hit in the gut.... again
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: around the riverbend in the boonedocks, USA
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hit in the gut.... again
So I pick up the X from jail last night.... and told him he has to go to H. (recover community) today.... that there is no hanging out and visiting the kids for the week, and nephews. Ok he says. (He was in jail for a 2nd d.u.i. and couldn't get bailed out, so he had to stay till his court date.)
After I pick him up from jail we go by the grocey store, I don't go in, I don't need to. But I do sit in the truck and go threw his books and paperwork that he left with. And here's the kicker... there is a note from a girl... who was in the cell across the way.... I was told they slide a book under the doors, with notes, he never seen her face or actually talked to him. Yet she gave him her phone number and address, and hopes to see him on the other side! I wasn't going to say anything... but you know me... I gotta! So I asked who K.P. was.... he said it's nothing for you to worry about, it was just something to do. Yet this morning I couldn't find the note... yep that's right I was snooping yet again. He says he threw it away cause he knew I'd be looking for it... yet I DID in fact look in the trash and I couldn't find it.
He says that I don't understand that he could have stayed in jail for 15 more days, and the called any of these people... J., the ex girlfriend, R., the recovering crack head in the city, the call girl that lives down below r., or Richie.... who I don't think AXHB know's lives in Colorada!.... I know I know he was just trying to make me feel bad, for as he says "giving him grief"..... he said HE CHOOSE recover... which is a much harder sentence... don't I realize that... I told him he has no other choice but recover.... again.
These are the statement's I got last night that just bring me to my knees.... again GETTING HIT IN THE BALLS! He said to me "What did I ever do to you? I only ever hurt myself, and no one else!" " I don't know why you snoop!? Why do you care?"
I just wish I was someone else just for today!!!!!!!
I'll be taking the hour and half drive with him and the girls tonight, to the recovery community, where he will be staying at ..... please be thinking of me.... It's so hard for me to be around him... when he thinks I just don't care.... if I didn't care, I wouldn't do all I do, I've always hold out hope that he will prove the odd's wrong.... but yet another "silly note" from a girl just show's he failed to prove the odd's again.
He told the girls last night, that he's going to do this again for the girls....... ROFLMAO.
Write back when you have time, please!
My stomach is in knotts... and praying that things will go ok when I get off work, and he'll not give me a hard time.... but I guess I should count on it.... then I'll be suprised... just maybe?!
Thanks,
Kota
:ghug3
After I pick him up from jail we go by the grocey store, I don't go in, I don't need to. But I do sit in the truck and go threw his books and paperwork that he left with. And here's the kicker... there is a note from a girl... who was in the cell across the way.... I was told they slide a book under the doors, with notes, he never seen her face or actually talked to him. Yet she gave him her phone number and address, and hopes to see him on the other side! I wasn't going to say anything... but you know me... I gotta! So I asked who K.P. was.... he said it's nothing for you to worry about, it was just something to do. Yet this morning I couldn't find the note... yep that's right I was snooping yet again. He says he threw it away cause he knew I'd be looking for it... yet I DID in fact look in the trash and I couldn't find it.
He says that I don't understand that he could have stayed in jail for 15 more days, and the called any of these people... J., the ex girlfriend, R., the recovering crack head in the city, the call girl that lives down below r., or Richie.... who I don't think AXHB know's lives in Colorada!.... I know I know he was just trying to make me feel bad, for as he says "giving him grief"..... he said HE CHOOSE recover... which is a much harder sentence... don't I realize that... I told him he has no other choice but recover.... again.
These are the statement's I got last night that just bring me to my knees.... again GETTING HIT IN THE BALLS! He said to me "What did I ever do to you? I only ever hurt myself, and no one else!" " I don't know why you snoop!? Why do you care?"
I just wish I was someone else just for today!!!!!!!
I'll be taking the hour and half drive with him and the girls tonight, to the recovery community, where he will be staying at ..... please be thinking of me.... It's so hard for me to be around him... when he thinks I just don't care.... if I didn't care, I wouldn't do all I do, I've always hold out hope that he will prove the odd's wrong.... but yet another "silly note" from a girl just show's he failed to prove the odd's again.
He told the girls last night, that he's going to do this again for the girls....... ROFLMAO.
Write back when you have time, please!
My stomach is in knotts... and praying that things will go ok when I get off work, and he'll not give me a hard time.... but I guess I should count on it.... then I'll be suprised... just maybe?!
Thanks,
Kota
:ghug3
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I just wish I was someone else just for today!!!!!!!
You are welcome to be me for the day, Kota honey, but with that comes the mantle of B**CH. Yeah, that's right, I've been called that from time to time and when it comes to Alocoholic Quackathons, my B-side starts playing at full volume.
I do have to agree with one question he posed, though, and I know you know which one it is...."Why do your care?"
He has been in jail sitting and stewing and I assume not drinking. So you ought to be fully aware that the alcohol doesn't make him a stinkin' SOB...HE IS ONE. Being sober isn't going to change who he is.
Now, if you're really up for me being today, get your big girl pants on and call the shmuck a cab, say goodbye and good luck and let him go. He's your X for a reason, right? Let your X go to X with X and a few other Xs if he pleases. Live your own life and stay out of his. He'll grow up and grow a pair if he's capable.
Now, that's if you were me for a day...up for it?
Alice
You are welcome to be me for the day, Kota honey, but with that comes the mantle of B**CH. Yeah, that's right, I've been called that from time to time and when it comes to Alocoholic Quackathons, my B-side starts playing at full volume.
