blessed4x

I celebrate 1 year this week in Alanon. I look back at how different my life was a year ago. Alanon and SR saved my life. AA saved my RAH's, and all together they saved our marriage. I don't check in here very often. I guess that's what happens when things are going well for some? I do SO appreciate the "old" folks who are able to stick around and share their ES&H with the newcomers. I suppose it really is a calling to be so dedicated the way you are.

I have learned in the past year to live out the words in the serenity prayer. I have accepted the things I can't change. I am married to an alcoholic. Yes, he is in recovery and for today is not drinking and life in the moment looks pretty darn good. I can't change the fact that he is an alcoholic and if I choose to be married to him it is part of the package. I have changed the things I can. I divorced him. I gave him the dignity to find his own recovery and spent all of that energy I had previously spent on him....on my own recovery. I remarried him knowing exactly what I had been through and knowing I have the strength to never go there again. And, I am gaining the wisdom to know the difference.....I think that last part is something that comes with time and experience. I've made a lot of mistakes in my own recovery. I've had to humble myself time after time to all of the people I've harmed along the way.

I wanted to share that there is hope. There are people here who will love you, and hold you up when you think you can't take another step, and kick you in the backside when that is exactly what you need, too. I think finding serenity in your own story is the answer. I never would have guessed that I would be married to the very person I never wanted to see, hear, or smell again. But really I'm not married to THAT person. We have so much fun. We laugh, play and are considerate of each other. We can disagree and talk it out. So for today, life is just as it should be. And if that changes, I'll deal with it....one day at a time. Spending my time regretting the past, and worrying about the future is so much less satisfying than living in the present.

PHIZ007

Thank you for sharing. It is great to see that there is hope....even though the journey is not atall easy.....wishing you both love and happiness always Phiz

barb dwyer

congratulations!

ICant

blessed4X! So good to see you. What wonderful news. I knew you had divorced your AH, I knew he had started recovery but didn't know you had remarried him. Congratulations. What a wonderful outcome. I've read it on someone's signature: A sober alcoholic is a miracle. And the understanding that even if they do turn to drink, it doesn't mean your happiness is ruined, and you will drop to your knees yelling noooo! You will be fine. I know what you mean about no longer being married to the same man. My husband found sobriety a year ago and it has taken me a year to get used to the fact. I had a lot of anger but we are slowly reconnecting.

TakingCharge999

what a journey, blessed! I'm so happy for you. You sound so strong and happy. Congratulations!!!!

GiveLove

((( blessed4x ))))

So good to 'see' you, my friend!!
I'm glad you're doing well. You sound wonderfully strong.

ReadyToHelp

What a reason to celebrate!!

Blessed4x, you are so lucky. You grew when you needed to grow. And he grew in his own space. And then you came together again - as two different people. That is wonderful.

I've often wondered if I'd be willing to reunite with my Xabf. I doubt it. He had a purpose in my life and that was to teach me that I'm important. I'm too important to be someone's doormat. I was his doormat 21 years ago in college. I was his doormat just recently. Can't teach a man who's never had respect for me - how to have respect for me. It doesn't sting as much since...his family yells a lot. LOL. There are a lot of things I wouldn't want, and, well, now that I'm feeling better about the break up, I think I'll pass on the "third time's a charm" offer.

Congratulations and enjoy today...and tomorrow, and one day at a time! Enjoy laughing and playing and loving and being with the man you love. You are so blessed - 4x over!

...and we are blessed for having you - thank you for your posts and input and feedback, and thoughts, and comforting words. Thank you.

~READY!

blessed4x

Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm not at all naive. I know that for most people this wouldn't be an option. I learned to trust myself. I learned to discern between manipulation and truth. I know if he EVER goes back there I'll be out the door and no 3rd chances for him either....he knows that too.

I am thankful for every day that we have together with him sober. I really believed that there was some kind of mental illness or personality disorder underneath it all when he was drinking. Now I see just how much alcohol had to do with it. I still am in disbelief when I hear him say he's been an alcoholic since age 13 when just a year ago he was so convinced he wasn't an alcoholic because he "could quit any time" he wanted.

The important thing for everyone (especially the newcomers) to know is that my happiness isn't based on us getting back together, or him not drinking, or some big fairy tale ending. I would have been just as happy and content if we'd never spoken again. It makes a nice story, and I do feel blessed by it all.....but I know that no matter what the outcome it wouold have been a miracle because I have changed in ways I never thought possible.

Jadmack25

Thank you for you wonderful update Blessed. It makes such a nice change from our tales of the doom and gloom of alcoholism and shows that denial keeps us and the A's in our lives, stuck in a horrible limbo.

I found this comic strip some time back and thought then how it is perfect for where my abf has been, (and may go again) and me as well.

God bless