It's My Fault Again...(just a vent)
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It's My Fault Again...(just a vent)
I never have to go too far to figure out how I could have ended up in addict type relationships. I just have to talk to my mother... Today I was told that the reason everyone is backing my husband that I left is because we seemed like we where basically happy other then the drinking. To her that really isn't a deal breaker kind of thing.
I did complain about him. I didn't broadcast things. He did go out of his way to "act" perfect around certain people. My option was not act that way and be "punished" somehow for weeks. No one believes me. He's "cut back" on his drinking and to everyone he's a reformed man. He's not in a program. No therapy. I have evidance that he's on dating web-sites and he's really not trying to get me back; he's just telling people he is. He just wants me back so he doesn't have to pay the spousal support. He is a master at lying. I know the truth. But I stand alone most of the time in this.
I guess I'm venting. I also knew you all would believe. It's hard enough dealing with an alcoholic but combine that with a personality disorder and it's just plain creepy... (my therapist has long thought he may be narcissistic or have sociopath problems; he has a son with those issues as well and a brother that's why)...
Anyway; thanks for listening... Hugs...I know here I'm not alone..
I did complain about him. I didn't broadcast things. He did go out of his way to "act" perfect around certain people. My option was not act that way and be "punished" somehow for weeks. No one believes me. He's "cut back" on his drinking and to everyone he's a reformed man. He's not in a program. No therapy. I have evidance that he's on dating web-sites and he's really not trying to get me back; he's just telling people he is. He just wants me back so he doesn't have to pay the spousal support. He is a master at lying. I know the truth. But I stand alone most of the time in this.
I guess I'm venting. I also knew you all would believe. It's hard enough dealing with an alcoholic but combine that with a personality disorder and it's just plain creepy... (my therapist has long thought he may be narcissistic or have sociopath problems; he has a son with those issues as well and a brother that's why)...
Anyway; thanks for listening... Hugs...I know here I'm not alone..
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Brundle, are you saying that you can look these people in the face, tell that that he's been lying to you for years, verbally abusing you (tell them some of the things he's called you), put on a great act for them but is on dating sites and lying to THEM.....and they still tell you you should go back to him?
Who ARE these people? And why would you want to have anything to do with such idiots anyway?
Sorry...I'm feeling a bit snippy today :ghug3
Who ARE these people? And why would you want to have anything to do with such idiots anyway?
Sorry...I'm feeling a bit snippy today :ghug3
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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Oh Brundle. I have to say, I think the folks who defend alcoholics and try to guilt trip and shame others are just as sick as the alcoholics themselves.
What did you say to her?
When I was having my first baby, 25 years ago, I decided to have a home birth which at that time was unheard of. I selected a skilled midwife, had back up, lived near a world renown hospital and screened for complications all the way.
Still, when I was around my family, they would say horrible things to me. Like, "well your grandmother called today to ask me to convince you to go to the hosipital. I had to tell her, mom, there's nothing we can do. Transform will die, the baby will die. She just won't listen."
After that I told my family members "we're not discussing this any more. You aren't changing my mind, you aren't supporting me and you won't listen to or respect my reasons for choosing homebirth."
That worked. And, of course, after the baby was born, they all thought I was the most brilliant, fantastic, strong mother on the face of the earth.
My point is that you can also draw those boundaries with your family. It might save you some additional stress.
hugs Girl. I"m glad you're here posting..
What did you say to her?
When I was having my first baby, 25 years ago, I decided to have a home birth which at that time was unheard of. I selected a skilled midwife, had back up, lived near a world renown hospital and screened for complications all the way.
Still, when I was around my family, they would say horrible things to me. Like, "well your grandmother called today to ask me to convince you to go to the hosipital. I had to tell her, mom, there's nothing we can do. Transform will die, the baby will die. She just won't listen."
After that I told my family members "we're not discussing this any more. You aren't changing my mind, you aren't supporting me and you won't listen to or respect my reasons for choosing homebirth."
That worked. And, of course, after the baby was born, they all thought I was the most brilliant, fantastic, strong mother on the face of the earth.
