Trapped
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Niles, Oh
Posts: 3
Trapped
Hi,
I feel pretty weird doing this. I’ve been quiet and reserved for so long about my problems I’m almost terrified to go any farther, but I’ve realized I can’t just keep bottling up. I need to talk to someone, but no one around me will listen or I can’t tell them. I’m 18 soon to be 19 in March and don’t want a future where I am. I’m not sure how I found this forum exactly and at first was skeptical it was right for me. I don’t belong here; I thought that, because I’m not an alcoholic. In fact I don’t drink and never have, excessively anyway. I’m too horrified to touch the stuff after watching my parents. They are both heavy alcoholics and they divorced three years ago. My dad left my mom after he hooked up with his high school sweetheart, not that it was a huge blow to me. My mom and brother were devastated, but I knew it was best. I’ve never been very close with either of my parents. I decided to go with my mom only because at the time I thought it was the lesser of two evils, and I didn’t want to move to a new state with no one. My dad is not just a heavy drinker, but a drug addict as well. My earliest memories are my mother waking up and cracking open a beer. There’s never been a day that hers didn’t start out as such. Two twelve packs a day for over 22 years.
Three years after the divorce I’ve met more of my family from her side and they’ve helped us a lot, but only because she tells them she doesn’t drink anymore. If they knew they’d probably go their own way. My aunts know but they don’t say anything to anyone else. Like last November we went to Macy’s for the parade. Sounds like fun right? Well I was utterly humiliated in front of my aunts. She snuck alcohol onto the buss in her purse and not only yelled at me in front of everyone, but was too drunk to even walk when we got there. I was so embarrassed and nearly cried when my aunt hugged me and said “I feel for you sweety, but you can’t help people like that.” My mom refuses to admit she has a problem and fights with me whenever I bring it up.
After so long I’ve learned to ignore it most of the time, but when she starts in on me I get so angry I just feel like calling everyone and tell them what she’s doing, but then the family will abandon her and I’d be responsible. I can’t tell my friends. They have real families and I’m just too embarrassed.
Just last night we got in a fight over the dog I want. She told me a month ago that I could have one and she even signed for a new apartment that we are moving into later this month just so I could get one and so she can build credit, but last night she started yelling and telling me I’m not getting one. She doesn’t want to waste money on a dog. See she was a nurse but now she’s on disability and gets a fair amount a month, but still I think it’s a bit hypocritical of her. I can’t have a dog but she can buy a two twelve packs a day. Normally 6 dollars a piece and at 30 days that’s $360. So imagine a full year. That’s a bigger waste of money, but I understand she doesn’t see it that way. I guess I just feel disappointed and a little betrayed right now. I mean she yells at me saying it always has to be my way and then has to go on and on about how my dad din’t care about me and tossed me to the curb for his new wife that she refers to with rather vulgar terms. I’m so tired of being the person she goes off on. I’m tired of never saying anything and I’m tired of watching her drink her life away. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t move out. I don’t have a car or a job since I’m still in school. I can’t get away. I’m trapped.
I feel pretty weird doing this. I’ve been quiet and reserved for so long about my problems I’m almost terrified to go any farther, but I’ve realized I can’t just keep bottling up. I need to talk to someone, but no one around me will listen or I can’t tell them. I’m 18 soon to be 19 in March and don’t want a future where I am. I’m not sure how I found this forum exactly and at first was skeptical it was right for me. I don’t belong here; I thought that, because I’m not an alcoholic. In fact I don’t drink and never have, excessively anyway. I’m too horrified to touch the stuff after watching my parents. They are both heavy alcoholics and they divorced three years ago. My dad left my mom after he hooked up with his high school sweetheart, not that it was a huge blow to me. My mom and brother were devastated, but I knew it was best. I’ve never been very close with either of my parents. I decided to go with my mom only because at the time I thought it was the lesser of two evils, and I didn’t want to move to a new state with no one. My dad is not just a heavy drinker, but a drug addict as well. My earliest memories are my mother waking up and cracking open a beer. There’s never been a day that hers didn’t start out as such. Two twelve packs a day for over 22 years.
Three years after the divorce I’ve met more of my family from her side and they’ve helped us a lot, but only because she tells them she doesn’t drink anymore. If they knew they’d probably go their own way. My aunts know but they don’t say anything to anyone else. Like last November we went to Macy’s for the parade. Sounds like fun right? Well I was utterly humiliated in front of my aunts. She snuck alcohol onto the buss in her purse and not only yelled at me in front of everyone, but was too drunk to even walk when we got there. I was so embarrassed and nearly cried when my aunt hugged me and said “I feel for you sweety, but you can’t help people like that.” My mom refuses to admit she has a problem and fights with me whenever I bring it up.
