and you thought I was so smart

Old 01-18-2010, 12:20 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
and you thought I was so smart

Rather I did. I thought I was so smarty
vent vent vent..

AH called, all pissy with me. At first saying he needed, "adventure" in his life. That gave me a little trigger, because of course even though I lecture you all about not acting in fear he can still hook me in if I allow it. In this case it's that he will hook up with his slutty affair partner again because he needs excitement. But when that didn't work he turned to money. Saying little snitty things to me about how he has none and I sold the refridgerator and washer out of our foreclosed house and am keeping the money all for myself while he doesn't have a penny to his name.

BS. He took $40 out of the 100 for the fridge. Probably drank it all. In one night

My electricity and gas is scheduled for shut off Friday unless I give those monsters $300. If it weren't for an overpayment on an editing job and selling off our stuff I'd be nowhere near having that amount. AND I'm behind on my rent.

He was quite bitchy, asking how much money I have and did I pay my DTE bill/ I listened to his crap for a little while, then said, "are you getting nasty with me? What's your problem? Don't you talk to me this way."

Regardless of how I think I'm right and he's wrong, regardless of why I think I need heat and electricity more than he needs beer, I should communicate with him with distance. With detachment.

But the issue with money and our needs is so ancient. He will ensure he has beer when the kids have no food or milk. That's why we don't live together anymore. He's selfish and a sniveling child. And now I see him tossing that "I need excitement in my life," as a veiled threat. What a jerk. He gets resentful and lives in his fantasy about how I"ve done him wrong. Hilarious!

I'm so mad at him, but will go back to the dishes, laundry and sorting out my life.

thanks for letting me vent. argghhhhh...
transformyself is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 12:25 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
AND
i know this formula from him! I konw why this pushes my buttons. I've seen it hundreds of times. He gets all resentful towards me, blames me because he can't talk to me then acts out.

Goodbye drunky! THANK GOD I NO LONGER LIVE WITH YOU and thank you for reminding me why I will never be in love with you ever again.
transformyself is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 12:32 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Seeking Serenity
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
I'm sorry you are going through so much crap with him. Why is it the good women end up with the miserable men and the snotty bitches end up with men who kiss their ass?

As I go through another box of tissues...I find myself pondering this unanswerable question.:wtf2
myawakening is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 12:47 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
This just gets clearer and clearer to me.

In the past, this type of crap from him worked to his advantage. So well. I would either:
scurry around, doing whatever he wanted to try to placate him or
blow up. then he could justify his resentment and whatever course of action he took based on what a witch his wife is.

Today, instead I will go to yoga and ignore him. I am really angry though. I think it's a trigger, because ordinarily I would just get off the phone nice like and get on with my day.

Seriously, he called acting all distant and pissy. I, like an idiot, ask what's wrong with him. He gives me the "I need excitement" line. That didn't work so he did the same thing with money.

He's just doing what he does. The important question is why am I reacting so strongly? And how long do I want to dissect it before moving on, gratefully, without him?
transformyself is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 12:48 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
And myawakenign, My Darling, because we choose it.

I am not dating anyone who doesn't worship me. One requirement will be, you'd have to rather set yourself on fire than treat me the way that you and I have been treated, thank you Great Givelove...
transformyself is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 12:51 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
MissFixit's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Myawakening,

Women like that don't tolerate men who will not adore them. They fight with or move on from men who don't. Simple.

Sorry for the hijack.
MissFixit is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 12:57 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
GiveLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
I love you guyz.

Hang in there, TM (I'm going to call you that today, because it makes me think of om and inner peace and Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, minus the sexual harassment part)

Here's a funny thing I logged in my journal the year I split from my latest snotty XA. I started keeping track of how much time transpired between me being triggered by his quacking, and me realizing that I was being triggered, and righting myself. Essentially, the time gap between being punched and regaining my balance:
  • Initially, pre-recovery, it took dayyyyyyys.
  • Then, I notice after I practiced detaching for a while, I see where it's several hours.
  • A few months later, it's just a few minutes later.
  • One day, out of the blue, it takes just a couple of seconds and I tell him to blow it.
  • Then it's mid-sentence -- he doesn't even get to get it out of his mouth.
  • And finally, he doesn't even get the chance to talk to me about anything.
    (Kind of a "negative time elapsed" ) Harder with kids and money in common, but not an impossible goal.
Above me, I see today it took approximately 27 minutes for you to find your feet and blow him a big raspberry.

