rdy4change

Why is it always something? AH and I don't talk much and when we do he always needs me to do something or has something to complain about. This weekend he went to our cabin, called me Friday night and told me 3 of our recreational toys were stolen out of the garage. No break in so it was someone that knows the code. I think he hid them and wants the insurance money. But, he called a very good friend of ours and accused him of taking them because we owe him some money. I'm mortified and embarassed. We fought about this issue because I told him NO WAY did this person do it. blah blah blah Oh...I should mention that after he told me of the accusation, I looked in the freezer to find 1/2 Litre of Vodka gone (I had checked it in the morning and it was brand new). So, by the time he made this accusation he had probably consumed almost an entire Litre for the day. Well then then I just wonder if he's so polluted he can't see them or doesn't remember where he parked them.

If you notice the time-table you will see that he consumed this 1/2 Litre and then drove 2 hours out of town. Wasn't there a post recently about how wrong is it to call your spouse in on a DWI? I guess I need to go back and re-read the responses to that one.

Anyway, then he calls later Friday to tell me that the hot water works but not the cold...the line is frozen. Bummer I say. After all, what am I supposed to do?

Last night he called late to talk to DD and she was already asleep. Then he says 'well, my life just keeps getting better'. I said nothing and neither did he so of course I endulged him...'oh no, why is that?' (note that i said this with much sarcasm in my voice). 'We have no water up here...the water is frozen', he says. I questioned it by saying...'I thought you said just the cold was frozen, not the hot?'. He started to get angry...'well now it's both and no one up here answers the phone so no help either'. I told him then that he better turn off the main water so that the pipes don't burst and water go all over until we (oh, I mean me) can get someone to take a look at it. He snapped at me and said 'I don't really give a F anymore....I gotta go...good bye'.

Seriously, this is a daily occurance. Everything that happens is only happening TO him. Um...I got new for you pal...all this crap that happens to you is also happening to me because it's my stuff too and on top of THAT I have YOU to deal with. Good Lord..why is it that they can't see that no one wants to come to their pity party. I get that the disease has taken over and his mind is gone. What about me? I'm losing my mind too! Urgh.

Still Waters

So, what are you going to do for yourself today rdy?

tjp613

Are you rdy4change?

rdy4change

I'm going to take a deep breath, a hot bath and a get a good hug from my daughter. Then I'm going to think about which day this week I'm going to pay a courier to wait outside of his work to serve him the divorce papers that I have.

Friday is my birthday (his too believe it or not)...maybe I'll do it then. It would definately be a day neither of us will forget!

RollTide

I wish you strength, Rdy. In November I too had reached my limit and filed for divorce. My husband found a new place and moved out. Although I love him there was immediately a sense of relief at being away from the insanity. And after a few benders it seems that he is actually seeking help. I also started going to AlAnon and it was the best thing that I could have done for myself.

nodaybut2day

rdy4change...I empathize. My life with my XAH was always about skipping from one crisis to another, and every time, he was a "victim" of circumstances and people around him. I've come to believe that XAH is a "drama addict" and that`s how he feels "alive". After being away from him for a mere week I suddenly find myself surprised at the utter quiet and peace in my life. It's niiiiice.

Kassie2

This is one of my biggest complaints about my RAH, I realized that it was part of his drinking - a defense sort of - focusing on everything and everyone else instead himself. Sober, he did it less, which was great! but he is short on the taking responsibility part and real short on listening to my complaints as if he is the only one these things happen to. It is part of the self centered stuff and part of the defense mechanism/ shifting focus or blame as one might put it.

My RAH made a pact at one point that we would have a limit or a cue to remind the other when enough is enough. Not possible when one is drinking though.