After so long I’ve learned to ignore it most of the time, but when she starts in on me I get so angry I just feel like calling everyone and tell them what she’s doing, but then the family will abandon her and I’d be responsible. I can’t tell my friends. They have real families and I’m just too embarrassed.
Just last night we got in a fight over the dog I want. She told me a month ago that I could have one and she even signed for a new apartment that we are moving into later this month just so I could get one and so she can build credit, but last night she started yelling and telling me I’m not getting one. She doesn’t want to waste money on a dog. See she was a nurse but now she’s on disability and gets a fair amount a month, but still I think it’s a bit hypocritical of her. I can’t have a dog but she can buy a two twelve packs a day. Normally 6 dollars a piece and at 30 days that’s $360. So imagine a full year. That’s a bigger waste of money, but I understand she doesn’t see it that way. I guess I just feel disappointed and a little betrayed right now. I mean she yells at me saying it always has to be my way and then has to go on and on about how my dad din’t care about me and tossed me to the curb for his new wife that she refers to with rather vulgar terms. I’m so tired of being the person she goes off on. I’m tired of never saying anything and I’m tired of watching her drink her life away. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t move out. I don’t have a car or a job since I’m still in school. I can’t get away. I’m trapped.
miyah
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 70
Hi Snowy,
I feel for you. And you right, it does not go away.
I grew up in a similar family.
I am fairly new here and have found much wonderful advice and support. You will as well.
There are amazing thoughtful people here.
I feel for you. And you right, it does not go away.
I grew up in a similar family.
I am fairly new here and have found much wonderful advice and support. You will as well.
There are amazing thoughtful people here.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Hiya Snowy!
Welcome to SR - glad you found this place!
Boy I really feel for you, my dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up and I really couldn't wait to get the he** out of my family's house when I was old enough.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t move out. I don’t have a car or a job since I’m still in school. I can’t get away. I’m trapped
You may be stuck in this dependent situation right now because of your youth - but always remember you are completely free in your mind! When I feel trapped or stuck it has always helped me to make a little plan - a little map/blueprint for how I can change my situation. It may not move as fast or "magically" as I wish - but every time I have followed my plans step-by-step, my life has changed for the better!
AlAnon also really REALLY helped me get my head around the alcoholism in my family. I knew I was warped but I had no clue how to unravel all the damage from my childhood until I started going to AlAnon (it's free!).
One day at a time Snowy, and a little plan - even if you can only take baby steps toward freedom - you will still get there - baby steps still take you where you want to go!
peace-
b.
Welcome to SR - glad you found this place!
Boy I really feel for you, my dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up and I really couldn't wait to get the he** out of my family's house when I was old enough.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t move out. I don’t have a car or a job since I’m still in school. I can’t get away. I’m trapped
You may be stuck in this dependent situation right now because of your youth - but always remember you are completely free in your mind! When I feel trapped or stuck it has always helped me to make a little plan - a little map/blueprint for how I can change my situation. It may not move as fast or "magically" as I wish - but every time I have followed my plans step-by-step, my life has changed for the better!
AlAnon also really REALLY helped me get my head around the alcoholism in my family. I knew I was warped but I had no clue how to unravel all the damage from my childhood until I started going to AlAnon (it's free!).
One day at a time Snowy, and a little plan - even if you can only take baby steps toward freedom - you will still get there - baby steps still take you where you want to go!
peace-
b.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to our family Snowy!
I'm glad you are here. You will find support and information here.
I'm sorry that your parents are both active in their addictions. I'm sorry that you are not getting the support and respect you deserve.
Remember this about another's addiction:
the 3 C's:
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You won't cure it
Please make yourself at home here at SR by reading and posting as much as needed. (((hugs)))
I'm glad you are here. You will find support and information here.
I'm sorry that your parents are both active in their addictions. I'm sorry that you are not getting the support and respect you deserve.
Remember this about another's addiction:
the 3 C's:
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You won't cure it
Please make yourself at home here at SR by reading and posting as much as needed. (((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Hey, Snowy.
That's suck and suckage and I'm sorry you have to go through that.
There is a highlight.
This will not last forever.
You sound like you have your head on straight considering the hard stuff you have had to deal with.
So...start making a plan.