You're a hell of a quick study.

Off to yoga with you, yogini.
GiveLove is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:00 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
missfixit that's not a hijack, it's reiterating what i said as well. thanks for validating!
transformyself is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:06 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
GL you're so brilliant and funny and kind. I want to be like you when I grow up.
transformyself is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:06 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Seeking Serenity
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
Originally Posted by transformyself View Post
In the past, this type of crap from him worked to his advantage. So well. I would either:
scurry around, doing whatever he wanted to try to placate him or
blow up. then he could justify his resentment and whatever course of action he took based on what a witch his wife is.

He's just doing what he does. The important question is why am I reacting so strongly? And how long do I want to dissect it before moving on, gratefully, without him?
Tran-I just lived this...he is doing what he needs to do to justify what disrespect he plans for you and your marriage. They do it...because in our desire to get them to grow up...we let them.

There was a phrase that was posted recently:
When I settle for less than I deserve...I get less than I settled for.

I don't know the answer...but maybe when we respect ourselves more...they will too.
myawakening is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:10 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Seeking Serenity
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
MissFI...you are so right!

"Above me, I see today it took approximately 27 minutes for you to find your feet and blow him a big raspberry.

You're a hell of a quick study."


GL...you cracked me up and gave me the one smile I had all day.
myawakening is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:25 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
GiveLove's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Originally Posted by transformyself View Post
GL you're so brilliant and funny and kind. I want to be like you when I grow up.
Are you saying I'm a grown-up?

Take it back!



myawakening, glad I could give your kleenexs a respite for a few seconds. Sending big hugs to you
GiveLove is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:30 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Sorry GL. you're not the boss of me. Well, not all the time.
transformyself is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:32 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
And dear MA, here's a joke to help with those moments of laughter inserted in the gut wrenching grief. It's the only one I know really well

Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, "man it's really hot in here."

"Holy Sh**!" the other exclaims. "A talking muffin!"
transformyself is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:43 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Seeking Serenity
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
OK...trans...you may need to send the men in the while coats for me. Your joke also cracked me up. Twice in the last hour...wow!

GL...I ran out of tissues and I think my tear ducts are empty.

So grateful for all of you!
myawakening is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:46 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Seeking Serenity
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
Trans...did we hijack your thread?

Ugh...forgive us!
myawakening is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 01:52 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
 
transformyself's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
hyjack away! it's fun and important. You are worth every word, every key stroke..
transformyself is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 02:03 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Seeking Serenity
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 144
myawakening is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 02:23 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Laughter HEALS!!!!!!!

Give Love....I cracked up....I was on the phone the other day with my folks, mom is 73 and was saying how she just feels older every day, my dad, 76, was on the other phone and he popped up that he was getting younger, I laughed and said Me too!

Ms. Fixit penned it right on the money.....pursue me, adore me, court me..and make sure it is me, not just women in general, and .....we will see how it goes for awhile.
Live is offline  
Old 01-18-2010, 02:29 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
 
JenT1968's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,149
LOL, I bit today too. I rang to sort out defined times for him to see the kids, without me. He doesn't want this for whatever his own reasons are, I keep explaining that I need to have things planned not "I might pop over tomorrow" and him not turning up, or "what are you doing this afternoon?": it's a military operation to get the kids out of the house if I need a pint of milk, so spontaneity is no problem for him but can waste my entire day, and I have NO spare time.

We agreed monday here at the house, wednesday to have ds on his own at his and then he states "we'll leave it at that, I can't agree times for the weekend because I don't know what I'll be doing".

we talk for a bit and he's immovable and I ask (my tone was not entirely placatory) what is so important every weekend that he can't plan around having his kids and all of a sudden: "don't you ever say that" with an aggressive tone "its nothing to do with what I have planned", I raise my voice slightly slightly and say: "but that's what you said". he tells me to stop shouting at him. I am going to record our conversation next time, the man has no idea what a shout is.

so he refuses to speak to me for 2 mins then (LOL) asked in a patronising tone if I was done?

Still he is having the children for 2 hours on a saturday without me sat there and when he started saying he was ill and didn't feel like listening to my f*cking shrieking I said "oh whatever" and hung-up: LOL I feel like a bloody 16-year old, god he's a t*sser. But I have free time now, even if it's just 2 hours a week plus I don't actually care that I raised my voice, so I'm scoring it as a win LOL.
JenT1968 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:25 AM.