Taking.Care.of.You.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Taking.Care.of.You.
Kittyboo wrote on a thread this evening and it got me thinking. Thanks K- see what you've done. LOL.
Anyway, she was passing on the sage wisdom of putting the energy that we spend worrying over our addicts' feeling into ourselves instead. It made me think that this is but a part of those bright little words "Take Care of You" that fill more than a chapter in the great book that is recovery.
On another great thread I wrote about my New Year resolution and how I intend to banish all the demeaning and diminishing internal dialogue from my thoughts. You know, the thoughts that I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, etc. etc. etc that I have probably been having since I could form an actual brainwave. Well, this is the year I want to kick them out of the space they've been renting in my head permanently!
Now, I'm thinking this feels like the birth of a new thread to open some discussion on the vital practice of self care. We spend so much time on what we should do for everyone else in our lives, lets get back to what we should do for ourselves. I'll start it off.
TAKING CARE OF ME MEANS I...
Alice: banish the demeaning and diminishing internal dialogue keeping me from my true potential. Stop the brow beating, Alice!
Now you...
Anyway, she was passing on the sage wisdom of putting the energy that we spend worrying over our addicts' feeling into ourselves instead. It made me think that this is but a part of those bright little words "Take Care of You" that fill more than a chapter in the great book that is recovery.
On another great thread I wrote about my New Year resolution and how I intend to banish all the demeaning and diminishing internal dialogue from my thoughts. You know, the thoughts that I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, etc. etc. etc that I have probably been having since I could form an actual brainwave. Well, this is the year I want to kick them out of the space they've been renting in my head permanently!
Now, I'm thinking this feels like the birth of a new thread to open some discussion on the vital practice of self care. We spend so much time on what we should do for everyone else in our lives, lets get back to what we should do for ourselves. I'll start it off.
TAKING CARE OF ME MEANS I...
Alice: banish the demeaning and diminishing internal dialogue keeping me from my true potential. Stop the brow beating, Alice!
Now you...
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
taking care of me means:
sticking to my boundaries, which are:
1. no further discussion of xABF
2. separation from ALL of his friends and family
3. i do not have to tolerate a drunk! any drunk.
4. daily meditation
5. work my body, everyday
6. eat healthy
7. daily reading of something that inspires me.
8. get rid of the other toxic people in my life who use me
9. continue in therapy
10. get tested for stds
11. daily rehabilitate my broken shoulder through gentle yoga
sticking to my boundaries, which are:
1. no further discussion of xABF
2. separation from ALL of his friends and family
3. i do not have to tolerate a drunk! any drunk.
4. daily meditation
5. work my body, everyday
6. eat healthy
7. daily reading of something that inspires me.
8. get rid of the other toxic people in my life who use me
9. continue in therapy
10. get tested for stds
11. daily rehabilitate my broken shoulder through gentle yoga
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 594
Taking care of me means:
1. Stop thinking of ways to "help" others, and spend that energy on helping me.
2. Do things that will make me happier: go to the gym, eat healthier, etc
3. Learn something new that is lots of fun
4. Stop spending time with toxic people
5. Seek out friends that have a lot of positive things going on in their lives and who are motivated, and especially, friends that don't need me to fix anything for them, that will just want to enjoy my company.
6. Get really organized (paperwork, projects, etc)
7. Focus on achieving my goals.
8. Really really try not to spend so much time worrying about my xabf. I think if I get busy with 1 - 7, I'll be too busy to worry.
1. Stop thinking of ways to "help" others, and spend that energy on helping me.
2. Do things that will make me happier: go to the gym, eat healthier, etc
3. Learn something new that is lots of fun
4. Stop spending time with toxic people
5. Seek out friends that have a lot of positive things going on in their lives and who are motivated, and especially, friends that don't need me to fix anything for them, that will just want to enjoy my company.
6. Get really organized (paperwork, projects, etc)
7. Focus on achieving my goals.
8. Really really try not to spend so much time worrying about my xabf. I think if I get busy with 1 - 7, I'll be too busy to worry.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
Great thread Alice!
I too need to stop beating myself up and banish the 'shoulds' from my internal dialogue.
I need to start looking after the basics - healthy eating and a little excersie won't kill me!
I also need to make sure I spend time on my recovery. I find it so easy to let it slip. I can't remember the last time I read a recovery book though I have started journalling a bit more. I may well end up back at AlAnon!
Oooh and then there are the big questions - what do I want to do with my life? Who do I want to be? Who am I right now? Right now I'm just...drifting....
I too need to stop beating myself up and banish the 'shoulds' from my internal dialogue.
I need to start looking after the basics - healthy eating and a little excersie won't kill me!
I also need to make sure I spend time on my recovery. I find it so easy to let it slip. I can't remember the last time I read a recovery book though I have started journalling a bit more. I may well end up back at AlAnon!
