Anyone else having a bad night?
 

I was doing ok today but as the night went on I just got overwhelmed with it all.
It is a combination of frustration, loneliness and boredom. I miss my husband - not the bad stuff just the idea of who I thought he was. I wonder about myself and how I did this to myself, my life is full but it is all the same stuff and I am tired of filling my time so I won't miss him or feel so bad. I am tired of the random and ugly memories that pop up as especially as I wonder if he misses me.
It isn't as though he is drinking anymore but just as others post - he hasn't changed much.

And I noticed that I have a serious case of not being able to trust anyone as well as feeling antisocial. Anyone else go througt that?

a hug for ******{Cassie}}}}

Kassie -
You are not alone with those thoughts.

As far as feeling antisocial and distrustful....yes and yes.
This past year I have basically been in isolation, except for going back to school. I moved to a different state to be with him, and well, have been alone ever since. I am moving back to my home state in 4 months, my family and the majority of my great friends are there.... but as for now, I find it VERY difficult to go out or even want to meet anyone here.
I've been going to counseling, and have discussed with her that right now I can't even fathom the idea of opening up enough to someone, I've even found i've distanced myself from mutual high school friends that he and I had. They haven't done anything wrong, but I have built a wall up around myself.
So not healthy. But i'm working on building boundaries, which before, I really lacked.

I feel safe and social with my friends back home, and I can't wait to get there. But as for now, I feel exactly what you feel. I'm so stuck in my own thoughts sometimes that I can't imagine being a joy for anyone else to be around.

I'm looking at it this way though, I know I am making a choice to be antisocial right now, and this is a huge opportunity to really focus on me, why I have made the choices I have made, work through the pain I feel, and get back to the social person I used to be.

I send you a hug too... I know what it's like to need one :ghug3

hey there you two...its been since Oct 2006 since my XAH became and X...and it took a long long time even today I still go back "there"... but time does do wonders...you are the new kids on the block so to speak and there hasn't been sufficient time yet for your healing process to kick in...hang in there ok.

Hugs to you both..

Janitw

Thanks Janit :)

Well, I can only speak for myself, but new kid on the block yes, to this forum... not so much a new kid on the block to codependence and a lifetime of very poor choices stemming from years of...well, my life circumstances.
I agree with time though. This past relationship really forced me to hit my rock bottom. I can't ever recall a time in my life where I felt this, just lonely, sad and just withdrawn.

And i've made many poor relationship choices.... none quite as bad as this one. Which I am learning to take responsibility for how I got here.
Yep my healing process is a combined 34 years that i'm just coming to terms with.

Wow, I know these things can't be rushed, but I would LOVE to get through this quickly! :)

I think you posted on another thread, that if God brings you to it, he will get you through it.
I really really believe that. I have come this far, we all have, I don't think that there is much that any of us can't handle after what each of us has already experienced in life.
The strength is there...... it just gets buried under the rubble of emotion, we just have to dig it out.

Sorry I poked out after posting this last night. This is what I am talking about - I try to be social and then I withdraw.

Today is a better day. I saw my IC and feel better- gained insight and support what I am doing which is great. I can see that it is going to take more time than expected for me to recover from this.

I am learning as was noted in another thread that I come by the negative side of codependency from early on in life but ignored that piece for too long a time. It is now catching up with me and that is how I got here.

I am trying to pick up the good peices and lay down the negative ones.