Torn..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: too close to the fire
Posts: 173
Torn..
I am having a real hard time battling my "love" for my ABF and my "love" for me.... It seems like the hardest thing to do to stay but when I go I tend to forget where I have been and just exactly how challenging this relationship is. There are so many factors involved, children, income, grief and loss, and his depression. I have a strong faith, I have a relationship with God and I feel torn at times. Do I put GOD, HIM, KIDS, ME first? All have different "will" intentions, and needs from me. I am crippled with fear, over who needs pleasing.I guess what I mean to say is am I alone, the choices I need to make in my head make sense but in my heart, umm not soo much?
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I don't think you're alone at all, iloveme. If you look around you on this forum, you'll see hundreds of people battling the same feelings.
The quest, for me, was finding a way to align my three main responsibilities: to myself, to "him," and to my HP. Sound impossible?
1) To myself: I only have one life, and I want to create as much good with my life as I possibly can, and feel as much joy as I possibly can. How is this possible when I am constantly under stress from someone else's poor choices?
2) To "him": How am I making his life better by sticking around and making sure he doesn't have to suffer the repercussions of his choices, giving him NO reason whatsoever to stop the behaviors that are slowly killing him?
3) To my HP: There is much I've been dropped down on this green Earth to do. I have a higher purpose here, just as everyone does. When I discovered that my obsessive attachment to an unchanging alcoholic was getting in the way of that purpose, it became very difficult to stay. I don't believe God put me here to clean up after an alcoholic and take his abuse.
All three added up to the same action, for me. Do they for you? This is where a counselor can be very, very helpful.
Hugs, and strength, to do whatever it is that's right for you.
GL
The quest, for me, was finding a way to align my three main responsibilities: to myself, to "him," and to my HP. Sound impossible?
1) To myself: I only have one life, and I want to create as much good with my life as I possibly can, and feel as much joy as I possibly can. How is this possible when I am constantly under stress from someone else's poor choices?
2) To "him": How am I making his life better by sticking around and making sure he doesn't have to suffer the repercussions of his choices, giving him NO reason whatsoever to stop the behaviors that are slowly killing him?
3) To my HP: There is much I've been dropped down on this green Earth to do. I have a higher purpose here, just as everyone does. When I discovered that my obsessive attachment to an unchanging alcoholic was getting in the way of that purpose, it became very difficult to stay. I don't believe God put me here to clean up after an alcoholic and take his abuse.
All three added up to the same action, for me. Do they for you? This is where a counselor can be very, very helpful.
Hugs, and strength, to do whatever it is that's right for you.
GL
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
To me the first thing would be KIDS...
What are they learning?
I have found... when I think of ME... its not selfish, if I am ok... my closest ones are ok. The responsability you got is with yourself and your kids only.
His depression - out of your scope
Grief and loss - part of being human...
Income - that is a factor but there may be alternatives
Strong faith - that is excellent for you to have!
You are not alone, you got God and you got yourself. And also you got us in SR
"Who needs pleasing?" brought me self hate and resentment... there are healthier questions.. like "What can I do to bring joy to my life today?"
What are they learning?
I have found... when I think of ME... its not selfish, if I am ok... my closest ones are ok. The responsability you got is with yourself and your kids only.
His depression - out of your scope
Grief and loss - part of being human...
Income - that is a factor but there may be alternatives
Strong faith - that is excellent for you to have!
You are not alone, you got God and you got yourself. And also you got us in SR
"Who needs pleasing?" brought me self hate and resentment... there are healthier questions.. like "What can I do to bring joy to my life today?"
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