They really do make your head spin
 

So, my AGF got in touch with me today, complaining that I'm not there for her. Not as a boyfriend, partner, or even as a friend.

Thing is, it was her who pushed me away because I dared question her drinking.

She kicked me out when I questioned her drinking - I complied and left.
She said I was controlling - I complied and gave her the keys to her apartment back.
She started lying and doing things without me and behind my back - i.e. so she could drink.
She cut off a lot of contact. I complied by leaving her alone.

Now that she has achieved what she set out to do, she isn't happy. Now she's complaining that I abandoned her.

Now that I am detached and don't rush to her beck and call....she is unhappy.

I am dizzy here.

She won't even acknowledge that she pushed me away.

Ives, she's pregnant right? That's why you haven't cut off contact completely?

That's correct.

If I break off contact completely, then I will be accused of abandoning a pregnant women, which isn't really what I want to do.

You don't have to be with her to be a father to your child. Also, have you reported her drinking while pregnant to anyone?

Yes, to the legal guardians of her son, and to our Obstitrician who in turn alerted her GP - who is aware of her time in rehab. There's really nothing else I can do.

She's now turning everything back onto me. She knows I'm involved with Al Anon and has now sent me the 12 steps and says I should work on them. She herself, of course, has 'quit' drinking.....just like that, apparently.....or so she says.

She's got to be the biggest liar and manipulator I have ever met. If I keep on trying to reason with this person, it will drive me insane. I really, really don't like this person much at all anymore.

Sorry to hear there is nothing they can/will do. I would request testing for fetal alcohol syndrome once the baby is born and go for custody if you can. In the meantime, don't let her manipulate you. Alcoholics typically are not happy with anything.

I'm inclined to agree with Anvil. Even with the pregnancy, what is the purpose of you being available for her 'complaint of the day?' It's unhealthy for you and typical alcoholic quacking on her part.

I understand the need to stay aware of her pregnancy, though. Since there's not much you can control until custody proceedings are an option, is there a way you can be notified by family or a friends of hers when she does have the baby?

I guess I'm thinking the healthier you can get in your recovery and the less affect she has on that between now and then, the better you will be able to take on the responsiblity of that child and deal with her once that happens.

If she's not drinking while pregnant, which I may doubt as well, the stress of having a newborn may trigger her to drink after the birth. I would want to swoop in and grab that baby, too!

Hang in there, Ives. We can endure almost anything in the short term. Focus on the future!

Hugs,
Alice

HaHa, there you have it..!

Hi Ives,

Have you ever looked into borderline personality disorder? I'm not saying your wife has it but a friend's wife did and it sounded pretty crazy. A lot of I love you - I hate you stuff.

Spinner

Yeah, there are a lot of underlying issues at work here. She is at least seeing a psychiatrist regularly and working on that stuff. She apparently should be on medication according to her therapist.

But as someone said, the important part is taking care of me, which I am doing. Not having much contact with her is really helping, I don't feel the symptoms of anxiety as much anymore.