TakingCharge999

Been broke, struggling to obtain access to doc/medicines, stressed related to moving to another apartment and boyfriend issues. While juggling work as usual. While being yelled at by our financial backup because of stuff the landlord asks. While having my bf interviewed a whole hour about his life by the landlord and his family... (that's how things are like over here, it sucks..)
in an automatic assumption that I am No One and depend on him... my ego was hit... but I kept the mantra "I don't need to demonstrate anything" I kept my mouth shut.. they said that "even" when we were not married we seemed good ppl... WTF do they care about one's personal life????????


Now I get it.. its been difficult to find a decent place because I'm a .. WOMAN.. that's right... in this town they think I'm a troublemaker and as I'm not married.. that I'm a wh*re... yup. Its obvious ppl trust men more. Now I get why single males coworkers of mine get places in 2 weeks and for me its a struggle. Wow.

Sorry I will keep on rambling.

Being asked for more money as I had to stay a few days more at my old apartment. Being insulted by the 16-year old neighbor (but I was working on something important so I let it go more easily) as he yells to me out of my door. Now I am not saying "poor me" just what has got me stressed.

(he is angry because I confronted him about his bad behavior... then my bf asked his uncle to talk to him and they probably scolded him lol... then his mom said I showed cleavage... yeah right its my fault, I should wear a chador, I provoke him... BS)


Ok. What I was going to say...


Today I woke up at 630am with bf. He went to work. I worked online, had a moving company take my heavy stuff, been up and down the 4 floors of my old and new apartment, bought gas so there is hot water at the new place, cleaned and still cleaning apartment, still working. Planning to take a one-hour siesta then back to everything at once as I give the keys tomorrow at 10 am. Oh and I have a presentation to give at 4 pm.. but that doesn't worry me...yet. Did I mention PMS..

Bf comes from work. He enters the aparment. Checks every room to see what's there and what's not there like an inspector.

Tells me I still have much work to do, that he plans to go take a hot shower at the new place, takes one of my laptops and says he wants to watch a movie and sleep.




So, when I bring up the money subject up he says "we are a team" and "we work for both of us" quack quack, but when its me that need help then on he goes.

I felt so used and angry and like a real idiot. I tell him "hey you said you would help" he says "I worked all day, I'm tired, I don't want to climb stairs over and over". LoL.

I know what the problem is.. I'm too efficient... and did I mention.... A CODIE FROM HEAD TO TOE...?



First I had asked him to treat me right as I feel like a zombie and am stressed.. he hugged me and said he always supported me... then this





I calmly asked him to leave. He went to a room and came back shortly apologizing and saying that no he will take stuff and come back to help me. Right I say. Please leave. I may sleep here.


When he left I cried my heart out and felt soooooooooo bad and let down by myself..


So what's the plan? can't stay in this stressful place so I'm moving along and taking my stuff there and forgetting this place and the NOISE.

Then I'm sleeping at my own yoga room. Tomorrow I will rest ASAP ask not to be bothered, eat better. I will make another appointment with my therapist and go back for more Bach flowers. I will call Mom.



Its weird but I feel I got so many more tools now. I know BF needs me more than I need him. I imagine being by myself and saving myself these bad moments. I know I deserve peace. I am willing to cut my looses and leave. The financial backup is a good woman and I may ask her to rent me a place she mentioned. The woman from who I adopted my small cat rents rooms too. I may sell stuff and live with my two cats and 3 smart suits.

I feel so determined to live in peace. I won't let anyone mess with it. I have lost and lent money but you know what I'm smart and can get it again in no time. I am not going to decide about my BF now. I'll just breathe, finish work, sleep, then go on.

If I oversleep and can't leave tomorrow, so be it. The worse thing that can happen is that I pay even more than what I was asked. So what....

Gosh, I'm so tired of everything, but I feel so much stronger. One thing is to be sad and the other is to feel helpless...


Thank you for lending an ear... I think about my posts and I would recommend myself to RUN FAST from this guy... maybe its the looks? I don't think I will ever get someone as good looking... but what then?????? oh my god I'm such a mess. Again.

TakingCharge999

In some aspects I prefer the neighbor that shows who he is honestly... and you know exactly what to expect. At least I got a different perspective now.. ughh

Can't thank you all enough for being out there when I feel alone.

Impurrfect

(((TC))) throughout your post, I hear MUCH growth!!! I know you're tired and worn out, but I hear you, loud and clear, saying "I can do this life thing on MY OWN!!" (okay, with the 2 cats )...you go girl!!!

Get some sleep. The bf decision will make itself clear soon enough. I think you already have your answer, but are wise enough to not make that decision TONIGHT.

