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OT- you've got to be kidding me...

Old 01-18-2010, 09:36 AM
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Angry OT- you've got to be kidding me...

Things have been running more or less smoothly in my new apartment... lots of stuff to repair, clean, etc but I was feeling more at ease. No noise during the weekend nights so I've been able to sleep better.

With bf I have put some boundaries and they have worked out. We are sharing half of the rent. I am cleaning and sending to the trash anything I don't LOVE or NEED. Also I have lost tons of weight so most of my clothes don't fit anymore.. perfect excuse to go shopping..

During the weekend I was in a good mood.. until Friday night...

No one had given me the... small news that just next to the complex there is a PARTY SALON... well yesterday I got soooooooo angry listening to their SUPERLOUD music from 4 to 10 pm. If it was more or less standard music well.. but its a genre I totally dislike and gives me headaches ...

So now I am at work and its like "great, finally some silence"

Its ridiculous its here where I finally relax.

I'm sooooooooooooo angry and frustrated..... I put some earplugs on... helped, but not so much...

I think WTF I will do to avoid being in my apartment during the weekends for the next year Why the hell can't one be in peace?????? WHY?????? WHY?




Maybe I end up sleeping at work. I need to study as well so perhaps I come here and bring my sleeping bag. No noise. More concentration. And someday if I study enough I will be able to live in some country where they know the meaning of RESPECT...


Sorry for my rant.... I'm sooooooooooo frustrated nothing can be done AT ALL and I can't do anything else but leave the place...
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:06 AM
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TC my friend, I am so worried that you are going to keep going through these issues until something changes for you. I don't mean moving again and I don't mean anything with BF, I mean with you. Maybe your higher power is telling you to stop running from these issues and find a tangible way to manage them.

I'm going a lesson myself...

I can't for the life of me figure out why I just keep ending up exposed to completely egocentric/narssisistic/attention seeking waste of space people after taking such a stand and leaving my XABF who was one, and yet here I am having moved a second time and I am confronted with a new roommate who has been nothing but a problem for me. I extended a welcoming demeanor to him and I have been manipulated by him ever since. After struggling and feeling miserable, I finally came to my senses and realised that I was buying right into his BS just as I had bought into the BS of those before him.

I started to wonder if my higher power wasn't bringing this person in my life to get me to change myself. I think I will always run into this kind of person in life even if it's for a brief time. I can't just keep packing it all in and moving away. I can't uproot my life over and over to avoid them...they're everywhere! So I've got to learn how to deal with this without it costing me, without it defeating me, and without it stunting my personal growth.

I am refusing to move. I am refusing to be the one to step down and suffer. I wish you nothing but love and happiness. We can take this stand together and learn how to cope in this world without being torn down by it.

What do you say? Up for the challenge?

Alice
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:25 PM
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Know just how you feel TC, with house full of partying rev heads across the road.

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Old 01-18-2010, 05:33 PM
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ItsMeAlice wrote:
I can't for the life of me figure out why I just keep ending up exposed to completely egocentric/narssisistic/attention seeking waste of space people after taking such a stand and leaving my XABF who was one, and yet here I am having moved a second time and I am confronted with a new roommate who has been nothing but a problem for me. I extended a welcoming demeanor to him and I have been manipulated by him ever since. After struggling and feeling miserable, I finally came to my senses and realised that I was buying right into his BS just as I had bought into the BS of those before him.

I started to wonder if my higher power wasn't bringing this person in my life to get me to change myself. I think I will always run into this kind of person in life even if it's for a brief time. I can't just keep packing it all in and moving away. I can't uproot my life over and over to avoid them...they're everywhere! So I've got to learn how to deal with this without it costing me, without it defeating me, and without it stunting my personal growth.
Alice, I could have written something SO similar to that I couldn't let this pass, especially on this thread - cuz our friend TC is at the same place.....
and ti's certainly no SECRET that I am up to my armpits with teh same personality types all the way to an unrelenting land.. well SLUMlord.

I like your 'theory' (about HP showing you stuff)
my *own* theory is more

that it's to do with HP showing us all the OTHER areas in our lives
that are 'flavored' by this codie crap...

and now we finally have the awareness, and the tools to clean THEM up as well.

For some of us it IS about taking a stand
for others it might be more about the negotiating thing
boundaries for others,

but what I LOVE the most about this site

is we're all in this together.

I learn... from YOUR experience as well.
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Old 01-18-2010, 05:59 PM
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Wait a minute? I don't understand...what is TC supposed to do about neighbors in Mexico?
It is a different culture. She can't call the cops...it's okay to do that there. In Germany, 10pm is regulated to be quiet...different places do things differently.

TC, is there another apartment open by the same landlord?

In Argentina in my first room....I would have to listen to a drunk man screaming at his wife and beating her up....I tried to talk to the hotel about it and down there it is no one's business....I got a different room on a different floor on the other corner too.
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Old 01-18-2010, 06:19 PM
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Something I have noticed is that in the past I have dealt with toxic people/situations by either stomping away (well, could be running away) in a self-righteous huff or exhausting myself ignoring the person or problem.

And it hit me that both of these "solutions" come with a physical and mental price.

So here I am with another moment to rise to the occasion and I'm struggling and I read TC's post and I think, here she is up against the same BS that she's been moving away from time and time again and I think, where have I heard this lament before...yeah, that's right...ME. I'm playing DeJaVu with different people over and over.

Barb, I think you're right. I've had trouble with certain types of people my whole life. I've learned my codependency existed before XABF and I met. I've had these interpersonal troubles long before him. It is high time I learn healthy ways to handle them.

