back and on a wave of goodness
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
back and on a wave of goodness
Hey, beloved friends! Let me start by saying how much I deeply appreciate your stories and support. You make/have made a big impact on my life for growth and self-love.
I am back from my 10 day silent meditation retreat. I have so many stories, I can't even say...
I didn't know what I would be getting into, but was I surprised to find out that Vipassana is about Being With What Is. OH LORDY! Was I in reaction/upset mode to what was going on. Not accepting it. Wishing it was different. Trying to change him...and here I end up at a place dedicated to practicing this!!
HAHA! I have such gentle compassion for my own suffering. But I have gained deeper compassion for his suffering.
As Byron Katie would say - if you look back at something you regret you did or that you feel guilt over and you examine your thought patterns before it happened, you will realize there is nothing you could have done differently, given your thoughts and beliefs. Nothing. And you probably hold those same thoughts, so that you WILL do it again. Perhaps you will be more sly about it, so as not to get the negative reaction you got, but you will do it again.
I have compassion for me!
It is the same for our alcoholic husbands/wives/children/parents/friends. They are suffering. Trapped in their thoughts and beliefs. Cravings and aversions. Reactions.
Does that mean they get a free ride to do whatever? In their own life, yes. It doesn't mean I have to accept more junk in my life.
I came home to a sullen, grumpy, sourpuss husband (holy smokes!). So So unhappy. Oh, suffering person! I have such loving compassion for living in that yuck he is steeping in.
I had to work, don't get me wrong, not to react with anger or blame. I had to work to remember he can't be but who he is, but I don't need to share the suffering. It makes him madder when I am happy when he is mad/sad, but that, too, is not mine.
My work was to remain in loving compassion and my own peace.
Their is a wonderful story of the Buddha and a contemporary of his - a religious leader - going to him in anger.
The man walks up to the Buddha yelling and berating.
The Buddha says, "May I ask you a question?"
"What?" the man replies bitterly.
"Do people come to see you at your house?"
"Oh, yes! Plenty of people! They line up at my door!" he replies with pride.
The Buddha asks, "Do they bring gifts?"
"Oh, yes. Often."
"If you do not want one of their gifts, what happens?" Buddha asked.
"I send the gift home with the visitor. I don't want it."
The Buddha then says smilingly, "What you came to me bringing, I do not want. You can take it home with you."
The man is so struck that he asks the Buddha how he had the capacity to do what he just did. The Buddha replied that the man should come and sit down and feel his breath.
I find that lovely. So each time my husband would grump, I would say gently to him in my mind, "I don't want that gift. It is yours. You can keep it."
Trust me, I had to say that many times last night. 100 hours of meditation helps with the grounding!!
I felt after reading Codie No More, doing step work and doing other work for 2 weeks, that I understood the concepts intellectually, but was struggling putting them into practice. How?? After years of habit patterns, how?
I would recommend to all of you to check out Vipassana meditation. It is a non-religious, non-sectarian practice of observing your own breathing and body sensation and learning to maintain equanimity (tranquility/calm in times of stress/compure/balance/even-temperedness/impartiality/lack of disturbance/detachment). Couldn't we all use some of that??
It was created by the Buddha, but the work can be applied to any person of any religion. Its good work. Self work. The retreat I did is 10 days of silence. No touching, no eye contact, no reading, no writing. Just 10 hours of meditation a day, walking outside, naps, eating vegetarian meals and an hour discourse in the evenings about the practice. It is hard. You wake a 4 every morning to practice (meditate). You go to bed at 9 at night. Two meals a day. You are confronted with physical, mental and intellectual pain. But the pain is like a practice ground. With the technique, can I remain equanimous in the face of this hardship? Yes. Then no. Then yes. Then no...Practice, practice, practice.
There is also ease and joy and lightness and release and freedom that arises.
Although reading or talking or journaling gives you access to the mental and intellectual realms, this includes the physical realm (because all input - mental, emotional or sensory - ends up as a sensation on the body) and is actual practice at detachment. WOW!
Here's some links:
Vipassana Meditation Website
Vipassana09
the path Walk the Path – blog
There are a number of people on youtube that made a video on the 10th day that you can check out.
Oh! I forgot! Its totally free! They are committed to NO commercialization. The whole thing - wonderful food, housing, the teaching - its all free. The servers work for free. The teachers teach for free! All because they believe in the work and want to share it. Cool!