You have been through a lot, lately, but you continue to move forward and I, for one, am VERY proud of you!!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

tjp613

(((TC))))) You sound worn out. I'm so sorry. PMS is a b!tch! Deep breath and wake up strong(er) tomorrow. Remember, you are not a victim and can change your life at any time (except for maybe that discrimination thing! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!)

I'll pray for you tonight -- hope it helps. (((Hugs)))

Bernadette

Moving is one of the top stressors in a person's life. Off the charts.
Go easy on yourself- if you don't then who will?
(((((((((((((tc999))))))))))))))))
I hope you get a good night's sleep...sleeping well is like magic - makes stress disappear!

peace
b.

KeepPedaling

TakingCharge - The renting process you're going through reminds me so much of the Sex in the City episode where Miranda is buying her first condo. They keep asking her when the man will show up to sign the papers or something like that. Soooo messed up how society can be about strong, independent women. It's like society is still in denial.

So, I thought your new boyfriend wasn't an alcoholic? Does he have the same qualities as an alcoholic (super needy)? How long have you been with him and why are you moving in with him? Why not just live alone and date him?

I wish we were all there to help you move. Hang in there and try to save some extra time for a nice hot bubble bath!

Lotus2009

I just wanted to send you a biiig hug ((((TakingCharge))))
Hope you can get some sleep and relax a bit!!!

bookwyrm

:ghug3

Hope you got some rest - you sound so worn out!

Live

the southern culture there is very different.
I never met a man who didn't want to boss me around like a second class citizen/child/servant when I was in South America.
So, I really know what you are saying!

I wound up importing my companion! LOL

Jadmack25

Moving house, PMS, hoons and chauvenists, dumbo landlords, tired and you get in a tiz? Well, big SURPRISE.

You can't change the hoon, landlord or chauvenists, but do take a few deep breaths and convince yourself that "soon this will be done with".

Maybe let bf know that this is NOT the time for someone to push you an inch or he may be courting big trouble.
Whatever happens, let it all ride til you feel calm enough to make good decisions.

TakingCharge999

Thanks a lot for your kinds words... this is a vent:

I wanted to keep writing that night but BF took my laptop. He took some stuff with him.

Then I heard more shouts... BF was very stressed up.. he had told me that I shouldn't do what I was doing.. and I answered "what?? work at home?"

I remember shouting and feeling tension in the air.. I was afraid he saw the neighbor and fought... I tried to put it in God's hands... and thought perhaps I would end my night in a hospital. I thought you never know if in the heat of things someone will take a knife out and do something stupid. What I needed, BF, more trouble.

I got outside to see if I could see him. The neighbor's mom was out next to me I had never been insulted with so many words and for so much time before. Wow. I tried not to engage but I did... I was already overwhelmed by everything, what a hellish night.

A lightbulb came on and I decided to call the police incase they were fighting... of course they didn't answer, hung up, etc etc but I tried and tried until I got someone.

They said if it was an emergency and I said yes. I'm afraid my BF will get badly beat or killed by the neighbor and his friends. Well while I was talking I got out again and see from where I had heard the shouts and direct them there... the woman was there insulting me again.

I just stood and said "there is also his mother, she seems crazy and is very agressive, out of control, please come fast" well the woman HATED me for that and thought I was making up the call and laughed at me..

I waited and gave up, I said ok, if something happens... I'm not responsible... I am here trying to move somewhere else, work can wait, I 'll just hurry up packing... then I saw BF talking to the mom and the guy's uncle and a bunch of other people downstairs ... BF came up again... I told him I had called the police. I saw their lights so.. walked down... alone..

Well obviously I was a real mess and was crying my heart out. They were very tall and asked me what happened to me... granted I was crying not so much for the mad ppl around me but for feeling alone and not able to find a peaceful place and have BF add more problems and stress instead of being supportive, etc and told them everything about this neighbor and his mother... that the woman kept shouting at me and I was just trying to leave in peace.

The good thing is that my tears added drama and one of the policemen said "we will go up and talk to that woman" and I felt sooo relieved they had believed me and willing to do that... (in my country policemen suck and do nothing)

So I went up and there was BF. A few moments afterwards, the woman and peeping tom neighbor and the daughters and uncle etc etc came up.

Ok, so those moments and stresses had taken its toll. But her face... when she saw the policemen outside her door and realized I was not joking was ... priceless. Just with that I felt so much relief and that I had done well calling them.

I thought "hey, talk to me like you were doing earlier let's see if you are so brave now.."

They asked her not to talk to me and let me move my things without disturbing me. They asked peeping tom why he didn't respect me. The woman said he had never touched me and that I was a crybaby. That he was 16. That I was a troublemaker and it was his son now but afterwards I would flirt with someone else. That all other neighbors have been very decent people and have had excellent relations with her. That she had more important things to do and had to study and work and had no time for that. She then ran to her apartment and closed the door.