TC, how are you doing since your post?? How can we help you cope and work through this?

Alice.
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Old 01-18-2010, 07:48 PM
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Wait a minute? I don't understand...what is TC supposed to do about neighbors in Mexico?


I see your question Live. She has had to move repeatedly in the last year to the point of sheer exhaustion. She's lost money after money and it has worn her out.

I am posing the question as to why his would just keep happening to her no matter where she moves to. Maybe there is an element of her seeking out things to be wrong with each apartment? Maybe there are other things she could do to make living in that culture tolerable? She's tried moving over and over and the problem remains.

I related to the post in that each of my moves has resulted in more of the same interpersonal problems. I am exploring what I can do to cope rather than move again and risk the same problem somewhere else.

I'm not thinking she can change the culture, which she has no control over, but rather change herself.
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Old 01-18-2010, 10:18 PM
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(((TC))) - I'm so sorry you keep ending up at places that seem to be "party central".

I live at home with dad/stepmom/16-year-old niece/3 cats and a dog, thanks to my financial and career consequences of when I was using. I work late into the night and often sleep late into the day. It's not easy with phones ringing, 3-4 TV's going and my niece going in and out of her bedroom door (about 2 feet from my door) 50 times a day. For the first 3 months, I don't think I slept much at all.

I got the earplugs, and though they help, they don't drown out everything. I also got a fan and it helps, even more, as it provides something similar to "white noise". It broke, recently and haven't gotten a new one and I have noticed I don't sleep as well.

I can't move out, as I don't have the money, so I had to experiment on what I could do to adjust. I don't know if it's possible to adjust to that much noise, but just wantd you to know, I do understand and I'm sorry. I also have to realize there are quite a few benefits of my being here, so the good outweighs the bad....so far.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy
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Old 01-18-2010, 10:50 PM
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I also think there's peredatory' landlords as well, who carefully and skillfully avoid answering questions, and deliberately withold information when asked.

Who, as regarding my OWN personal christmas experience,
are just another form of the same thing.
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:50 PM
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Thanks all for following my saga even when I'm no longer a friend of an alcoholic and never made him part of my family. Basically I am blogging here. Hope you don't mind..

Well, by saying "leaving here" I didn't mean the apartment per se... I meant leaving the apartment during the weekend... I do not want to move again...sorry for the misunderstanding. Live thanks for the idea!! but the landlord only has this apartment.

Bf said today maybe it was random and not EVERY weekend is as noisy... that made me realize I'm suffering about the past and unknown future so maybe the trick is to stay in the Now and if it happens again I'll be creative and go somewhere and perhaps find some special place or make a new friend or just see the damn sunlight... or maybe I indeed go to the job where there is silence and I can study and reach the goals I set for myself this year...perhaps I need to get out instead of staying home depressed...?

Perhaps its also that I overwork so I value my sleep and relaxing times a lot. I too work odd hours and also in the weekend so this one where I need to be online, concentrated etc I just won't be able to work properly. There are some conferences where the line is bad and the accents are different and the problem is complex and the customer is angry I don't need MUSIC on top of that... but I get your point, its MeAlice... what I control..and what I can't... and won't... so I should stop "fighting".

Today I felt really bad and irritable and depressed but I went for Bach flowers. The bag has some affirmations and mine said "I replace pointing fingers with finding solutions"

I am now on a sleeping bag hugging my cats. Bf is sleeping. I am working and "talking" to you. I turned on my Selenite lamp which is very soothing. I am learning that is what I need...time for myself...

Stress due to work
Stress due to moving
Stress due to messy apartment
Stress due to BF expectations of me cooking, ironing, cleaning and being his mom, lover, friend/ I can't be all those things and also be working/I can't/so I will stop trying.


Good point barb, I realize this BF is superperfectionist, and one of the things takes away my energy is trying to make him happy LOL. Here is where he learns to wash and iron his clothes!! I just realized I resent him for that but yup that would made me feel much better and give me more time. This afternoon he was watching youtube stuff while I washed his trousers... when have I been doing nothing while he helps with my stuff? NEVER.

Today he arrived and I was sad and tired and he said "I work all day thinking of the time to come here and spend time with you..and you're like this" and I felt guilty for not being superhappy and cheerful...


Thanks for reminding me the slavery of my codieness is still there and needs much work.


///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

The 29th is my birthday and I'm looking forward to go to a spa and do yoga and go to the poshest mall and buy a french crepe and maybe a nice pijamas and perhaps go somewhere with the 3 girlfriends I am making here and maybe even to a nightclub... do you think its a loser thing to buy flowers for myself?




ER...back to the topic...Jadmack, is it true? I thought in Australia everything was happiness and tranquility..







You all understand me and know what my life has been like lately. God bless you.
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:53 PM
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Its so quiet now.. why can't it be like this everytime... !!
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Old 01-18-2010, 11:57 PM
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I totally believe in buying flowers for myself....I used to keep a bouquet in the centerpiece of the dining table and one on my desk at work. And as soon as we get this place cleaned up....I will be buying myself flowers again...getting to choose myself what I like at that moment.

Perhaps you could go halves on someone to clean the house every two weeks or something?
And isn't it super cheap to farm laundry out there??
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Old 01-19-2010, 02:48 AM
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TC, yes up here it usually is peaceful, tranquil and beautiful......apart from the occassional cyclone of course.
Here's a few snaps of spots within 30 miles of where I live.

God bless



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Old 01-19-2010, 02:51 AM
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Here's a couple more.



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