eemag71

hi all,
i'm a 25 y/o alcoholic, started drinking at 21 and have already screwed up a couple of times and had to go to rehab to keep my job, but i still drink on the weekends.

anyways, i come here and read the stories of people having to deal with drunk spouses and i get depressed, because i feel i am doomed to be the same alcoholic stereotype. i don't think i'm strong enough to fight it. even if i'm sober for 10 years (recently had 46 days sober), i still have the chance to one day drink again.

so i isolate myself to prevent hurting others. i could start dating, but i'm afraid i might get married and have kids and then ruin everything like the stories i read here.

is that what i should do? isolate myself forever? that way i don't hurt anyone. i don't want to end up like some of the stories here.

TTOSBT

Or you could decide that living without alcohol opens up the possibility of so many wonderful experiences to happen in your life.
Just a thought......

tigger11

Eemag - from the courage it took you to post on FF and your concern, I'd venture a guess that after a long time in recovery and diligently working the 12 steps, you'll do just fine. My Stepdad is a 35-ish sober A. He and my Mom have been married over 20 years, and they're WONDERFUL! Don't be so hard on yourself. Work the program, grow, heal. You'll make somebody a FINE spouse someday. Chin up.

Tigger

barb dwyer

eemag- welcome-

and *I* post over here, because i DON"T want to keep making the same mistake.
I want to make whatever it is that draws these types into my life...

... better.

So hang out - I've learned a TON being over here,
and I've also learned how much ...
I already had learned.

Kittyboo

Eemag,
Hi

It really sounds like you are already very aware of the life that you don't want, and that alcohol is a path to that life.
That's already a positive step!

The biggest things are the things we tell ourselves daily.... if you change that "I don't think i'm strong enough to fight it..." To " I know I am strong enough to fight it!" , your sending yourself the message that will start to change how you view yourself.

Quite frankly, you sound VERY strong and able!
If you could paint in words the life that you DO want for the future, what would that look like?

cmc

I'm not an alcoholice but when I was first starting in Al-Anon I attended LOTS of open AA and NA meetings at my son's halfway house. Those folks inspired me.

I went to those meeting for _me_ not for my son's benefit- nor for me to help him find recovery. The main thing I got from going there was a sense of hope that _I_ could grow and change in my own program just like they were in theirs.

btw....After ten years of using drugs...being in and out of various facilities and jails; my son got serious about recovery when he was 26. One year later he met a wonderul young lady and married her another year after that. He's happy, works hard and has opportunities that would never exist if he was living his old life.


I'm not saying getting sober and staying sober is going to be easy but it is definitely worth it. You are worth it.


I'm so glad you are reading here. You don't have to hurt anyone...and that "anyone" includes yourself; and you don't have to end up like what you're reading in the stories here.

Bernadette

I had a therapist tell me once - It's not enough to know what it is you don't want. Figure out what you want and then find the people that have it and learn from them, let them be your mentors, imitate and practice the behavior you admire.

So do you know what you want? Can you find some like-minded people who have it and ask them how they got that way? Isolating and living in fear of future-fantasy mistakes is no way to live!

The past is gone. You are free in this moment.

peace-
b

eemag71

good advice/replies, thanks

naive

hi eemag-

have you tried AA? if you want to stay sober, that's the ticket.

as for relationships, well, if you are only 46 days sober then AA would advise you to spend a year learning how to live soberly before entering a relationship.

for myself, honesty is key. if you do take a partner, it would be wise to be frank with them and tell them that you are a recovering alcoholic. if you relapse, your partner can be a great support to you IF YOU ARE HONEST AND SINCERE ABOUT WANTING RECOVERY.

you are at a bit of an advantage, because admitting you are an alcoholic is half the battle won. why don't you give AA a try and then go get everything you want out of this life.

naive

bookwyrm

You're only 'doomed' if you want to be. Sure, you have the chance of relapse. You also have the chance of being run over by a bus tomorrow! If you work on you and on your sobriety (and look both ways before crossing the road) you can minimise this chance. You have that choice. You have a good chance of avoiding becoming a 'stereotype', it just takes work. Do you have a good support network to help you? AA seems to have a really good success rate from everything I've read.

Whoa, slow down there!! One step at a time. You haven't even been on a date and you're already married with kids!!! Try and focus on the here and now. I have depression and I find the one day at a time slogan is really good when feeling overwhelmed by thinking about the future.

There is a lot of good advice here on this thread for you. I, for one, have had many years of practice in telling my alcoholic how to get better!

Take care of yourself. :ghug3

MeHandle

Why do you still drink on weekends then?

People who have a problem with alcohol and continue to abuse alcohol are not a stereotype, they are practicing alcoholics.

You don't think you are strong enough to 'fight' it but you think you are strong enough to remain isolated from people, particularly a woman in the future in order to never hurt someone else? You are not 'special' beyond others, the ability to 'fight' is your choice. Hopefully for your future of a full life.

So because there is a "chance" you may drink again why even bother and live in fear of tomorrow? This is an excuse. I enjoy reading the threads of the "recovered alcoholics " on this sight. That is not a typo, they distinguish between recovering and recovered.( info that they are here to serve incase you didn't know they were here.)

Why read these and continue to 'feel' depressed instead of a mind set of power for the journey?



So you hurt yourself, you live in fear and you plan for the worst? Is this what you call living?

Let me be honest: If you aren't going to be strong enough to work( fight) on your problem, you most likely aren't going to be strong enough to remain without human touch. You will end up hurting someone anyway. BUt good for you that you don't want to get married if you are a practicing alcoholic. i commend you for this. If will limit the amount of damage to you and others.

You know the answer to this!!! No you shouldn't isolate yourself forever!!!! It is a fantasy world to believe you will never hurt anyone. The amount of damage or joy you bring to yourself and another human being is within your abilities to control. Do you really believe the decisions for today should rest on your created fears of tomorrow?

It hurt to read your post, a young life thrown away, with some 'bs' that it would be for the protection of others!!!! I believe you believe this but it is an example of stinkin thinkin!!!!!!! Wake up and smell the coffee.........you have a LIFE that was given to you to be lived!!!!!!! Maybe a mindset of planning to live it instead of planning to avoid it might help.........with a lot.

love tammy