ourselves.

you have taken a giant step.

your emotions are running super high right now - to be expected.

best of luck to you with the coming birth

nodaybut2day

A) You're a wonderfully strong mama bear who's made a good choice for your family.

B) WELCOME TO SR! You will find awesome support here.

C) Guilt comes from feeling responsible for something that doesn't belong to you. Perhaps you also feel bad for being the initiator instead of the one who reacts. I struggled with both of these feelings, and eventually, I realized that as much as I "loved" my husband, I love myself and my daughter more. It's cold, but if you think about it, it's a simple mathematical equation that I reasoned out of necessity...he drove me to it.

Good luck with your birth and keep us posted!

FreeingMyself

Lonesome - Welcome! I can relate to how you are feeling. I have a 14month old daughter and am due in Late April w/ a baby boy....and my AH and I are seperated. I have not filed for divorce at this point, and don't know when/if I will but I know that being serperated from him has been the best thing I could have done. I have regained the peace and serenity in my life that has been missing. I too struggle w/ feeling guilty, but I remind myself frequently that is was his behaviors that led us to this place, and then his unwillingness or inability to work on those behaviors that has left us here. I believe with everything in me that I have made the right decision - I know he loves his daughter and our little boy, but him living in our house does not create a happy or even stable home. Being pregnant and having a newborn on my own brings back some of the fantasy - perfect family, maybe he can change feelings - but you have to remember what "is", and decide if that is what you want for your children. I can really relate to your story, and hope that you find hte strength to stick with your decisions. SR is a great place to find this strenghth.