Getting away? How? Can you start a part time job and start putting away money for when you graduate? If not now, when can you start working? After you graduate? Okay. Start thinking about where you could work.
Getting a dog? When? Put away money so you can get one in the future or when you move. Maybe look for places that take dogs so you can be ready.
As crummy as it is, your mom and dad are your mom and dad and you can't make them shape up. You CAN put your life on the right track, though.
This is the exact right place for you to be. We'll listen and encourage.
Stick around.
Hugs,
Wife
That's suck and suckage and I'm sorry you have to go through that.
There is a highlight.
This will not last forever.
You sound like you have your head on straight considering the hard stuff you have had to deal with.
So...start making a plan.
Getting away? How? Can you start a part time job and start putting away money for when you graduate? If not now, when can you start working? After you graduate? Okay. Start thinking about where you could work.
Getting a dog? When? Put away money so you can get one in the future or when you move. Maybe look for places that take dogs so you can be ready.
As crummy as it is, your mom and dad are your mom and dad and you can't make them shape up. You CAN put your life on the right track, though.
This is the exact right place for you to be. We'll listen and encourage.
Stick around.
Hugs,
Wife
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Hi snowy!
Do you know if there are counselors available in your school?
There are Alanon online meetings:
Al-Anon Chat Meetings -- Online Al-Anon Family Groups Chat Meetings
I am sorry your mom broke her promises, just remember this is all temporary and one day you will have your own place and will be able to get a pet if you wish...
None of what they do has to do with you AT ALL. It is possible to feel better even in the midst of chaos with the help of SR, alanon, good reading like the Classic reading on top of the forum...
Hugs!
Do you know if there are counselors available in your school?
There are Alanon online meetings:
Al-Anon Chat Meetings -- Online Al-Anon Family Groups Chat Meetings
I am sorry your mom broke her promises, just remember this is all temporary and one day you will have your own place and will be able to get a pet if you wish...
None of what they do has to do with you AT ALL. It is possible to feel better even in the midst of chaos with the help of SR, alanon, good reading like the Classic reading on top of the forum...
Hugs!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Snowy)))))
Please talk with your counselor at school and ask them if there are any ALATEEN meetings at the school or near by. There you will get the support you need, and will find your peers that are going through similar things that you are, (other kids don't have 'perfect' families either, even though from the outside it may look like they do) that can help you 'to deal' with the situation until you finish school and can get out.
Alateen has been very beneficial for many teens! If there are no Alateen meetings, then by all means try Al-Anon, heck you can go to both!
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Please talk with your counselor at school and ask them if there are any ALATEEN meetings at the school or near by. There you will get the support you need, and will find your peers that are going through similar things that you are, (other kids don't have 'perfect' families either, even though from the outside it may look like they do) that can help you 'to deal' with the situation until you finish school and can get out.
Alateen has been very beneficial for many teens! If there are no Alateen meetings, then by all means try Al-Anon, heck you can go to both!
Please keep posting and let us know how YOU are doing, we do care very much.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.
Posts: 402
Hi SnowyAmaterasu, welcome to SR!
Nthing others - make a plan! Make a plan! Make a plan! Whether it be to get a viable job, do a college program, etc. I recommend education because for families like ours, education is often the only way out. It was what got me and my sister out from an authoritarian alcoholic father who believed women stayed in the home.
We also suffered through broken promises. This also got better once we got out because we didn't have to rely on them anymore. Financial independence was key to this.
Also, check out the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum next door
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There's less traffic there, but many many postings with stories that you may relate to.
Nthing others - make a plan! Make a plan! Make a plan! Whether it be to get a viable job, do a college program, etc. I recommend education because for families like ours, education is often the only way out. It was what got me and my sister out from an authoritarian alcoholic father who believed women stayed in the home.
We also suffered through broken promises. This also got better once we got out because we didn't have to rely on them anymore. Financial independence was key to this.
Also, check out the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum next door
Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
There's less traffic there, but many many postings with stories that you may relate to.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Hugs to Snowy - we are SO glad you're here. Keep coming back and keep posting. It's free and the people here are full of wisdom without judgement. I echo things already said. You are intelligent, thoughtful, and want what's best, and you're reaching out for help. We're here for you. More hugs!
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
hi snowy and welcome!
I hope you'll make good friends here -
it's a great place to be.
I hope you'll keep posting
and get some of this out.
This is a great place to vent.
I hope you'll make good friends here -
it's a great place to be.
I hope you'll keep posting
and get some of this out.
This is a great place to vent.
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