BF told me there was no need for police, that those ppl don't change. That he had already talked to the uncle and they had agreed on stuff yadda yadda... I told him it was not for him but for me...that the woman can yell to his son and daughters but she didn't have the right to yell at me. That I had to tell someone my view and police were the right people.

He took my cat Dolce and some stuff. I stayed with Gabanna up all night cleaning. The woman had said I was very dirty because I didn't mop the floor daily. So I said well that is what she says. She doesn't work or study or do something else other than be around throwing venom.

I didn't sleep and left the apartment SUPERCLEAN. It was a zen night and I tried to clean the dirt and imagine I was getting it out from my soul too... I also swept and mopped the neighbors' entrance... EVERY FLOOR... everything...

I didn't go to work the next day... barely made it to my new apartment. BF arrived.. I was sleeping.. by night he woke me up shouting out of the blue "arent you going to have dinner??????" as in.. he wanted me to boil some water for him to cook something... I just answered "tell me when I have waked you up shouting" and went back to sleep. Until today. I feel better now, my new neighbors are nice. Planning to unpack, clean.

BF complained the cats leave hairs behind and play too much and he doesn't want them on our bed. BF complained it was all a mess. I had been up for 2 days without sleep, for God's sakes. I was going to answer something but.. I remembered Bernadette and answered "oh".

Its difficult to be with someone sooooo damn pessimistic when I myself am and are striving to motivate myself. I will take my alternative therapies. Do yoga. Clean and wash stuff that is MINE. I will keep living my life as if I lived alone. I will keep my earplugs on, so no TV or movie bothers me.

The good thing is that BF wont be there for most of Saturday so I'll have time to recover from everything and find my way again...

My decision to live with him was not because I adore him... it is because now I will know him for real and stop wasting time if he is not someone one can negotiate with or someone reasonable. And yes the typical Macho culture down here sucks big time. I may end up importing a partner as well. Talking about alternative therapies I said Bach flowers had made a difference... he laughed and said flowers couldn't change anything... that it was a waste of money. I learned my lesson. I wont' suggest anything anymore.. or try to fix or recommend... nope... just me and "what can I do to make this moment better for ME?" and I will go ahead. Period...

TakingCharge999

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support. That night and now I keep remembering what we always talk about.... boundaries and not engaging.... I made a lot of mistakes but with these cyberfriends I no longer feel alone.... and feel this is the right path!!!! "Whatever it takes" for peace.... whatever it takes... whatever...

bookwyrm

:ghug3

Please take care of yourself. Be true to you - you are very special and deserve to be treated with respect and 'heard'. Wishing you peace and serenity...though if anyone bad mouthed my cats they'd be out the door so fast their feet wouldn't touch the ground!!!

Impurrfect

(((TC))) - so sorry you had to go through all that, but good for you on calling the cops!!

I truly hope you, Dolce and Gabanna can find some peace and serenity...no matter WHAT bf does!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

TakingCharge999

Yes book, I told bf once "they are cats. they shed hair. you go out with me. and i own two cats." I love it when he leaves for work because then the cats come sleep with me and cuddle... he is the bad guy.. and me the loving mom, lol.

That was what I thought today.. "if I had to choose between them I would not even blink to make my decision"...

That night I arrived home at 6 am.. didn't even want to see BF as I was angry he helped just a little... so I went to another room and Dolce was superhappy to see me.... aww just like I was to see her.. helped to know someone had been waiting for me and was happy to see me ..

At least the cats had and still have a blast with all those boxes and stuff!

(((HUGS))))

Live

Peace be with you!

I loved Argentina, want to live there again, ...with new enlightened type man hubby....but don't get me started on that aspect of the culture as it is to us and feminists and raised in freedom.

If I ever start washing my floors every day...some one take me to the hospital, I have lost my mind. LOL

MissFixit

Hugs TC.

You deserved to be adored. Please take care of yourself. He isn't the only man in the world.

TakingCharge999

Thanks Miss. ((hugs back))

I realize in this relation I constantly feel the need to defend myself.

I am trying to sort out if its because I'm no longer a doormat (of course things looked good and peaceful and great.. when I was giving in to everything) or if its because we are just too different....

Impurrfect

((TC))

Maybe a little bit of both? In either case, you DO deserve to be adored.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

harleyd101

TC, you are such an inspiration here! You deserve the best girl!! I often look at my dog and think there would be no choice between him and the ex!! My little bugger is my sweetness, and animals love us unconditionally. Someone once told me that animals can sense the true nature of a person, and my dog couldn't stand my ex!!! LOL!!!!

Take care of your beautiful self lady, you deserve the very best, and we need you here!!! (((HUGS))))