Oooh and then there are the big questions - what do I want to do with my life? Who do I want to be? Who am I right now? Right now I'm just...drifting....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 65
This is a SUPER thread...You know, I've resisted the whole New Year Resolution thing because my life is so "ethereal" right now. But, taking care of me - well that means:
1 - Create / Manifest the work / $$ needed to support myself without STBXAH [oh my that is the first time I referred to him as STBX! That felt very good!]
2 - Break free from him, move away/kick him out
3 - Slowly start making some friends with common interests instead of hiding in my cave in shame and fear
4 - Get more exercise, mentally and physically...unstuck
5 - Find ways to reconnect with Nature - which always fed my heart and soul.
THANK YOU EVERYONE...I am happy now...I am so glad I found this place and all of you.
1 - Create / Manifest the work / $$ needed to support myself without STBXAH [oh my that is the first time I referred to him as STBX! That felt very good!]
2 - Break free from him, move away/kick him out
3 - Slowly start making some friends with common interests instead of hiding in my cave in shame and fear
4 - Get more exercise, mentally and physically...unstuck
5 - Find ways to reconnect with Nature - which always fed my heart and soul.
THANK YOU EVERYONE...I am happy now...I am so glad I found this place and all of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 65
I want to add...NOT BE SO TOXIC myself and learn to identify other toxic people sooner [so I don't get any on me]
I realize that being embroiled in this relationship has caused me to become quite toxic too...I want so to undo that...that is big for me. Thanks again. D
I realize that being embroiled in this relationship has caused me to become quite toxic too...I want so to undo that...that is big for me. Thanks again. D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
[oh my that is the first time I referred to him as STBX!
Pray4joy, the first time I referred to my XABF as my X without muttering it or looking over my shoulder to see if he was near was the day I started standing just a little bit taller.
The more you say it, the more you believe it, and the more you'll be able to see it through!!
Pray4joy, the first time I referred to my XABF as my X without muttering it or looking over my shoulder to see if he was near was the day I started standing just a little bit taller.
The more you say it, the more you believe it, and the more you'll be able to see it through!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Alice, first of all I couldnt' be more flattered that something I said I got you thinking!
Goodness, I share so many items on all of your Taking Care of You lists!
Especially:
-being aware of my internal dialogue. I went to bed thinking the mantra "there is nothing I can't handle"
- being around toxic people and becoming toxic myself....definitely. I want to be more cautious of who I let in to my life.
-work on myself spiritually and learn to trust the direction I am being lead.
-STOP forcing things to try to happen, STOP trying to get a reaction, and STOP having expectations of people. I allow myself to get hurt to easily because of my expectations.
-Start appreciating the good people in my life, and stop focusing on the not so good.
-Start appreciating the things I am fortunate to have. It could always be worse!
I'm sure there are more to my list, but this is what came to mind first.
Happy NEW year!
Goodness, I share so many items on all of your Taking Care of You lists!
Especially:
-being aware of my internal dialogue. I went to bed thinking the mantra "there is nothing I can't handle"
- being around toxic people and becoming toxic myself....definitely. I want to be more cautious of who I let in to my life.
-work on myself spiritually and learn to trust the direction I am being lead.
-STOP forcing things to try to happen, STOP trying to get a reaction, and STOP having expectations of people. I allow myself to get hurt to easily because of my expectations.
-Start appreciating the good people in my life, and stop focusing on the not so good.
-Start appreciating the things I am fortunate to have. It could always be worse!
I'm sure there are more to my list, but this is what came to mind first.
Happy NEW year!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Taking care of me means...
1. regular exercise - xc skiing, walking dog, yoga, whatever!
2. regular meditation
3. continue my renewed passion for tile mosaic - complete some projects for 2010!
4. continue my renewed passion for knitting - complete some projects in 2010!
5. let what IS be what it is. Allow. Have ease and peace with whatever is.
6. Discover a great job with great pay that has insurance and get hired in it!
7. Play. Appreciate life. Not take anything so seriously. Enjoy this life.
8. Go to therapy and work on myself - look deeply. Make space for my humanness and grow to be a more grounded, at peace, happy, at ease person, letting go of the past and moving confidently toward the future.
9. relearn guitar and SING again!
10. Spend time with friends and family that love and support me and ask questions that make me think and grow.
11. Continue to journal and connect with my feelings.
1. regular exercise - xc skiing, walking dog, yoga, whatever!
2. regular meditation
3. continue my renewed passion for tile mosaic - complete some projects for 2010!
4. continue my renewed passion for knitting - complete some projects in 2010!
5. let what IS be what it is. Allow. Have ease and peace with whatever is.
6. Discover a great job with great pay that has insurance and get hired in it!
7. Play. Appreciate life. Not take anything so seriously. Enjoy this life.
8. Go to therapy and work on myself - look deeply. Make space for my humanness and grow to be a more grounded, at peace, happy, at ease person, letting go of the past and moving confidently toward the future.
9. relearn guitar and SING again!
10. Spend time with friends and family that love and support me and ask questions that make me think and grow.
11. Continue to journal and connect with my feelings.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
To take care of me: I am going to accept and be realistic about my limitations-- that means not automatically thinking, "OK I can do that!" without carefully considering the time and effort involved for any kind of job I take on.