I do have to agree with one question he posed, though, and I know you know which one it is...."Why do your care?"
He has been in jail sitting and stewing and I assume not drinking. So you ought to be fully aware that the alcohol doesn't make him a stinkin' SOB...HE IS ONE. Being sober isn't going to change who he is.
Now, if you're really up for me being today, get your big girl pants on and call the shmuck a cab, say goodbye and good luck and let him go. He's your X for a reason, right? Let your X go to X with X and a few other Xs if he pleases. Live your own life and stay out of his. He'll grow up and grow a pair if he's capable.
Now, that's if you were me for a day...up for it?
Alice
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
why did YOU go pick him up? and why are YOU driving him to the recovery center, dragging the girls along to boot? seems the less interaction you have with this man, the better your spirits and mindset are.
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I really don't know why I picked him up, and am taking him? I kept questioning that last night, as I drove to town.
I kept thinking I was stupid.... and anyone else would have NOT gone.
I had said yes maybe why, I care for him, I'm just a kind hearted person and can't say no to people? I really can't give you a good answer WHY I am doing this.
I can tell you that after he is gone tonight.... to recovery... or on hit boots in the sub zero cold... I will not pick him up, or take the girls to see him.
I kept thinking I was stupid.... and anyone else would have NOT gone.
I had said yes maybe why, I care for him, I'm just a kind hearted person and can't say no to people? I really can't give you a good answer WHY I am doing this.
I can tell you that after he is gone tonight.... to recovery... or on hit boots in the sub zero cold... I will not pick him up, or take the girls to see him.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Originally Posted by kotabear
I can tell you that after he is gone tonight.... to recovery... or on hit boots in the sub zero cold... I will not pick him up, or take the girls to see him.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: around the riverbend in the boonedocks, USA
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He will. I know he will. Then I will set yet another boundary. If he wants to see his kid, he needs to pay SOME child support.... and/or send money for them to come his way.
He needs to save his money so he can get back on his feet when leaving rehab... and that doesn't involve me.... that community he will be in can help him up to his feet again... they have many people..... I can't do it anymore.
He needs to save his money so he can get back on his feet when leaving rehab... and that doesn't involve me.... that community he will be in can help him up to his feet again... they have many people..... I can't do it anymore.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
I can't do it anymore
so he's in jail and you find some lover's note? and then you search the trash for it after he has destroyed it?
i've been there and believe me, i'm not going back. i wish the same for you.
you will feel much better if you just let him get on with his getting on and you get on with your own life.
there is this frantic vibe to your post...perhaps time to get off the wheel and focus on yourself?
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Location: Wizard Land Downunder
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Kota, sure you may care about him even tho he is your EX and you can be a kindhearted person, that is fine....BUT.......unless you have been designated as his Guardian Angel....you are not responsible to take care of him in any way.
You put your energy into caring for YOU and your child, (the real baby) and let your EX be your EX, to take care of himself or hit the skids, whichever HE chooses.
He is your EX for many good reasons, and don't forget that you are his EX so you don't need to do what you used to for him.
Strength to you Girl,
God bless
You put your energy into caring for YOU and your child, (the real baby) and let your EX be your EX, to take care of himself or hit the skids, whichever HE chooses.
He is your EX for many good reasons, and don't forget that you are his EX so you don't need to do what you used to for him.
Strength to you Girl,
God bless
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: around the riverbend in the boonedocks, USA
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Last night I got home and he was packing. We went to McDonalds for super on me, and then down to the recovery center. Some of the guys helped him unload the truck... the girls where sleeping so he gave them a kiss and hug, and I a hug, and that was about it.
For the first 30 days there is no contact. The program is 18 months, that is if he doesn't decide to leave early. If he does, it won't be me picking him up.... I did that last time.
He asked, and made me promise to bring the girls to see him, when the weather got better...... I knodded my head.... but I won't be taking them down as much as I did the last time and there will be certain stipulations (spelling?) like sending child support of some about each month, cause I'm not taking them down on my own expense this time. I will also not be hanging out with him and the kids while we are down there, which I don't know how to do yet, cause you have to drive to do anything down there, and he won't have a car. I keep thinking of someone that could take the kids... but none of his family will, and I'm not asking that of my family.
it's hard. to love and care for someone, and miss the good in them.... but knowing that being with them, can never be again.
have a good day and take care,
Kota
It is hard. I know we just can't live together, our attitudes are just to different. But that doesn't mean I don't still love and miss him. Guess you could say it's bitter sweet?!
Well back to normal life, work, home, and kiddos!
Have a good day, and take care,
Kota
For the first 30 days there is no contact. The program is 18 months, that is if he doesn't decide to leave early. If he does, it won't be me picking him up.... I did that last time.
He asked, and made me promise to bring the girls to see him, when the weather got better...... I knodded my head.... but I won't be taking them down as much as I did the last time and there will be certain stipulations (spelling?) like sending child support of some about each month, cause I'm not taking them down on my own expense this time. I will also not be hanging out with him and the kids while we are down there, which I don't know how to do yet, cause you have to drive to do anything down there, and he won't have a car. I keep thinking of someone that could take the kids... but none of his family will, and I'm not asking that of my family.
it's hard. to love and care for someone, and miss the good in them.... but knowing that being with them, can never be again.
have a good day and take care,
Kota
It is hard. I know we just can't live together, our attitudes are just to different. But that doesn't mean I don't still love and miss him. Guess you could say it's bitter sweet?!
Well back to normal life, work, home, and kiddos!
Have a good day, and take care,
Kota
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