Finding the holidays difficult
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NY, NY
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Finding the holidays difficult
This is my 2nd post...It will probably be rambling as my friends have no idea why I could still be holding on to an alcoholic/addict. I am trying not to talk about it with them b/c they really don't understand. It's been 6 weeks since I spoke to my ex-boyfriend. I posted a few weeks ago-we had been dating 5 1/2 yrs and I finally had the courage to end it and mean it. We had been apart for almost 6months but he kept texting, talking to a mutual friend etc. All the while telling me he was running, staying healthy-leading me to believe he was changing. I now now that since we have broken up his Alcohol and drug use have gotten out of hand.
To make a long story short I stupidly started to see him again as "friends" with the understanding of "let's see how things go". He was telling me how he was still in love with me and that I would have been what was best for him etc. and it turns out he was saying all the same things to a girl he claimed he was just casually dating (she had no idea he was seeing me). This girl is a big drinker herself and was ok with his drinking and cocaine use but even she noticed it was getting out of hand and told him to go to AA.
Well, I found out about all this and ended things completely and somehow he convinced this girl to take him back saying I didn't mean anything to him...I was completely crushed. When he thought she wouldn't speak to him he actually asked me to go to AA with him AGAIN. I said I couldn't go through this with him again. Next thing I know he is pouring all of his efforts into getting her back. What makes this all difficult is this girl works at a bar where my roommate works at. Everything is so close to me. I know that my ex an his new girlfriend go in the bar all the time and I am constantly tempted to ask what's going on.
Am I crazy to think that he will be this new wonderful person with her. I already know that he is not going to AA and probably is giving her the same moderation speech he gave me. I know its only a matter of time before he moves in with her because his family refuse to help him pay his bills anymore. It seemed like he was on the verge of hitting bottom but I think this girl will be there to cushion his fall. I am still so hurt even though I know he is so wrong for me and I actually miss him. UUUGGGHH! Has anyone dealt with the "life of the party" addict whose so charming you often forgive there mistakes? I'm so disgusted with myself! When will it get better? Even though I am keeping busy, even dating a bit I feel like I am not progressing. I think about it often. When will it get better?
To make a long story short I stupidly started to see him again as "friends" with the understanding of "let's see how things go". He was telling me how he was still in love with me and that I would have been what was best for him etc. and it turns out he was saying all the same things to a girl he claimed he was just casually dating (she had no idea he was seeing me). This girl is a big drinker herself and was ok with his drinking and cocaine use but even she noticed it was getting out of hand and told him to go to AA.
Well, I found out about all this and ended things completely and somehow he convinced this girl to take him back saying I didn't mean anything to him...I was completely crushed. When he thought she wouldn't speak to him he actually asked me to go to AA with him AGAIN. I said I couldn't go through this with him again. Next thing I know he is pouring all of his efforts into getting her back. What makes this all difficult is this girl works at a bar where my roommate works at. Everything is so close to me. I know that my ex an his new girlfriend go in the bar all the time and I am constantly tempted to ask what's going on.
Am I crazy to think that he will be this new wonderful person with her. I already know that he is not going to AA and probably is giving her the same moderation speech he gave me. I know its only a matter of time before he moves in with her because his family refuse to help him pay his bills anymore. It seemed like he was on the verge of hitting bottom but I think this girl will be there to cushion his fall. I am still so hurt even though I know he is so wrong for me and I actually miss him. UUUGGGHH! Has anyone dealt with the "life of the party" addict whose so charming you often forgive there mistakes? I'm so disgusted with myself! When will it get better? Even though I am keeping busy, even dating a bit I feel like I am not progressing. I think about it often. When will it get better?
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Location: Boston
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I am still so hurt even though I know he is so wrong for me and I actually miss him. UUUGGGHH! Has anyone dealt with the "life of the party" addict whose so charming you often forgive there mistakes? I'm so disgusted with myself! When will it get better? Even though I am keeping busy, even dating a bit I feel like I am not progressing. I think about it often. When will it get better?
You know he is wrong for you and yet you still have this urge, this pull, this slight obsession....I heard a funny thing at a meeting once:
Definition of a codependent: a person who won't give up a life of confusing painful misery without a fight!
The "life of the party" alcoholic will eventually be the death of the party. Alcoholism is progressive. Every day an alcoholic drinks their disease is progressing.
