nodaybut2day

I mean...the physical, mental and emotional fatigue of dealing with an alcoholic or after leaving said alcoholic?

I find myself constantly tired, going to bed a mere 30 minutes after my daughter, and though I sleep relatively well (only a few nightwakings these days), I still feel spent. Done. As in, stick a fork in me...

I eat well on a daily basis.

I write though I could journal more.

I haven't seen many friends. I *want* to go out and do things, but with a cosleeping nursling and being constantly pooped, I don't do much and get depressed about it. I can't wrap my brain around "meeting new people" because I feel like XAH just *sucked the life out of me* for 5 years and now the well's depleated.

I dunno. I guess I'm just tired of being tired.

stella27

I think you should just enjoy the opportunity to snuggle in with your nursling for now. Some of what you are experiencing is definitely related to the constant 24/7 duties of caring for her, and your body genuinely needs the rest. So to a great extent, what you are feeling is normal and would occur regardless of the A in your life.

I talked to my doctor about an anti-depressant when my youngest baby was 3 months old and I came back to work. I needed the help mentally. And I was nursing, and Baby hasn't shown any ill effects from the AD in his breastmilk.

For the fatigue, I would say "sleep." The loneliness is a different issue, and I don't really have good advice there. ((hugs))

GiveLove

Most of my exhaustion (and loneliness, and depression) around dealing with an A could be traced back to lack of quality sleep. I would sleep 10-12 hours per night sometimes, and it was barely enough to keep me going. And I didn't even have a baby!

I've had to learn to protect my sleeping hours - and the quality of my sleep - with great ferocity. They are what keeps the rest of my day from sinking into depressive mire. Are there any small adjustments you can make (besides forgiving yourself for needing so much sleep!) that will improve the quality/quantity of the rest you get?

I also suffer from seasonal affective disorder, and find that all I really want to do, from November to February, is hibernate. I've had to forgive myself for that too. Not much of a social life for me these days

Be gentle with yourself. Life will gradually settle down, and things will happen when they're supposed to happen.

Hugs,
GL

naive

i try to keep it simple.

rest.
eat healthy food.
get some sunlight.
move my body.
keep my house in order.

doesn't sound that exciting, but i'm thrilled to have some balance again in my life.

oh, and did i mention, don't talk to him anymore? that's a big one for peace.

Lotus2009

I agree with the above posts...

I was completely exhausted at the end of the year (and I don't even have any kids... it was all due to having to deal living with an active A)... not even the christmas weekend got me feeling any better, even though I hardly did anything. So I decided to use the new years weekend (3 days) for myself... didn't go out, didn't meet anyone, avoided AH as much as possible and just stayed home, slept a lot, ate well, did a lot of soul searching... and on Monday I was feeling much better. What I'm trying to say is that it is ok to just take some time for just you and the baby... where you don't feel like you have to do anything... and it's ok to go to sleep early... it's ok to feel like you need to rest more (I know taking care of a baby is A LOT of work).

I know it's hard to get yourself up and meet new people when you're exhausted all the time. But you could set just set some time (an hour or more depending on what you feel like) a week aside for socializing... take it slow... see if it feels right. When I was feeling depressed and didn't want to do anything, I finally set one day each week where I would meet up with a friend or group. At first, it was just kind of like another thing on my to do list... but once I was out, I usually was able to enjoy it. I am still doing it this way (planning one thing for each week)... but now it doesn't really feel like a "chore" anymore. If you do want to get out of the house and meet new people, you could try doing something with your baby and other moms (then both you and your baby could get some social time in and maybe you could even combine it with some sort of exercise). Maybe there is a good mommy/baby MeetUp group (meetup.com) in your area (I know there are several where I live).

Don't be so hard on yourself! Take care and be gentle with yourself ((((nodaybut2day))))

brundle

I have to agree with the others... Dealing with a chronic illness everyday I kind of have to 'plan ahead for'. But there are times that I hit a wall and for days I just let myself sleep or rest or whatever it is my body is saying it needs...

If I get buggy... Like I really want to see other people I ask them (that's hard for me) to come over and just hang out.... Once I tell the truth that I'm really tired but want to be with everyone they are happy to spend the time with me at the house. I also have to be honest when I just don't have the energy to be with others. It's hard for me to disappoint people or sometimes to say what I want. But it's good for me and no one (except my Alcoholics )ever have a problem with it.

ItsmeAlice

Oh my! I remember how tired I was when I separated from XABF. Of course, I also packed my whole house myself and moved three states away, but it had been years of insanity by that point. I was muscle weary for weeks and mentally worn for a month.

Like the other posters, I went with what my body was telling me. I slept when I was tired as often as I could. I ate well and socialized when I was up to it. I cried a lot, but tried to be as patient as I could with my moods.

In the end, it all passed. I gained more energy, started getting an appetite for healthy foods instead of just comforting snacks, and started being interested in chatting with people and getting out of the house. It just took time and TLC.

Anyone who has been through the stressful ups and downs of living with an addict understands. Anyone who has had to care of someone very ill for a long period understands. Anyone who has taken abuse in any form understands. Anyone who has been to war understands. You will need to recover physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Takes a little time to turn the Titanic around - Amy Grant singer/songwriter.

Much love,
Alice

Still Waters

I think part of it is depression, for me.

Meeko

Yes dealing with an alcoholic is just so emotionally draining. I remember that feeling of just being tired all the time and not wanting to do anything. So some days I basically did all that I needed to and no more. So I took it easy on myself because even though it hurt I knew it would pass. And it did!

Give yourself some time. This is only temporary.

Pelican

I agree with our friends here at SR.

I became aware of my body's need for extra sleep
I accepted that it is okay for me to indulge myself in getting my sleep time
I took action to schedule and protect my time for sleep. (I turn off the ringer on my cell phone and ask my teenagers to turn down their volume)

I have pampered myself with flannel sheets, three blankets and zzzzzzzz.

During the daytime hours, I try to eat healthy meals and get some excercise. I also take vitamin supplements.

CatsPajamas

I was totally exhausted and spent, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I had to nurture myself and indulge my need for rest... I needed all the rest I could get for awhile!

And, like Still Waters, some of mine was depression. Ultimately I talked to my doctor about it and we came up with a plan that helped to get me out of the deepest parts of the despair and back on track to enjoy my life.

I had to allow myself to accept my reality, my new life and circumstances, and to grieve.

There is so much light and life on the other side. It was worth the journey.

bookwyrm

Give yourself a break - having a baby is exhausting!! I don't think new parents get much sleep in the first few years never mind adding the drama of an alcoholic into the mix. You're doing really well.

tigger11

Ndb2d

tigger11

NDB2D - sorry, bolluxed that first one. HUGS! I agree... you're tired from dealing with your A, having a young child, emotional stress, probably plenty of physical stress. Let yourself rest when you need to rest. And Still's point about depression might just be on target.

I love Cat's quote; "There is so much light and life on the other side. It was worth the journey."

MORE HUGS!!!

Still Waters

My therapist helped me get to the point where I could move, I was sooo mentally exhausted that I was at a standstill. I'm convinced that she saved my life.

Pelican: I have a down comforter, two soft cotton weave blankets, a 100% cotton duvet, six pillows with cotton covers, and a small bright cotton throw, with my high thread count 100% cotton sheets.

My nest is my favorite place.