Binge yesterday - thinking out loud about it
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NY
Posts: 126
Binge yesterday - thinking out loud about it
Well this is the first binge since I started going to Al Anon, so I kind of saw it as a test.
I got up yesterday morning, and my AH was up, I'd assumed that he'd just gotten up, but he told me that he hadn't yet slept. I don't know why, but I am stunned every time this happens.
We had a busy day planned- a little bit of work, we had a big delivery today which I had to oversee myself with the kids bc he couldn't. I took all of the kids to my younger daughter's preschool Christmas party, and he couldn't go of course. I then stayed out of the house as much as possible. I was planning on going home in between errands, but instead I just stayed out with the kids, did food shopping, and took them out to lunch. It was hard, I usually leave my older 2 with my dh (when he's not drinking of course) to get these things done.
I didn't know how to behave or feel. My first instinct is to feel anger because he is being useless and not working. I have to remember about the disease. I tried not going off the deep end, because in the grand scheme of things this binge on it's own is not going to do much damage.
When I got home, I didn't know what I'd find. It's not over, but I'm dealing much better with it. In the past, the very recent past, I would have been furious with him, but right now I'm just going with the flow and when he speaks to me, I'm loving. He is very loving, even when he's drinking.
It's strange. I'm not used to being so calm during a binge like this. I don't know if I'm always doing the right thing with these new coping skills. I suppose I'll speak to him about it later, calmly, and pray first.
Maybe I'll add more later, just wanted to think out loud. If anyone has anything to tell me or advice, I'm all ears!
I got up yesterday morning, and my AH was up, I'd assumed that he'd just gotten up, but he told me that he hadn't yet slept. I don't know why, but I am stunned every time this happens.
We had a busy day planned- a little bit of work, we had a big delivery today which I had to oversee myself with the kids bc he couldn't. I took all of the kids to my younger daughter's preschool Christmas party, and he couldn't go of course. I then stayed out of the house as much as possible. I was planning on going home in between errands, but instead I just stayed out with the kids, did food shopping, and took them out to lunch. It was hard, I usually leave my older 2 with my dh (when he's not drinking of course) to get these things done.
I didn't know how to behave or feel. My first instinct is to feel anger because he is being useless and not working. I have to remember about the disease. I tried not going off the deep end, because in the grand scheme of things this binge on it's own is not going to do much damage.
When I got home, I didn't know what I'd find. It's not over, but I'm dealing much better with it. In the past, the very recent past, I would have been furious with him, but right now I'm just going with the flow and when he speaks to me, I'm loving. He is very loving, even when he's drinking.
It's strange. I'm not used to being so calm during a binge like this. I don't know if I'm always doing the right thing with these new coping skills. I suppose I'll speak to him about it later, calmly, and pray first.
Maybe I'll add more later, just wanted to think out loud. If anyone has anything to tell me or advice, I'm all ears!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
good for you for not engaging.
i can't see the point in talking to him about it, tho. for me, those conversations never went well and at the end of the day, he made his choice and you have made yours. what is there to talk about?
chances are if you talk about it, he will either become defensive, blame you or say he's sorry with more of the same to come.
i made the mistake of talking to mine, assuming he was dealing in reality, as i was. it took me a very long time to realize they are operating in some sort of parallel universe and will do anything, say anything in order to protect their drinking.
i am sure one of their stock pile of excuses is its the holidays...but you know what, it's the holidays for you and i also but we are shunning our responsibilities and coping thru alcohol.
naive
i can't see the point in talking to him about it, tho. for me, those conversations never went well and at the end of the day, he made his choice and you have made yours. what is there to talk about?
chances are if you talk about it, he will either become defensive, blame you or say he's sorry with more of the same to come.
i made the mistake of talking to mine, assuming he was dealing in reality, as i was. it took me a very long time to realize they are operating in some sort of parallel universe and will do anything, say anything in order to protect their drinking.
i am sure one of their stock pile of excuses is its the holidays...but you know what, it's the holidays for you and i also but we are shunning our responsibilities and coping thru alcohol.
naive
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