For many it is a slow process. It is important that I am not minimizing their addiction or living in denial or in the fantasy of who this person could be if they were sober etc. That is all speculation and fantasy. I do best when I accept the facts. There is absolutely no guarantee that an alkie will find sobriety and embrace recovery. But it is guaranteed that their disease will progress if they continue drinking.
Also never forget - an alcoholic is like one of those beautiful rare flowers you see on a nature show that attracts it's prey by being beautiful and smelling nice but it is actually a poisonous plant. It needs to maintain its appealing features so that it can survive.
Alcoholics will attract many and any willing enablers over the years. If they need to have a gf or bf so that they feel like - hey I am not so bad - so they can continue to drink - they will. If they need a gf or bf so they can occassionnally have "heart to hearts" where they reveal their personal pain, their "reasons" for drinking, so they get sympathy and can maintain their own "I can't help it" mentality they will do that. And if they need a gf or bf to provide a roof over their head they will be especially charming and controlling to keep that person in their web. The more amazing bf's or gf's they can attract in their life the more it means to them that they are not so bad and why change?
This is just the way they are - it is the nature of their disease - we don't need to take it personally! Because none of it is real and the only person who can make an alcoholic stop drinking is the alcoholic themself.
But enough about the alcoholic!
People with codependent tendencies tend to respond to these charmers - often because our bad habits of mind fake us into believing we can help them. We have a completely wrong notion - completely, that we are the ones who can help them, can point them in the right direction, can give them just the right bit of information or support that will propel them into being these fantastic people that we are just so darn sure they could be!
We wrongly think our love should be enough. Or our shared children. Or our "special connection."
It's all a dangerous fantasy.
Why do we do this? The reasons are all within, and figuring that out and changing ourselves is a life altering experience - for the better!
I would guess you feel like you are not progressing because he is still very much on your mind and in your life. Have you considered going No Contact? No calling, texting, emailing, news from mutual friends etc? Fill your life with solving your own problems, reaching your own goals - or even just getting in touch with yourself to figure out what your goals are!! I know I used the distraction of my brothers alcoholism for a long time as a way to not face all the things I really should/could have been doing!
Anyway- you're not alone - stick around - and check out the stickies at the top of the first page of this forum -- lots of good stuff in there!
peace-
b
You know he is wrong for you and yet you still have this urge, this pull, this slight obsession....I heard a funny thing at a meeting once:
Definition of a codependent: a person who won't give up a life of confusing painful misery without a fight!
The "life of the party" alcoholic will eventually be the death of the party. Alcoholism is progressive. Every day an alcoholic drinks their disease is progressing.
For many it is a slow process. It is important that I am not minimizing their addiction or living in denial or in the fantasy of who this person could be if they were sober etc. That is all speculation and fantasy. I do best when I accept the facts. There is absolutely no guarantee that an alkie will find sobriety and embrace recovery. But it is guaranteed that their disease will progress if they continue drinking.
Also never forget - an alcoholic is like one of those beautiful rare flowers you see on a nature show that attracts it's prey by being beautiful and smelling nice but it is actually a poisonous plant. It needs to maintain its appealing features so that it can survive.
Alcoholics will attract many and any willing enablers over the years. If they need to have a gf or bf so that they feel like - hey I am not so bad - so they can continue to drink - they will. If they need a gf or bf so they can occassionnally have "heart to hearts" where they reveal their personal pain, their "reasons" for drinking, so they get sympathy and can maintain their own "I can't help it" mentality they will do that. And if they need a gf or bf to provide a roof over their head they will be especially charming and controlling to keep that person in their web. The more amazing bf's or gf's they can attract in their life the more it means to them that they are not so bad and why change?
This is just the way they are - it is the nature of their disease - we don't need to take it personally! Because none of it is real and the only person who can make an alcoholic stop drinking is the alcoholic themself.
But enough about the alcoholic!
People with codependent tendencies tend to respond to these charmers - often because our bad habits of mind fake us into believing we can help them. We have a completely wrong notion - completely, that we are the ones who can help them, can point them in the right direction, can give them just the right bit of information or support that will propel them into being these fantastic people that we are just so darn sure they could be!
We wrongly think our love should be enough. Or our shared children. Or our "special connection."
It's all a dangerous fantasy.
Why do we do this? The reasons are all within, and figuring that out and changing ourselves is a life altering experience - for the better!
I would guess you feel like you are not progressing because he is still very much on your mind and in your life. Have you considered going No Contact? No calling, texting, emailing, news from mutual friends etc? Fill your life with solving your own problems, reaching your own goals - or even just getting in touch with yourself to figure out what your goals are!! I know I used the distraction of my brothers alcoholism for a long time as a way to not face all the things I really should/could have been doing!
