Tried and failed...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 93
Tried and failed...
Happy New Year everyone!
So, after the usual holiday drama and frustrations, I finally got up the nerve to serve my AH the divorce papers. I asked yesterday morning, one final time if we were going to sit down and talk about 2010 and what we will or will not do. Related to the drinking as well as if he did go to treatment additional marriage counseling. He said he wasn't in the mood to talk. Same story.
I called my attorney and set it up. There is a mutual friend of mine and my AH who has been working for him. He gave me the address and told me that AH would be there at 1:00 and I set up the delivery. Between them going to lunch and other errands, the first attempt didn't work because they weren't there. They were supposed to be back again at 3:00 so I sent another courrier and again, no luck. I'm so frustrated that I finally got up the nerve and then nothing. It would have worked 'perfectly' because the friend was going to help talk to him if he got upset and then call me to tell me if I would have needed to leave the house.
Did any of you have to try multiple times to serve your spouse and if so...did you find it easier the next time because you had already gone through the waiting game?
Now, of course offices are closed today so that means waiting until next week. Either this weekend will go well and he'll be so nice I'll lose my umph again or [hopefully] he'll keep reminding me in the next 3 days why I'm doing what I'm doing. Seriously, did i really just write that I hope he makes my life miserable this weekend? That's just wrong.
So, after the usual holiday drama and frustrations, I finally got up the nerve to serve my AH the divorce papers. I asked yesterday morning, one final time if we were going to sit down and talk about 2010 and what we will or will not do. Related to the drinking as well as if he did go to treatment additional marriage counseling. He said he wasn't in the mood to talk. Same story.
I called my attorney and set it up. There is a mutual friend of mine and my AH who has been working for him. He gave me the address and told me that AH would be there at 1:00 and I set up the delivery. Between them going to lunch and other errands, the first attempt didn't work because they weren't there. They were supposed to be back again at 3:00 so I sent another courrier and again, no luck. I'm so frustrated that I finally got up the nerve and then nothing. It would have worked 'perfectly' because the friend was going to help talk to him if he got upset and then call me to tell me if I would have needed to leave the house.
Did any of you have to try multiple times to serve your spouse and if so...did you find it easier the next time because you had already gone through the waiting game?
Now, of course offices are closed today so that means waiting until next week. Either this weekend will go well and he'll be so nice I'll lose my umph again or [hopefully] he'll keep reminding me in the next 3 days why I'm doing what I'm doing. Seriously, did i really just write that I hope he makes my life miserable this weekend? That's just wrong.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Once I made my decision to file for divorce, many things started to fall into place. I was sad, yes, and I grieved the loss of the dream of my "happily ever after." But, I also realized that I had begun to grieve the loss of that dream a long time before I made the decision to leave the marriage. My decision to file was the culmination of a lot of self help and self discovery. I wanted a better life for myself, and I came to the sad conclusion that my life would be better and healthier if I was no longer in the toxic relationship formerly known as my marriage. It helped me to remember that HE wasn't bad, nor was I a bad person... WE were just toxic and it was the relationship that had failed.
It took time, yes, and there were a few mishaps along the way. My counselor knew of my plans, and it was suggested that I have a plan in place in case my H became despondent and perhaps violent... sensing the changes in me and my demeanor. Again, I felt better and stronger for having the plan in place, regardless of whether I needed to implement it or not. It was something positive and nurturing that I could do for myself. I deserved it.
It's sad but understandable that you would want himto "make your life miserable this weekend..." confirmation that you're doing the right thing. I had kept some journals, and I referered back to them when I started to second guess my decisions.
Hang in there. There is light and a beautiful life on the other side.
It took time, yes, and there were a few mishaps along the way. My counselor knew of my plans, and it was suggested that I have a plan in place in case my H became despondent and perhaps violent... sensing the changes in me and my demeanor. Again, I felt better and stronger for having the plan in place, regardless of whether I needed to implement it or not. It was something positive and nurturing that I could do for myself. I deserved it.
It's sad but understandable that you would want himto "make your life miserable this weekend..." confirmation that you're doing the right thing. I had kept some journals, and I referered back to them when I started to second guess my decisions.
Hang in there. There is light and a beautiful life on the other side.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
I had a friend serve him. One of my friends. I had warned him, though and we talked about it.
If this friend is helpful, just reschedule for next week. Don't give up or be discouraged. Patience is a learned virtue and you're getting lots of practice.
If this friend is helpful, just reschedule for next week. Don't give up or be discouraged. Patience is a learned virtue and you're getting lots of practice.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
The day my XAH was served with divorce papers, he was also served with restraining order papers (double whammie for him). I had the sheriffs dept serve the restraining order papers here at home, before he went to work at 4PM.
They said they'd call me when he'd been served. I was on pins and needles the entire day, trying to keep my mind on my work - it was hell. They called me shortly after 5, right as I was leaving the office. Up to that point, I didn't know if I could go home, or if I'd have to stay in a motel - but once they called, home is where I could go.
AH went to work with his restraining order papers in his possession, and it wasn't but an hour later - the divorce papers were presented to him. Ha. Gotta love the timing on those two deals!
I felt a wee bit sad, but only a wee bit... I quickly reminded myself of how much suffering I'd gone through, and of all the horrible things he'd said and done.
The double whammie still makes me smile.
They said they'd call me when he'd been served. I was on pins and needles the entire day, trying to keep my mind on my work - it was hell. They called me shortly after 5, right as I was leaving the office. Up to that point, I didn't know if I could go home, or if I'd have to stay in a motel - but once they called, home is where I could go.
AH went to work with his restraining order papers in his possession, and it wasn't but an hour later - the divorce papers were presented to him. Ha. Gotta love the timing on those two deals!
I felt a wee bit sad, but only a wee bit... I quickly reminded myself of how much suffering I'd gone through, and of all the horrible things he'd said and done.
The double whammie still makes me smile.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
