To stay or go

Old 01-19-2010, 10:06 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
nodaybut2day's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
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peaceforme...perhaps you aren't in the headspace that allows you to feel anger yet, so let me voice that feeling for you.

He wants YOU to take HIM to a meeting?! OR ELSE he's going to go to a bar?!!

I sincerely hope you see what b.s. he's spouting. "Mommy mommy, please do everything for me OR ELSE I'll just pout and whine and cry and let myself lie here until you're so guilt-ridden you do what I ask!".

Ugh, sorry. I just came out of a relationship with a very similar, super-lazy, blame-it-on-the-world King Baby, and it boils my blood when I see other people having to deal with that attitude.

Now where's that King Baby link?
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Old 01-19-2010, 10:08 AM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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King Baby needs you to drive him around. And guilt trips you. How sick and sad.

I'm sorry peace. You deserve so much more.

I know it hurts, but this should make it clearer than anything: He is not serious about this. He's putting it all on you.

Take your peace and serenity. Let him make his own choices as an adult.
Protect your own life and your children's.

Love and hugs,
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Old 01-19-2010, 10:14 AM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I didn't read everything yet, but my very first thought was he'll have to want to get sober for himself, not because it's keeping you there. In my opinion it won't work for him unless he really wants it.. with or with out you.

And like others said. If you don't want to be there... don't.
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Old 01-19-2010, 10:34 AM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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I am so glad you told him what was in your heart to say. If you stayed out of guilt or other type manipulation, you would have been resentful in about 30 minutes.

You are so doing the right thing. You might think about telling him that you will support him by celebrating his 30-day, 6-month, and 1-year sober anniversary. You might tell him that you will come to the rehab on visiting days. You might tell him that you wish to allow him the dignity to figure out maintaining his sobriety by himself and then do it on his own - that way he can be proud of himself, and so can you be.

But, really, you hit the nail on the head when you said he was not serious. Business as usual.
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Old 01-19-2010, 01:37 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Hard but simple. He either learns to grow up and work HIS problem after rehab, and you care for you and your children, or he stays as is and you decide if you can take any more of this.

As has been said, YOU being there or not doesn't mean anything more than provider of HIS comforts. It has NO bearing on him sober or drunk, that's his decision.

Let him deal with his own business, and if he poops again, let him change his own nappy.

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Old 01-19-2010, 02:21 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Seeking Serenity
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Posts: 144
Peace...there is a lot of wisdom here. Start trying to figure out what YOU want. It's your live...PERIOD.

His problems are his problems. If he needs you around to HELP him through this...I can also tell you that the minute he's upset with something you did or didn't will be his excuse to go drink. He will feel made him do it. He's setting it up right now for you...his out!
he said " i wanted you to take me to meetings ... f it i will leave here and go to a bar".

Peace...YOUR life is calling you...go out and take it back. Make it what you want...not what he thinks you should be doing.

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