Anyway- you're not alone - stick around - and check out the stickies at the top of the first page of this forum -- lots of good stuff in there!
peace-
b
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Am I crazy to think that he will be this new wonderful person with her. "
Yes. They make a great couple. They enable eachother's destructive addictive behaviors. Active addictivs create a parallel universe that is largely comprised of enablers. I think that six weeks after seeing someone for over five years is a very short period of time. You deserve better. It takes time and support from sane rational people is very helpful.
Yes. They make a great couple. They enable eachother's destructive addictive behaviors. Active addictivs create a parallel universe that is largely comprised of enablers. I think that six weeks after seeing someone for over five years is a very short period of time. You deserve better. It takes time and support from sane rational people is very helpful.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
In my experience, it got better when I started liking the life I had without my alcoholic former husband-- after I was able stop trying so hard trying to build it, and just enjoy it instead. It took awhile. At six months, I had barely gotten started.
Also, being grossed out was an effective antidote to my need to hold on to him. There came a point when I began to be horrified by what he and his new girlfriend were doing, and I stepped way back. He lied about his marital status to her, of course it came out anyway, and she kept dating him anyway, and (I think) they found a whole new circle of friends who knew nothing about the whole mess. Those are the correct decisions for their lives-- those are their choices to make. For my life, I've never gone to those lengths to hide the truth, or been tempted to. Creepy! I don't get it, and I don't want to.
These days, I stay away from them, beyond what I have to do for our daughter. He radiates misery and depression (he did with me too, but now I'm less tolerant of it), and from time to time she tries to draw me into this weird parenting triangle run by Hers Truly.
Is your boyfriend going to be this wonderful new person with the new GF? No. He's already two timed her. He's going to be himself with her. Five years from now she'll be in your shoes. At first, my former husband corrected all the mistakes he made with me... with his new girlfriend. He became this new man, happy, fit, and contented. It lasted a few months, and then he reverted to the way he was before.
My friends and family didn't understand either, and still don't. This is a good place to ramble whenever you need to.
The holidays are horrible: my former husband is going on a vacation with my child and his girlfriend, the kind we used to take, and I hate that, after all this time I'm still hurt by that. I scrambled around trying to find someone to spend the day with me, and ended up making plans with a dear friend who is Muslim, so he wasn't doing anything to start with. It isn't fair, and it isn't going to become fair anytime soon. (I have the comfort of remembering that last Christmas eve, when I went to his house to get my daughter, my former husband picked up her skis to take them to my car... but he put them down and bolted when he saw that my boyfriend was in the driver's seat. Pppphhhttt!!!! Not mature on my part, but it makes me feel better.)
Hugs, and be gentle with yourself! It takes a lot of courage to end a relationship with someone you love, and then things don't immediately get all get better. It takes time. Progress isn't always something you can see happening. You realize it after the fact.
Also, being grossed out was an effective antidote to my need to hold on to him. There came a point when I began to be horrified by what he and his new girlfriend were doing, and I stepped way back. He lied about his marital status to her, of course it came out anyway, and she kept dating him anyway, and (I think) they found a whole new circle of friends who knew nothing about the whole mess. Those are the correct decisions for their lives-- those are their choices to make. For my life, I've never gone to those lengths to hide the truth, or been tempted to. Creepy! I don't get it, and I don't want to.
These days, I stay away from them, beyond what I have to do for our daughter. He radiates misery and depression (he did with me too, but now I'm less tolerant of it), and from time to time she tries to draw me into this weird parenting triangle run by Hers Truly.
Is your boyfriend going to be this wonderful new person with the new GF? No. He's already two timed her. He's going to be himself with her. Five years from now she'll be in your shoes. At first, my former husband corrected all the mistakes he made with me... with his new girlfriend. He became this new man, happy, fit, and contented. It lasted a few months, and then he reverted to the way he was before.
My friends and family didn't understand either, and still don't. This is a good place to ramble whenever you need to.
The holidays are horrible: my former husband is going on a vacation with my child and his girlfriend, the kind we used to take, and I hate that, after all this time I'm still hurt by that. I scrambled around trying to find someone to spend the day with me, and ended up making plans with a dear friend who is Muslim, so he wasn't doing anything to start with. It isn't fair, and it isn't going to become fair anytime soon. (I have the comfort of remembering that last Christmas eve, when I went to his house to get my daughter, my former husband picked up her skis to take them to my car... but he put them down and bolted when he saw that my boyfriend was in the driver's seat. Pppphhhttt!!!! Not mature on my part, but it makes me feel better.)
