Kids and alcoholic wife
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Maybe he needs to know one of us is still "sane" 24/7.
Yes. That's why it's awesome that you're reaching out for help.
Whether he believes your wife's words or blames you is irrelevant. That's part and parcel of the disease. Alcoholics play the blame game to protect their drinking. That doesn't mean we as family members need to participate.
My dad was also a "secret drinker", vodka in the coffee mug, only ever had a beer or two that anyone saw. He had all the mood swings and anger and erratic behavior. I internalized that as a child and took on a lot of guilt and shame and adult problems that weren't ever my responsibility.
My mom thought that when she divorced him she "got rid of her problem" and never dealt with any of the issues. It would have made a world of difference to me if someone had just had an honest talk with me about the disease of alcoholism. Not to shame my dad or blame him for anything, but just to arm me with knowledge about the disease so that I didn't blame myself for his behavior, or take it as a personal rejection.
I encourage you to be honest with your son and get yourselves to some Alanon/Alateen meetings. There's no need to drag your wife into some big confrontation about her drinking right now. It won't "fix" anything, just waste your energy and build your frustrations even more.
It seems counterintuitive, but focusing on taking care of yourself and your son rather than your wife is really the most helpful thing you can do for your family right now.
Really glad you're here. Keep reaching out. We are all here for you.
Yes. That's why it's awesome that you're reaching out for help.
Whether he believes your wife's words or blames you is irrelevant. That's part and parcel of the disease. Alcoholics play the blame game to protect their drinking. That doesn't mean we as family members need to participate.
My dad was also a "secret drinker", vodka in the coffee mug, only ever had a beer or two that anyone saw. He had all the mood swings and anger and erratic behavior. I internalized that as a child and took on a lot of guilt and shame and adult problems that weren't ever my responsibility.
My mom thought that when she divorced him she "got rid of her problem" and never dealt with any of the issues. It would have made a world of difference to me if someone had just had an honest talk with me about the disease of alcoholism. Not to shame my dad or blame him for anything, but just to arm me with knowledge about the disease so that I didn't blame myself for his behavior, or take it as a personal rejection.
I encourage you to be honest with your son and get yourselves to some Alanon/Alateen meetings. There's no need to drag your wife into some big confrontation about her drinking right now. It won't "fix" anything, just waste your energy and build your frustrations even more.
It seems counterintuitive, but focusing on taking care of yourself and your son rather than your wife is really the most helpful thing you can do for your family right now.
Really glad you're here. Keep reaching out. We are all here for you.
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