I am clear I am committed to grow in my life and be in a relationship of growth with a partner that is committed to growth!
I am committed to be genuine and have a partner that is genuine.
I am committed to acknowledge my issues to myself and others and have a partner that will do the same.
I am committed to be transparent and honest in my life and have a partner that is also.
I am not making any quick decisions in my life, but holding on to what I want to create in my life and staying real with what is happening with myself and my AH. I am committed to staying open and attempting to stand in gentle, loving-compassion for myself and others - especially my husband.
I send you all happiness, peace, and liberation in your hearts.
Wife
I am back from my 10 day silent meditation retreat. I have so many stories, I can't even say...
I didn't know what I would be getting into, but was I surprised to find out that Vipassana is about Being With What Is. OH LORDY! Was I in reaction/upset mode to what was going on. Not accepting it. Wishing it was different. Trying to change him...and here I end up at a place dedicated to practicing this!!
HAHA! I have such gentle compassion for my own suffering. But I have gained deeper compassion for his suffering.
As Byron Katie would say - if you look back at something you regret you did or that you feel guilt over and you examine your thought patterns before it happened, you will realize there is nothing you could have done differently, given your thoughts and beliefs. Nothing. And you probably hold those same thoughts, so that you WILL do it again. Perhaps you will be more sly about it, so as not to get the negative reaction you got, but you will do it again.
I have compassion for me!
It is the same for our alcoholic husbands/wives/children/parents/friends. They are suffering. Trapped in their thoughts and beliefs. Cravings and aversions. Reactions.
Does that mean they get a free ride to do whatever? In their own life, yes. It doesn't mean I have to accept more junk in my life.
I came home to a sullen, grumpy, sourpuss husband (holy smokes!). So So unhappy. Oh, suffering person! I have such loving compassion for living in that yuck he is steeping in.
I had to work, don't get me wrong, not to react with anger or blame. I had to work to remember he can't be but who he is, but I don't need to share the suffering. It makes him madder when I am happy when he is mad/sad, but that, too, is not mine.
My work was to remain in loving compassion and my own peace.
Their is a wonderful story of the Buddha and a contemporary of his - a religious leader - going to him in anger.
The man walks up to the Buddha yelling and berating.
The Buddha says, "May I ask you a question?"
"What?" the man replies bitterly.
"Do people come to see you at your house?"
"Oh, yes! Plenty of people! They line up at my door!" he replies with pride.
The Buddha asks, "Do they bring gifts?"
"Oh, yes. Often."
"If you do not want one of their gifts, what happens?" Buddha asked.
"I send the gift home with the visitor. I don't want it."
The Buddha then says smilingly, "What you came to me bringing, I do not want. You can take it home with you."
The man is so struck that he asks the Buddha how he had the capacity to do what he just did. The Buddha replied that the man should come and sit down and feel his breath.
I find that lovely. So each time my husband would grump, I would say gently to him in my mind, "I don't want that gift. It is yours. You can keep it."
Trust me, I had to say that many times last night. 100 hours of meditation helps with the grounding!!
I felt after reading Codie No More, doing step work and doing other work for 2 weeks, that I understood the concepts intellectually, but was struggling putting them into practice. How?? After years of habit patterns, how?
I would recommend to all of you to check out Vipassana meditation. It is a non-religious, non-sectarian practice of observing your own breathing and body sensation and learning to maintain equanimity (tranquility/calm in times of stress/compure/balance/even-temperedness/impartiality/lack of disturbance/detachment). Couldn't we all use some of that??
It was created by the Buddha, but the work can be applied to any person of any religion. Its good work. Self work. The retreat I did is 10 days of silence. No touching, no eye contact, no reading, no writing. Just 10 hours of meditation a day, walking outside, naps, eating vegetarian meals and an hour discourse in the evenings about the practice. It is hard. You wake a 4 every morning to practice (meditate). You go to bed at 9 at night. Two meals a day. You are confronted with physical, mental and intellectual pain. But the pain is like a practice ground. With the technique, can I remain equanimous in the face of this hardship? Yes. Then no. Then yes. Then no...Practice, practice, practice.
There is also ease and joy and lightness and release and freedom that arises.
