I dont know if I even belong here anymore
 

I do love coming here- it does help me. But Im not positive AH's drinking is my #1 problem with him anymore- well its up there of course, my issue is trust- I used to BLINDLY trust the man- until he pulled my world apart.
My trust is gone. I believe nothing he says. Even when he's sober. I don't know how to be me again. Even with out him,if I was with someone else- I would have no trust. i hate what this has turned me into. I feel like Ive loved a man for 8 years that I dont even know.

Sounds like you belong here to me!
hugs

Good. You see what you need - to develop trust. The primary person you can learn to depend on is YOU. Are you trustworthy to you? Do you take care of yourself?


It seems he is not trustworthy. So, you can let go of practicing trust with him.

How are you taking care of you? Are you going to Alanon or Codependent's Anonymous? Do you have Codependent No More? What are you doing for you to heal and care for yourself?

I can really relate to your post.

I know it feels this way and I've had the same thoughts. But I'm trying not to tell myself how I'll feel in the future with someone else. As you take care of the hurt, and take care of yourself, I believe that we have the chance to trust again. But we need to trust ourselves first..

Of course you belong here! This forum is here for YOU, to help YOU recover. It sounds like you are becoming much more aware of your relationship, seeing what is rather than what you think it is, if you know what I mean. All part of the process. :ghug3

yes, ellima, you do belong here.

alcohlism/drug abuse drove us here, but we landed in the right place

Agreed!

As CoffeeDrinker so beautifully put it..."alcohlism/drug abuse drove us here, but we landed in the right place"

Trust is just another element of our lives that takes a hit when involved with an A. Trust takes time to rebuild when it has been damaged. It will only happen when the person that betrayed your trust...works honestly at helping you rebuild it. Or...if you did meet someone else...this person would have to behave in a decent honest TRUSTWORTHY manner so that trust can built between you. Trust is not a right of passage...it's earned.

I'm sorry for your pain ellima. It will take time for that to go away...
Don't leave SR...keep coming here. Vent when you need to...it's a safe place for you.

(((HUGS)))

Have no idea why you are doubting your being here.

Yes trust has to be earned and it is one of the hardest things my XAW is dealing with. She has asked me "can you ever trust me again?" I said exactly what you did that is has to be earned and you have to work on regaining that trust.

Ellima,

You absolutely belong here. And isn't it wonderful to belong!? We are all going through, or have been through precisely the same thing with our addicts that you are. Not only do you belong here, but everybody loves having you here. So stay, this is your place to be JUST YOU, get things off your chest and out in the open, and receive support and suggestions. Relax and enjoy the company, support and LOVE that we all have for each other here. Welcome home.

AWWW, Tig! I heart Tigger!

You know, when my husband smelled like beer the other night, I thought about all the things I could say...asking him gently if he was drinking (ha!), telling him I KNEW he was drinking, not saying anything...
I kept bringing it back to me. How do I feel. What is my problem.

Eventually I said, "The other night, I thought I smelled beer after you had said you wouldn't drink and I was pissed. Whether you were drinking or not is irrelevant. What my reaction says to me is I have trust issues with you. I don't feel you communicate openly and I don't trust you tell me the truth.
I am in therapy to work on that, but I don't think I can resolve those two issues without your participation.
I don't want a response. I am just telling you where I am at."

It felt really good. Communication without expectation.

Whether my husband is an alcoholic or not, I can't know. How much he drinks, I can't know. How much he craves, I can't know.
I do know I want someone open and honest and I don't feel I have it.
I am working on what I want to do about that.
I have found great support here in my process.:ring

So much of our posts seem to come back to codependency recovery, strength, self-esteem, boundary setting, self-care, self-awareness, etc.

Hugs
Wife

Thank you, Wife! That made me a little weepy. I heart Wife, too!