I'm going to ask for help when I need it without feeling guilty.
I'm going to act on the assumption that I do deserve a better life instead of that I don't. I won't let some half baked idea of duty and responsibility keep me permanently in a place I hate.
Happy New Year!
I'm going to ask for help when I need it without feeling guilty.
I'm going to act on the assumption that I do deserve a better life instead of that I don't. I won't let some half baked idea of duty and responsibility keep me permanently in a place I hate.
Happy New Year!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I need to keep my list very, very simple so that I do not become discouraged with myself, feel guilt and shame about it and etc.
I am going to practice paying attention to my feelings and thoughts without diminishing them, rationalizing them. I want to accept them, know that it is okay to have my feelings and gain the courage to share them with my intimate partner, and to accept and believe that they want and love this from me.
The easiest way for me to do this is still to write them in my journal and then let him read it.
His understanding, support, care and concern with my thoughts and feelings are very nurturing. I have never had that really from someone, so this is a wonderful experience for me and allows me some real growth in an area I have been stunted in.
I have shared before with people who have later misused my trust, but my trust has been affirmed now, and that is very good for me in learning to fully affirm my thoughts and feelings, to own them, accept them, be okay with them and then deal with them better.
I am going to practice paying attention to my feelings and thoughts without diminishing them, rationalizing them. I want to accept them, know that it is okay to have my feelings and gain the courage to share them with my intimate partner, and to accept and believe that they want and love this from me.
The easiest way for me to do this is still to write them in my journal and then let him read it.
His understanding, support, care and concern with my thoughts and feelings are very nurturing. I have never had that really from someone, so this is a wonderful experience for me and allows me some real growth in an area I have been stunted in.
I have shared before with people who have later misused my trust, but my trust has been affirmed now, and that is very good for me in learning to fully affirm my thoughts and feelings, to own them, accept them, be okay with them and then deal with them better.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
I will not speak ill of others and continue to accept what is.
I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
I am going to have an amazing love affair with my husband this yr.
Limit sugar and TV.
I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
I am going to have an amazing love affair with my husband this yr.
Limit sugar and TV.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
This is a great response to the topic!!
So many different ways of taking care of ourselves and everyone of them positive. Some are habit changes and some are more ethereal involving changing our energy for the better.
I'm so excited now to get started for 2010 and give me the attention I have been craving for so long.
Thank you for all that you've shared so far!!
I'm dying for more.....anyone want to add theirs????
Alice
So many different ways of taking care of ourselves and everyone of them positive. Some are habit changes and some are more ethereal involving changing our energy for the better.
I'm so excited now to get started for 2010 and give me the attention I have been craving for so long.
Thank you for all that you've shared so far!!
I'm dying for more.....anyone want to add theirs????
Alice
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
1. Learn how to NOT be taken advantage of, particularly during my pending divorce.
2. Started going to church the last two weeks... keep going on a regular basis.
3. Keep searching for a DV/alcohol/Christian counselor that works for me until I find her.
4. Along with #3 - grow, heal, learn how to choose healthy relationships.
That's enough for now. I'm with Live... don't want to put too much down and then beat myself up for not attaining. Those 4 are key this year.
2. Started going to church the last two weeks... keep going on a regular basis.
3. Keep searching for a DV/alcohol/Christian counselor that works for me until I find her.
4. Along with #3 - grow, heal, learn how to choose healthy relationships.
That's enough for now. I'm with Live... don't want to put too much down and then beat myself up for not attaining. Those 4 are key this year.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Nice thread.
Taking care of me means...
1. Getting my separation and divorce finalized, so I can finally feel like I'm moving on.
2. Keep working the steps and working on NOT being affected by XAH's hissy fits.
3. Signing up for one tango lesson a week and going without feeling guilty for leaving DD with my parents.
4. Start listening to music I like again, after spending years listening to what *he* liked and watching what *he* wanted.
5. Sing out loud while listening to said music. Wiggle my booty in the subway and not give a damn who sees or judges.
6. Flirt with someone occasionally, just for fun.
7. Watch my need to please people in my interactions and try day by day to stand up for myself.
8. Watch out for crazymakers in my life and stay far far away from them.
9. Try to rest and remember that my recovery is a process that doesn't need to go FAST or to happen NOW.
Taking care of me means...
1. Getting my separation and divorce finalized, so I can finally feel like I'm moving on.
2. Keep working the steps and working on NOT being affected by XAH's hissy fits.
3. Signing up for one tango lesson a week and going without feeling guilty for leaving DD with my parents.
4. Start listening to music I like again, after spending years listening to what *he* liked and watching what *he* wanted.
5. Sing out loud while listening to said music. Wiggle my booty in the subway and not give a damn who sees or judges.
6. Flirt with someone occasionally, just for fun.
7. Watch my need to please people in my interactions and try day by day to stand up for myself.
8. Watch out for crazymakers in my life and stay far far away from them.
9. Try to rest and remember that my recovery is a process that doesn't need to go FAST or to happen NOW.
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