Hugs, and be gentle with yourself! It takes a lot of courage to end a relationship with someone you love, and then things don't immediately get all get better. It takes time. Progress isn't always something you can see happening. You realize it after the fact.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
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Originally Posted by BuffaloGal 
In my experience, it got better when I started liking the life I had without my alcoholic former husband-- after I was able stop trying so hard trying to build it, and just enjoy it instead. It took awhile. At six months, I had barely gotten started.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Definition of a codependent: a person who won't give up a life of confusing painful misery without a fight!
DAMN!! lol.
Thanks all for this thread, it has helped me a lot today.
Hey s1, I WORK with XABF, so I get the closeness thing. A few weeks after our breakup he was parading the new gf, bringing her to the office, introducing her to common friends, etc. etc. it hurt like hell.
The only thing that helped me was to block him from msn, mobile, STOP looking at his facebook, stop talking to common "friends" who turned out not to be as nice as I thought.. I stopped going to places that triggered me.. I created an Alternate Universe and went out of my way just not to have those constant triggers as close... for me it took doing the opposite, asking how he was doing (I was told "he remembers the good and the bad but he doesn't live in the past"), reading his FB, obssessing when he is not around or is out of the office, etc. etc. all that gave me so much pain for a year, and its not worth it.
If you stay No Contact you allow different things in your life...... space for new friends with whom you can relax because they won't bring the subject up... time for travel.. I went to Europe and was happy because NO ONE at the Schiphol airport in Amsterdam knew them, cared about them and it was nice to know I was in a continent they hadn't even breathed in. LOL.
Its tougher when you can't leave far away or change your context radically, but it is possible to dettach. Here a user called "Ago" told me that I just did not know what was going on, in his heart ,mind or life. A good person? there are no indications he changed radically and became good out of the blue. In fact it seems he is the same person. So instead of thinking about the holidays he is having in "OUR" places... I think of the way he probably insults her after a night out... the empty promises... the confusion.... the anger when he said he was able to drive.... the tears......how he talked about other women infront of me....
I imagine he is acting the same way I remember him, the same hurtful way. After all no one controls their addiction, it is chronic and very real. No addiction is healed by someone else. Don't be fooled. Perhaps it is hidden for a while (so new people don't go away screaming...at least not right away) BUT it won't last. It is chronic and progressive if untreated.
It's all manipulation and you were brave on letting him go. There is pain but there is also freedom and wisdom. When I wanted revenge I was given a mantra "trust in God's perfect justice" you know, its in God's hands. Also... as I believe in karma lol, I think "perhaps in another life I was the alcoholic abuser and treated this person badly, so this situation WAS justice.. so I could feel the other end".
I'm rambling. the thing is that its important, what you are doing.... you may not see the whole puzzle but time, no contact, inner work can give you a "Zoom out" and healing so you see this as you see other painful events you have gone through... far away; maybe not forgotten but at least not an obstacle to live a good life today.
Hugs!! you are not alone
DAMN!! lol.
Thanks all for this thread, it has helped me a lot today.
Hey s1, I WORK with XABF, so I get the closeness thing. A few weeks after our breakup he was parading the new gf, bringing her to the office, introducing her to common friends, etc. etc. it hurt like hell.
The only thing that helped me was to block him from msn, mobile, STOP looking at his facebook, stop talking to common "friends" who turned out not to be as nice as I thought.. I stopped going to places that triggered me.. I created an Alternate Universe and went out of my way just not to have those constant triggers as close... for me it took doing the opposite, asking how he was doing (I was told "he remembers the good and the bad but he doesn't live in the past"), reading his FB, obssessing when he is not around or is out of the office, etc. etc. all that gave me so much pain for a year, and its not worth it.
If you stay No Contact you allow different things in your life...... space for new friends with whom you can relax because they won't bring the subject up... time for travel.. I went to Europe and was happy because NO ONE at the Schiphol airport in Amsterdam knew them, cared about them and it was nice to know I was in a continent they hadn't even breathed in. LOL.
Its tougher when you can't leave far away or change your context radically, but it is possible to dettach. Here a user called "Ago" told me that I just did not know what was going on, in his heart ,mind or life. A good person? there are no indications he changed radically and became good out of the blue. In fact it seems he is the same person. So instead of thinking about the holidays he is having in "OUR" places... I think of the way he probably insults her after a night out... the empty promises... the confusion.... the anger when he said he was able to drive.... the tears......how he talked about other women infront of me....