My point is that you can also draw those boundaries with your family. It might save you some additional stress.
hugs Girl. I"m glad you're here posting..
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It is so hard for others to accept alcoholism sometimes, whether because they are in denial themselves or it just makes them uncomfortable. Good for you for knowing what you know. My therapist recently reminded me that not everyone is going to understand, my job is to make sure it doesn't get under my skin. Sometimes harder than it sounds, but it is your life to live and find happiness. Good Luck!
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Thanks guys... I just want to hug you all...
Givelove...My mother battles with drinking herself and can we say italians...my grandmother once told me that a woman is like a dog... sometimes you get a good master sometimes you get a bad one...LOL! Last week she called and told me to go back to AH because a woman my age with MS had no hope for the future! Sweet aren't they... Waiting for the gun with the single bullet... (that's also a running joke)...
Needless to say one thing I do is look at caller ID and don't talk with them very much... My friends are more my family.... well and you guys here...
Hugs...
Ps...Anvilhead: I'm telling mom he's on Ashleymadison.com...lol...
Givelove...My mother battles with drinking herself and can we say italians...my grandmother once told me that a woman is like a dog... sometimes you get a good master sometimes you get a bad one...LOL! Last week she called and told me to go back to AH because a woman my age with MS had no hope for the future! Sweet aren't they... Waiting for the gun with the single bullet... (that's also a running joke)...
Needless to say one thing I do is look at caller ID and don't talk with them very much... My friends are more my family.... well and you guys here...
Hugs...
Ps...Anvilhead: I'm telling mom he's on Ashleymadison.com...lol...
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Hugs Brundle.
My family has basically told me that I won't get married because I am too messed up. I am 33 and not and addict. Families are cruel sometimes. Boundaries are non-existent with many.
So, you are Italian? I LOVE Italian food. Do you cook? Have recipes?
My family has basically told me that I won't get married because I am too messed up. I am 33 and not and addict. Families are cruel sometimes. Boundaries are non-existent with many.
So, you are Italian? I LOVE Italian food. Do you cook? Have recipes?
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Brundle,
My sister also just went through a horrible relationship with her now ex fiance, who cheated on her, got another girl pregnant...has become an alcoholic and now does heroin and mixes pills with other drugs as well. He is COMPLETELY opposite from the boy my family used to know.
My sister shares with me the things he STILL says to her, and his actions. And for whatever reason, our mother, who works in the psychiaatric industry!, still allows him in the house, STILL invites him to dinner....wanted my sister to give him a weekly drug test after he said he would do it! I feel after the way he treated my sister, with his drug use, lies EVERYTHING...that our MOTHER would say YOU WILL NOT BE NEAR MY DAUGHTER!
But NOOOOO... she bought him xmas gifts too!
Omgoodness...it makes me sick. Honestly, I just really really don't understand it when parents don't build a brick wall in front of their children from hurtful toxic people.
I don't know how long your mom knew your xabf, but I think in our case, since my mom remembers him as a little boy, it's harder for her to let him go than it is my sister. In fact, I think she has made it more difficult for my sister to enforce No Contact because our mother allows him over. It just make me sick.
Ugh, sorry I got on a tangent...because I literally want to scream at my mother.
My sister also just went through a horrible relationship with her now ex fiance, who cheated on her, got another girl pregnant...has become an alcoholic and now does heroin and mixes pills with other drugs as well. He is COMPLETELY opposite from the boy my family used to know.
My sister shares with me the things he STILL says to her, and his actions. And for whatever reason, our mother, who works in the psychiaatric industry!, still allows him in the house, STILL invites him to dinner....wanted my sister to give him a weekly drug test after he said he would do it! I feel after the way he treated my sister, with his drug use, lies EVERYTHING...that our MOTHER would say YOU WILL NOT BE NEAR MY DAUGHTER!
But NOOOOO... she bought him xmas gifts too!
Omgoodness...it makes me sick. Honestly, I just really really don't understand it when parents don't build a brick wall in front of their children from hurtful toxic people.
I don't know how long your mom knew your xabf, but I think in our case, since my mom remembers him as a little boy, it's harder for her to let him go than it is my sister. In fact, I think she has made it more difficult for my sister to enforce No Contact because our mother allows him over. It just make me sick.
