The codie in me...
 

...wants to ask XAH why there are bills piling up in his "inbox" stuck to the wall next to front door that haven't been paid, and wants to tell him to be careful because the gas and hydro company will shut him down!!!

OR

...wants to know if he and his son are eating ok because all they had for lunch were pirogies, and WHY he's got a fancy new wool coat on when he says he didn't have enough money for food/beer and I had to pay that stupid cable/internet bill for him!!

OR

...wonders how he`s going to pay for his Blackberry now that he's switching jobs and the new company hasn't agreed to pay for his phone, so there won't be any way to contact him except via email and what about his son being at home with no phone!!

OR

...agrees to go pick up cat food for him on my way to tango class, even though it's on my way and even though he gave me the money for it I still feel MAD at myself for saying yes and had to calm my anger down before going dancing.

UGH this stupid internal struggle in driving me batty! All this simply from seeing him for 15 minutes when I dropped DD off at his place. Make the madness stop!

the only positive thing is that I'm not living through this on a daily basis anymore...

Any words of wisdom out there for me?

Breathe. Ease. Let go. Give life back over to your HP.
Accept that he IS that way. You can't change it and wishing he were not who he is makes you suffer.
Refocus on yourself and the good you can create in the world.
You are okay. :)

Wife

Whooooooo - just reading your post made me exhausted!!!

The only way to stop the obsession is to stop the obsession!

Some tricks I have used in the past:

Looking at the clock or setting a timer for 10 - 15 minutes max and telling myself OK B you can freak out and worry about all this until X time and then you are going to _________________ (fill in blank with something that you need to do for yourself).

or I say this ad infinitum until it pushes every other thought out of my head:

God grant me the
Serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage
to change the things I can, and the
Wisdom
to know the difference.

It helps me to remember that obsession is a symptom of codependency and that if I am going to break those sick habits of mind it takes practice. I believe that my obsessing is a way to not face whatever is cooking on my side of the street.

peace-
b

My stepson's mother isn't willing to take him in right now, though if he asked her straight out, I think she'd say yes. He doesn't want to leave his father though, so he stays in Montreal. I've done my best for him: he has my multiple emails, I just found out he was given a new cell phone for Christmas, he has my many numbers and my parents' number, and he knows where I live now...so if he wants to see me or get away from dad, he can. I've also discussed his case with a social worker and with his guidance counsellor, so people are aware of the situation, but since there's been no abuse (nothing "bad enough" anyhow), there's nothing I can do legally. It's very sad.

It was a 3 hour milonga and it was friggin awesome. :D I wish I had time/money to go tango dancing every day. All my worries melt away on the dance floor :)

thanks for the tip B :) I feel like such a teenager calling you that btw :p

I think this tool will help me a lot.

LOL anvilhead, you crack me up! I never thought anyone would actually research the term "milonga" :) That was awesome, thanks!

Lol...here's something new for you: My favourite move right now is performing a gancho after a series of ochos :)

They sound like something very tasty and hot from a Mexican cafe?

LOL! Well, it *is* sort of "tasty and hot" if you know what I mean,...*nudgenudge*winkwink*saynomore* :D