breaking old patterns.
 

This week has already been harder to deal with seeing RAH at work.

This is going to be harder than I thought. I keep thinking of calling him to talk and then I remember what happened for the holidays - the anger, the drama, and the misunderstandings and the not being together b/c of it all. So I know I am not ready to work on anything yet.

I also realized that I keep falling into the pattern of thinking it is all about him instead of staying focused on me and the stuff I need to do. boy this is sooooo much harder than I thought.

Today he surprised me and made something easier for me without my asking. I really did appreciate it. first communication in a month. oh I am pathetic.

No you are not. It is very hard to break old patterns. I hear you because I am working on breaking the patterns too! Mine is in the lets make up phase of the DANCE and is shocked that I am not taking that next familar step in the DANCE. I do not know what is happening to me but something inside will not let me keep the DANCE going right now and hopefully never again. It must be a higher power because it sure isn't me.

I must say it feels good though. I do not have any anger or resentment right now and do not feel like even talking about the "Situation" again. Do not know what is going on but I am going with it.

Keep the Faith girlfriend, we are right here with you. Repeat after me..

I can do this
I can do this
I can do this

:day6

Thanks, but unlike others here, I don't feel better no matter what I do. I guess I am in the worst place.

But Kassie, you are just in a temporary place.

During last summer, when I discovered my ABF was using, I was heartbroken. The pain was so severe and I just could not quite make the break, although I was trying and trying to talk myself into it. During one conversation, I said to my mother "I just know that if I end things, I will miss him for the rest of my life." And I just sobbed. But she said "Oh, honey, it always feels like that at first."

I didn't feel the truth in what she was saying, but my mother is pretty wise. So I knew that she spoke the truth.

Sometimes we have to find someone trustworthy, and then trust. Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and believe.