Ugh, sorry I got on a tangent...because I literally want to scream at my mother.
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Missfixit: I'm a black sheep to my core... I'm a health nut.. I do cook... I can tell you how to do it all with whole wheat and turkey meat... it's really great!!! (won't give you the tofu noodle stuff..lol)
Oh... and 33 is a baby... that's when I got married the second time... I'm 41 now... and I really don't think I'm that old...I'm also in the best shape of my life... even with the MS...You have WAY more living to do...
Kittyboo: Just hearing that makes me want to beat him for your sister... one of the reasons I left was that I wanted healthier relationships for my kids... man...
Oh... and 33 is a baby... that's when I got married the second time... I'm 41 now... and I really don't think I'm that old...I'm also in the best shape of my life... even with the MS...You have WAY more living to do...
Kittyboo: Just hearing that makes me want to beat him for your sister... one of the reasons I left was that I wanted healthier relationships for my kids... man...
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When my eldest daughter left her first husband it came as no surprise to us, and home she and 2 year old GD came till she was sorted out. Years later she married again and it was a disaster with his upbringing having screwed his thinking, especially about women. She told no-one til she left, and only then told me what had gone on.
I didn't need to know details anyway, as knowing her was enough and if she had to walk out from all comforts of home to start again, I knew it had to have been bad.
His only contact with me was a sobbing phone call to try and get me to "send her back" to him, and when I told him to cut the c**p and don't call me again, he went berserk.
He never tried it again. As I said to my daughter, "it's your marriage and your life, not mine and if you can't live with it as it is that is your decision. I love you and feel for you and I know you will sort it out".
To you I say, ignore these people and their blind stupidity and do what you need to do for your own sake. They want to live in denial with heads in the sand, ok let them. Just because they have a problem and think that is how it has to be, doesn't mean you have to do the same. Having MS is bad enough, but enduring a jerk for the rest of your life......HELL NO!!!!
God bless
I didn't need to know details anyway, as knowing her was enough and if she had to walk out from all comforts of home to start again, I knew it had to have been bad.
His only contact with me was a sobbing phone call to try and get me to "send her back" to him, and when I told him to cut the c**p and don't call me again, he went berserk.
He never tried it again. As I said to my daughter, "it's your marriage and your life, not mine and if you can't live with it as it is that is your decision. I love you and feel for you and I know you will sort it out".
To you I say, ignore these people and their blind stupidity and do what you need to do for your own sake. They want to live in denial with heads in the sand, ok let them. Just because they have a problem and think that is how it has to be, doesn't mean you have to do the same. Having MS is bad enough, but enduring a jerk for the rest of your life......HELL NO!!!!
God bless
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Jadmack: Thanks... what an awesome parent!!! That's so what I think... Why would a woman (a sick woman) leave her home (that she built and sunk her life savings)...financial security... and all she knows behind... to start over (and go into hiding; not tell him where she is) if there wasn't a real problem...
Missfixit: Thanks...the call was fine...he was being nice... I often think dealing with him is like playing chess with the devil... he made the move for some reason... I just have to wait to see why... It has to do with the personality disorder... there is always a motive...Now that he cut back on the drinking he's more on top of his game... like I said... creepy....
Missfixit: Thanks...the call was fine...he was being nice... I often think dealing with him is like playing chess with the devil... he made the move for some reason... I just have to wait to see why... It has to do with the personality disorder... there is always a motive...Now that he cut back on the drinking he's more on top of his game... like I said... creepy....
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Is he trying to track your location through calling you? I have heard other people here talk about being able to track the location of a phone.
And yes, I *HAVE* watched too many crime thrillers, thank you very much
And yes, I *HAVE* watched too many crime thrillers, thank you very much
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Originally Posted by brundle 
Missfixit: Thanks...the call was fine...he was being nice... I often think dealing with him is like playing chess with the devil... he made the move for some reason... I just have to wait to see why... It has to do with the personality disorder... there is always a motive...Now that he cut back on the drinking he's more on top of his game... like I said... creepy....
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
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