transformyself

The publisher of the new trade journal I"m managing is really pissing me off.

She's a spoiled, young rich girl that says things to me that really define sick family of origin dynamics.

I'm not sure what she does, exactly, other than collect the checks for the ads I"ve sold. won't disclose budget info to me. Says she's "a project manager" that is "here to provide support" for me, yet talks about herself constantly, interrupts me (or anyone else speaking to her) and lists her woes when you ask for assistance. "I"m trying to run 4 businesses here!" is the common one.

When I ask for help, she's annoyed. When I press for details about the budget, she's evasive and wants me to "trust her" I told her I would, once she gives me financial disclosure. We're supposed to go over distribution then the budget on Tuesday. She referred to the other people working with me as, "hippies who don't understand corporate structure," and is furious they told me about their changing schedule instead of telling her directly. And here's the final straw for me, she actually said to me,

I don't need to hear about this from someone who works for me.

Screw you lady. You're a self obsessed, stingy, narcissist that is covering your butt for some reason.

And here's where the ACOA crap comes in. The combined "I"m here for you," message with offensive messages that I"m really a piece of crap.

Yes, I know this is business, but I have worked by myself, for myself for so long that I don't have much tolerance for disprespect. I don't agree that business has to be dog eat dog. We can share resources. We dont' have to step on others to achieve success.

I"m working my rear off, the other manager and I are, and I don't think she's doing anything. She handed me all the original sales files last meeting, put me in charge of it because I need to be paid and she said she'd give me 20% of the ads I sold.

The other manager is a straight up, hard working, brilliant man that i utterly trust. He has said not to worry about her anymore, that we'll kick out this first, premier issue together and then she'll be gone. He's her partner, yet she badmouths him to me, won't include him on anything. She's a nightmare.

The whole scene is a mess. I hate politics, I hate having to deal with jerks and am beginning to think the world is full of them. If it weren't for the other editor, her business partner, I would just think most business people are sociopathic jerks.

I'm just going to keep my other jobs going, not put all my eggs into this basket and wait and watch to see what happens, all thought I really want to tell her to go **** herself. She doesn't care about anyone else, juyst gives lip service so they'll help her get what she wants.


Grrrrrr.....

FindingPeace1

Breathe. Ease. Find compassion for yourself. Once you do that, you can find compassion for others.

People act out of fear when they don't know they have other choices. People that act out of fear are hurting. (We all know this from personal experience.)
Be aware of your own desire to control/react to others and judge them.

You can't control others' behavior. Only your own.
Allow the universe to be what it is.
Breathe. Ease. Give it over to your HP.

Hugs,
Wife

transformyself

UPDATE

I had a long conversation with the publisher, told her all of my concerns and she was completly open and understanding. We've established a good working relationship, I think, because I can be honest with her and she accepts her shortcomings.

We had a very productive meeting today, but she still interrupts, tries to control every conversation and talks about herself constantly.

I can work with that, look past it. It was the financial disclosure and back biting I was worried about. She's been an open book about the finances, literally, which is a great comfort to me.

I just felt it was necessary to follow up, and explain that I've changed my nasty attitude toward her.

I"m EXCITED more so than I can remember in a long time...

GiveLove

I love those kinds of turnarounds, transformie. Now you can channel that energy into something that you love instead.

transformyself

Yes I can.
transformie? LOVE IT!! Even if it's a typo, which I doubt as you're so careful and intentional in all your posts.

Transformie. Proper Noun. A person aspiring and working towards transforming their suffering into peace and self awareness. " Carol used to be a real mess, but now she's Transformie."

naive

ha ha.

"carol used to be a co-dependent, but after therapy and hard work, she's now a transformie.

love it.

GiveLove

Aw heck, I just stole that from learn2live is all [blush]
But I like your definition better! (meant to do it! yeah!)

transformyself

Ha ha ha ha
Naive, great edit! I guess "mess" is deragatory. We dont' want to see folks marching at city hall, carrying signs.

I AM NOT A MESS. I AM A CODEPENDENT.
EQUAL RIGHTS FOR CODIES
CODEPENDENTS ARE PEOPLE TOO

husbandofacoa

I hate spoiled-assed young people. I hated them when I was young and they really **** me off now that I am old.

catlovermi

Can you respectfully stop her and tell her, each time she interrupts you or has conversations that are too personal or inappropriate? Sometimes people in such habits don't even know they are doing it. Part of your responsibility is to train others how to treat and respect you, in a kind and respectful way (say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean). Once they are aware of a poor behavior, then when they do it they start to recognize they are doing it and can decide to change it. If they don't realize they are doing it, you can't expect them to read your mind.

CLMI

transformyself

Here's another update:

I did have a conversation wtih her, shortly after posting this and was clear and kind about her interrupting me, about talking down to me and told her we should reconsider our business relationship. Take a look at what we both want and determine if we can-or want to-work together.

It was very productive. Let me stress that I was venting and angry and a bit triggered in my original post.

since then, I"ve taken her to yoga with me and we've been in meetings together for two days straight.

When I tried to tell her what to wear for class (yoga) she didn't listen, interrupted me and said, "I know what to wear, I've taken yoga for years."

I tried explaining that this is Bikram yoga, and it's very hot in the room and she should wear next to nothing.

She arrived with long stretch pants and a shirt. Everyone else wears basically stylized beachwear/yoga clothes. The other folks told her, "you'll be taking off that shirt."

AFter, she said she will remember to dress apporpriatly next time. I gently reminded her of my attempt to give her the necessary information, and tied it into my frustration wtih her inability to listen. I think--all though I could be wrong--that this was an aha moment for her. Whether or not she's able to change remains to be seen. She says she's open to hearing me and changing.


She still talks about herself constantly, but I appreciate her marketing skills and strategy planning.

There are still some basic budgeting and transparency issues that need to be worked out, but at this point I'm willing to trust- but verify- with her. Be smart about my interactions with her.

I"m going to put a paper out in two weeks and if she doesnt' want to do some basic things necessary to be in business with me, I'll go file the DBA myself, open a business account and start talking to potential investors asap.

transformyself

And Catlover
I'm very good at both not expecting people to read my mind and creating clear boundaries. Part of the problem with internet only communication is that at times I don't disclose every detail. I posted the above info to illustrate this.