XAH gave his son alcohol
 

Ok, this isn't some opportunity to go into a personal meltdown. I'm not going to turn this into drama. It just makes me very sad.

Last week-end, DSS (my Dear StepSon) tells me that during a dinner with his father's coworkers, XAH offered him some bubbly to drink. I don't know how much, I don't know if this is the first time. I didn't ask. It might not be a big deal. It might be illegal for all I know. DSS is 12.

It just scares me to think that XAH may be slowly introducing his son to booze as a means of making himself feel less guilty. He tells DSS that smoking is bad, that drugs are BAD (and yet has told me he'd want to smoke up with his son someday so he can "be there to supervise), and yet he offers his 12 year old some booze at a dinner, as a sort of "right of passage", much like a man would take his son to a prostitute to put hair on his chest.

And there's nothing much I can do about it, so it's just plain sad.

That is very sad indeed. :(

When I read his age I sighed and sank down in my chair.

Ew...that all just brought back a memory for me....a bad one. One that should of had me running for the hills.....sigh

The serenity prayer is handy in cases like these. Some days I've said it fifty times.

Jot this down for "the things I cannot change".

If he was my husband, well, if he kept it up he'd no longer be my husband. But he isn't your husband any longer, and so. Serenity prayer.

Also, although this is reprehensible because he's an alcoholic, it may or may not turn into anything bad. I too requested and was given tastes of alcohol when I was younger and I did not turn into an alcoholic. It's not a death sentence, though there's much we don't know at this point.......So we can pray for the best, and keep a close eye on your young child. How's the custody discussion going?

You know, sometimes I think of this. I too had sips of beer as a kid. In Europe, they don't make a big deal out of it in countries like France and Italy, kids have wine with dinner - in a way, it sort of makes it not a big deal, and it is my understanding that alcoholism isn't such a big issue in countries like this, because alcohol was never verboten, so to speak - people and especially kids, will naturally want what is taboo or denied to them. I may be talking out of my arse, but that is the impression that I always had. Not to condone giving any substance to a child of course.

Givelove...the custody issue is going as it was before: XAH threatening to take me to court if I don't give him what he wants (50/50 shared custody). It still irks me that I spent the last 18 months raising this child by myself, almost living the life of a single mother, and now XAH has the balls to stand around claiming he's a great dad and that he has the RIGHT to shared custody. Again, something I cannot control but really makes my blood boil.

To be honest, I'm gearing up for court, just in case. I've told my lawyer what's up, and asked a few relevant questions. I've also contacted XAH's ex wife of 6 years ago, because I need to know what judgment she receives with regards to child support and custody of *her* son with XAH. There was some doubt as to paternity back then, but I have to admit those doubts were planted in my head by XAH, so it's probably all just hogwash. I don't want to have to play dirty, but I will not hesitate to bring to the forefront the fact XAH has two other children by two other women he doesn't care for or pay child support for.

Sounds like a good plan, noday. Use that anger to help push you ahead.

He wants to play ugly, you will play ugly. It's for your child's protection.

Thanks for the update.

Have you considered talking to CPS?

Already spoke with the DPJ (department for youth protection) and they've told me that unless I have proof, there's nothing much they can do about it.

For what it is worth, my father and various relatives allowed me sips and an occasional alcoholic beverage (like during the holidays) when I was a kid and a teen. Outside of these times I was strictly forbidden from drinking, but in these supervised situations I was allowed a taste. I never developed into an A.