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The Importance of Fun

Old 12-29-2009, 10:47 AM
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The Importance of Fun

Yep, good ol' fashioned fun! I've been working on "getting over" my xabf. I've realized how important it is not to sit around THINKING for too long. Thinking is good, yes. Being self-aware is also very important. But I think that limiting the amount of time I spend each day on mulling, pondering, and musing is key.

I realized that it's really important to go out and do something that is just plain fun. I've been taking lessons lately doing a sport that is tooootally out of my comfort zone. It makes me feel just nervous enough that I'm completely focused on the task at hand AND it's FUN!!!

My two cents? If YOU'RE having a tough time, aside from getting comfort and wisdom from this awesome forum, try to remember that life is short and you should go out and have yourself a little fun!
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Old 12-29-2009, 11:07 AM
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great post. I think the one thing that we forget because of our experiences living with an alcoholic is how to have fun again.

I too am discovering how nice it is to just have fun. I can enjoy going to a friends house without a falling down drunk, I can enjoy holidays again without a falling down drunk, I can enjoy movies without being with somebody who is drunk and on and on.

I am slowly learning to have fun again and I am now realizing just how miserable I USED to be. Now I see the world differently and it can be a fun place!
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Old 12-29-2009, 11:57 AM
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Oh my gosh - I so agree! And what is sad to me is that my stbxAH was right - I wasn't any fun. In my mind it was because *someone* had to be the grown-up (and to an extent, it was true), but I was so unhappy and tense and miserable and no fun at all for my kids.

Now, without him in the picture, I am free to be silly and funny and FUN! Because my version of fun doesn't involve jokes at somebody else's expense or drinking til I pass out. It doesn't involve hostility or arguing.

Life is so good, and I am actively doing things with my kids - including horseback riding lessons - that I never would have done before. It helps so much!
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:02 PM
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Riding horses is SO fun! Horses are so special and very healing. I've been riding "since before I was born." I'm always so excited to hear when people spend time with horses. FUN!!!
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by KeepPedaling View Post
Riding horses is SO fun! Horses are so special and very healing. I've been riding "since before I was born." I'm always so excited to hear when people spend time with horses. FUN!!!
I rode as a child, and young teen, and had a quarter horse for about 5 years, but I'm embarrassed to say that I let my interest in boys get in the way of that.

I started my 7 year old daughter in lessons because I do believe that caring for and riding horses is good for the soul. And we are all struggling with this divorce. But then my 8 year old son wanted to ride, and I decided that I wanted to ride while they had their lesson, so...here we go! I have to say that I am thrilled to rediscover this joy. Equine therapy indeed!
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:09 PM
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Before alanon, I was so affected by this disease that had you asked me what would make me happy, I would have told you what I thought you wanted to hear. In reality, I didn't know what I wanted or what would make me happy.

After years in alanon, I have learned what makes me happy and what makes me unhappy.

My happiness is now from the simple things. Holding my son in my lap. Playing music. A really good cup of coffee. Taking a walk. I used to think that happiness had to cost a lot of money. It doesn't.

I now have a very low tolerance for things that I don't like. This mainly has to do with liars and people who are affected by this disease who refuse to at least try to get better. I avoid other people's choas.

Great topic. Thanks!
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Old 12-29-2009, 03:37 PM
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This is all so true.
And Husband, I couldn't agree more that happiness is free. Although, I would say that the perfect cup of coffee in a cafe in Paris would probably make me really happy. (that would not be free.lol)

I love food, I love very good food, don't we all. My happiness is getting back to cooking. My family has a long line of great chefs, I never really got into it. But now I find that there is something so fabulous about a great meal that you have prepared yourself. I used to think that someone else to appreciate that is what made it good...... not so much. I appreciate it, and that's all that matters to me right now.
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Old 12-29-2009, 08:06 PM
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We can have fun?!? Nah Uh - no way! What a concept!

Kidding!

I love this post too. I had a similar experience today going to see a movie with a girlfriend. I did have some fun times when with my STBX-AH. Well... not WITH him, but before we split up. I would do things with my son that he couldn't stop me from doing, even though every time he criticized me afterward, and I worried that... okay never mind. I TRIED to have fun before we split up. But now I really CAN have fun. And it's new. And it's... well... FUN!

Think I'll go read my book. Cuz it's FUN! Tomorrow... who knows?

Yup. Great post!
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Old 12-29-2009, 10:06 PM
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Tigger, you make me laugh...which is FUN!
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Old 12-30-2009, 06:33 AM
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I'll never forget the very first time (as an adult) that I took myself out for dinner and a movie. Just me, because -- you guessed it -- AX was out drinking and doing god knows what. I had always been petrified to be seen alone, like it was some kind of a mark of a loser. That night, I just had had enough, and the pain overcame my social stigma. I had a great meal, the waiters and waitresses all chatted me up and asked me what I was going to see, etc. And I got my full week's quota of laughter just in those few hours.

It sounds very trite, but that evening changed me for good. Being able to love your own life, and have your own fun, was and is really freeing for me. No one and nothing can take that from me, and it gives me the strength to do other harder things in life.

Fun and laughter to the paddlers!!!!!! :ghug3
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Old 12-30-2009, 07:12 AM
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Being able to love your own life, and have your own fun, was and is really freeing for me. No one and nothing can take that from me, and it gives me the strength to do other harder things in life.
This woman speaks the truth!
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Old 12-31-2009, 06:23 AM
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GiveLove...that was a mouthful.

Thanks for reminding us what we should already know, but have been conditioned to do without!
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