Someday will write a book about being a child trapped in a house
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: pittsburgh
Posts: 8
Someday will write a book about being a child trapped in a house
with BOTH parents being alcoholics. Unfortunately the memories are all too clear in my head. Memories of waking up hearing my parents fighting, and the sound of my mother screaming as my father would beat her terribly. I would run to the rescue and try to save her to no avail. Both of my siblings left the house when I was 5 or 6 so I was left on my own to grow up dealing with this. They were much older and had enough. This was how I remember my childhood. I remembered going to a therapist at one point after my divorce and tried to talk about it, but she told me that it seemed as though I had those feelings and memories under control and that she really didn't feel she needed to see me anymore.
Soooo
Decades later after both of my parents have passed (one to alcohol the other to heard disease), and after my divorce 4 years ago. I meet the man of my dreams. A caring, giving, patient incredibly handsome and charming man that I always dreamed of. He cooks, plays music, is a passionate lover, and has such a passion for life...when he ISN'T drinking...
He has been an alcoholic since the day I met him, in fact probably way before I met him. Had a very hard time dealing with the fact his wife no longer wanted him as a husband or a father. I honestly do not know if he drank during his marriage with her or not, I only know he drank HEAVILY after the divorce and has NOT been any better to this very day. I have already had ONE intervention for him with his best friend. We both sat him down and told him we care and don't want to see him keep killing himself. His family has also had an intervention for him. He works hard at a job that he hates and is making barely over minimum wage an hour. He blames his drinking on his job every time. His days off are spent usually drinking at least a bottle of vodka or rum himself, then tries to sleep it off before I get home. The same as my mother would do. Every day I would come home from school she would be passed out on the couch...
He is such an incredible person, and has SO much going for him. And he is everything that I could have ever wanted in a life partner (we are NOT married and will remain as life partners). BUT his drinking is destroying him and us. I am tired of the same old excuses, and lies. I have told him he doesn't have to hide it, that I already know as I find bottles hidden in the house. He says he can stop and will do so for a week...then comes the next day off...he calls me on the phone at work to say he loves me and I can tell by the slurr of his voice he is smashed...it makes my heart hurt. He denies it immediately, then will later admitt that he had ONE..JUST one drink...
Started Al anon meetings today in hopes there is help. I love this person and want to spend the rest of my life with him. How can I do this?
Soooo
Decades later after both of my parents have passed (one to alcohol the other to heard disease), and after my divorce 4 years ago. I meet the man of my dreams. A caring, giving, patient incredibly handsome and charming man that I always dreamed of. He cooks, plays music, is a passionate lover, and has such a passion for life...when he ISN'T drinking...
He has been an alcoholic since the day I met him, in fact probably way before I met him. Had a very hard time dealing with the fact his wife no longer wanted him as a husband or a father. I honestly do not know if he drank during his marriage with her or not, I only know he drank HEAVILY after the divorce and has NOT been any better to this very day. I have already had ONE intervention for him with his best friend. We both sat him down and told him we care and don't want to see him keep killing himself. His family has also had an intervention for him. He works hard at a job that he hates and is making barely over minimum wage an hour. He blames his drinking on his job every time. His days off are spent usually drinking at least a bottle of vodka or rum himself, then tries to sleep it off before I get home. The same as my mother would do. Every day I would come home from school she would be passed out on the couch...
He is such an incredible person, and has SO much going for him. And he is everything that I could have ever wanted in a life partner (we are NOT married and will remain as life partners). BUT his drinking is destroying him and us. I am tired of the same old excuses, and lies. I have told him he doesn't have to hide it, that I already know as I find bottles hidden in the house. He says he can stop and will do so for a week...then comes the next day off...he calls me on the phone at work to say he loves me and I can tell by the slurr of his voice he is smashed...it makes my heart hurt. He denies it immediately, then will later admitt that he had ONE..JUST one drink...
Started Al anon meetings today in hopes there is help. I love this person and want to spend the rest of my life with him. How can I do this?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 100
It makes me so angry to read of your therapist saying that she didn't need to see you any more. Therapists who don't know about the effects of alcoholism on the family have no business counciling people.
My wife was in bad need of help. The only councilor that she would agree to see was a local pastor. The situation was so serious that some of my children were afraid for their lives when left with my wife. The pastor knew this. He called one day and informed me that he had told my wife that everything was alright with her and he didn't need to see her again. I was furious!
He effectively shut down her counciling and she felt rejected and unwanted (again). So many of these people don't know what they are doing.
I am sorry that the man you love is an alcoholic. Unless we get help for ourselves, through a program like alanon or this forum, we are drawn to people like this. A conversation that I had that helped push me to alanon was when I told a friend how much I wanted to leave my marriage. The friend told me that if I didn't get help and learn what a healthy relationship was, I would seek out another just like her. He was so right. I am still in the marriage but I am so much healthier.
My wife was in bad need of help. The only councilor that she would agree to see was a local pastor. The situation was so serious that some of my children were afraid for their lives when left with my wife. The pastor knew this. He called one day and informed me that he had told my wife that everything was alright with her and he didn't need to see her again. I was furious!
He effectively shut down her counciling and she felt rejected and unwanted (again). So many of these people don't know what they are doing.
I am sorry that the man you love is an alcoholic. Unless we get help for ourselves, through a program like alanon or this forum, we are drawn to people like this. A conversation that I had that helped push me to alanon was when I told a friend how much I wanted to leave my marriage. The friend told me that if I didn't get help and learn what a healthy relationship was, I would seek out another just like her. He was so right. I am still in the marriage but I am so much healthier.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: pittsburgh
Posts: 8
I have had no help with any therapists and agree
they do not know how to handle such cases...
I am glad to hear you are still in your marriage, and feeling healthier and stronger. That is most important. I feel confident that I can get through this with the help of Al Anon and people such as yourselves.
Thank you
I am glad to hear you are still in your marriage, and feeling healthier and stronger. That is most important. I feel confident that I can get through this with the help of Al Anon and people such as yourselves.
Thank you
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
hiya silentjane - welcome!
I hope you keep going to AlAnon meetings! That's what really turned my head around.
Stick around and keep posting! Have you read the "stickies" at the top of the first page of this forum. Lotta good stuff in there - esp. the "Classic Reading."
peace-
b
I hope you keep going to AlAnon meetings! That's what really turned my head around.
Stick around and keep posting! Have you read the "stickies" at the top of the first page of this forum. Lotta good stuff in there - esp. the "Classic Reading."
peace-
b
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the SoberRecovery Family!
We're glad you are here. You will find lots of information and support for yourself here and at our Adult Children of Alcoholics Forum.
Pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home!
We're glad you are here. You will find lots of information and support for yourself here and at our Adult Children of Alcoholics Forum.
Pull out your keyboard and make yourself at home!
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