Although reading or talking or journaling gives you access to the mental and intellectual realms, this includes the physical realm (because all input - mental, emotional or sensory - ends up as a sensation on the body) and is actual practice at detachment. WOW!
Here's some links:
Vipassana Meditation Website
Vipassana09
the path Walk the Path – blog
There are a number of people on youtube that made a video on the 10th day that you can check out.
Oh! I forgot! Its totally free! They are committed to NO commercialization. The whole thing - wonderful food, housing, the teaching - its all free. The servers work for free. The teachers teach for free! All because they believe in the work and want to share it. Cool!
I am clear I am committed to grow in my life and be in a relationship of growth with a partner that is committed to growth!
I am committed to be genuine and have a partner that is genuine.
I am committed to acknowledge my issues to myself and others and have a partner that will do the same.
I am committed to be transparent and honest in my life and have a partner that is also.
I am not making any quick decisions in my life, but holding on to what I want to create in my life and staying real with what is happening with myself and my AH. I am committed to staying open and attempting to stand in gentle, loving-compassion for myself and others - especially my husband.
I send you all happiness, peace, and liberation in your hearts.
Wife
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
I have been reading a lot about the Buddhist faith and meditation lately. I am trying to incorporate it into my daily life.
Thank you for this post and info!
I am interested in finding information about this type of retreat.
Thank you for this post and info!
I am interested in finding information about this type of retreat.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 65
Thank you for this "gift" [that story was perfect fit]
It was exactly what I needed at this exact moment.
It is quite fragile and delicate and I shall contemplate and cherish it.
I am putting this meditation/practice into my MAYBE SOMEDAY file...there is a great appeal in what you described...like being detoxed in a way...detoxed from all the crap we endured and brought on ourselves as well. Blessings to you and all. D
It was exactly what I needed at this exact moment.
It is quite fragile and delicate and I shall contemplate and cherish it.
I am putting this meditation/practice into my MAYBE SOMEDAY file...there is a great appeal in what you described...like being detoxed in a way...detoxed from all the crap we endured and brought on ourselves as well. Blessings to you and all. D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 65
A few thoughts on compassion...maybe a new thread?
Your perspective on compassion intrigues me.
After all, it was what I was taught compassion was which got me in trouble so so many times in my life. I need to learn to have more compassion for myself/suffering. I need to learn that even though [taking the higher spiritual road] that loving others despite their shortcomings, feeling compassion does not necessarily open the door for them to use and abuse me or my love. This is the essence of my personal struggle since childhood. It is the core of my codie-ness. It has caused me great pain, suffering and cost me dearly in many many ways.
You have provided me insight into the issue and I am opened.
In The Green Mile, John Coffey says "He used their Love to hurt them .It is like that every day." Sometimes, I feel so fragile and confused by this. Me, who seems always so strong and independent. How could I be so confused?
After all, it was what I was taught compassion was which got me in trouble so so many times in my life. I need to learn to have more compassion for myself/suffering. I need to learn that even though [taking the higher spiritual road] that loving others despite their shortcomings, feeling compassion does not necessarily open the door for them to use and abuse me or my love. This is the essence of my personal struggle since childhood. It is the core of my codie-ness. It has caused me great pain, suffering and cost me dearly in many many ways.
You have provided me insight into the issue and I am opened.
In The Green Mile, John Coffey says "He used their Love to hurt them .It is like that every day." Sometimes, I feel so fragile and confused by this. Me, who seems always so strong and independent. How could I be so confused?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Prayforjoy-
I so hear you! How many times have I said, "Isn't my job? As a wife? As a human? To stand by him? To support him no matter what?
I am learning my loving-compassion is just that. It doesn't MEAN I have to do anything or not do anything. It means I am in a particular space in my heart (that, actually, serves my best interest, as well as his). Then I take the action that I need to to move forward or protect myself or grow or whatever. That's deep!
Namaste,
Wife
I so hear you! How many times have I said, "Isn't my job? As a wife? As a human? To stand by him? To support him no matter what?
I am learning my loving-compassion is just that. It doesn't MEAN I have to do anything or not do anything. It means I am in a particular space in my heart (that, actually, serves my best interest, as well as his). Then I take the action that I need to to move forward or protect myself or grow or whatever. That's deep!
Namaste,
Wife
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