I imagine he is acting the same way I remember him, the same hurtful way. After all no one controls their addiction, it is chronic and very real. No addiction is healed by someone else. Don't be fooled. Perhaps it is hidden for a while (so new people don't go away screaming...at least not right away) BUT it won't last. It is chronic and progressive if untreated.
It's all manipulation and you were brave on letting him go. There is pain but there is also freedom and wisdom. When I wanted revenge I was given a mantra "trust in God's perfect justice" you know, its in God's hands. Also... as I believe in karma lol, I think "perhaps in another life I was the alcoholic abuser and treated this person badly, so this situation WAS justice.. so I could feel the other end".
I'm rambling. the thing is that its important, what you are doing.... you may not see the whole puzzle but time, no contact, inner work can give you a "Zoom out" and healing so you see this as you see other painful events you have gone through... far away; maybe not forgotten but at least not an obstacle to live a good life today.
Hugs!! you are not alone
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 17
WOW! I don't know how you managed to work in the same place...I guess I should count my blessings. I am definitely staying away from FB--I totally relate While we are not friends we have too many in common so I may see posts that are too painful.
You are so right-in my heart I know he will end up being his true self after this "honeymoon" phase is over. Just right now it hurts so much. I think part of my problem was that I feel in love with the "future" he painted for us--he is so convincing-so sincere...Your'e words have really helped thank you.
While we are not friends we have too many in common so I may see posts that are too painful. You are so right-in my heart I know he will end up being his true self after this "honeymoon" phase is over. Just right now it hurts so much. I think part of my problem was that I feel in love with the "future" he painted for us--he is so convincing-so sincere...Your'e words have really helped thank you.
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I did always try and help him fix the messes he got into...That is one thing I won't miss. Just like you I actually had contact with his now girlfriend. While we lead very different lives she is a nice girl. She was horrified when she heard all the things he was doing but alas he convinced her somehow that she was the "only" one for him.
In the karmic universe I hope he gets what he deserves and the girl realizes what he is-only time will tell.
In the karmic universe I hope he gets what he deserves and the girl realizes what he is-only time will tell.
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That is so true--only he can help himself. I wish I realized that sooner...I always felt all he needs is someone to truly believe in him. He had a horrific childhood which -as you mentioned-completely played on my sympathies and guilt...
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TC999- I always love your posts!
s1seven - I feel much of the same way you do. Questioning is he really of a sudden happy with HER? Today has been hard, just feeling sorry for myself and being alone, and imagining them singing xmas carols around a piano laughing and toasting. (i'm sure VERY far from the truth..lol)
But I get in these rare moments where I start to question MYSELF and my actions and start thinking maybe he wasn't so bad. Well, mine went back to his ex wife. So I start thinking that maybe he was great and that's why she took him back and I really did lose something....
The time they were apart he told me she was horrible, but when he decided to go back he said that SHE was the one trying so hard to get him back and she realized what an amazing husband he was, and SHE really messed up....
Could that possibly be true??? Could he really be so great in a couple when he was so emotionally unavailable, plus with his alcohol addiction and dealing with ptsd???
Her family seems to like him. So of course, why would her family support them getting back together if he was so bad??? They were all friends on his facebook page so before I had blocked him and then deleted my page I saw postings from his ex mother in law seemingly excited that he was coming back to see his ex.
It was ALL so confusing, and SO hurtful and SO painful. And made and makes me question myself....
I try so hard to remember ALL of his issues, and how he treated ME. And I know that's what matters. I know ALL of the lies, and there were so many. But he was ALWAYS so convincing, so "sincere", always seemed to care if he hurt my feelings (atleast until he got back with his ex).
Yep, sometimes I feel like I was the crazy one, and he didn't do anything wrong, and I lived in a fantasy world (the last part true!) but then I come here, and once again snapped into reality, and reminded that the life he offers is NOT what I want.
And no matter how perfect their life may SEEM to me now, I really know nothing about it, there was a HUGE reason why their marriage only lasted 9 months, and he packed up and abandoned her and left the state they lived in. I'm sure THOSE reasons, I will NEVER know. And i'm ok with that.
Once again, thanks for these great threads. Just having a tough day.
s1seven - I feel much of the same way you do. Questioning is he really of a sudden happy with HER? Today has been hard, just feeling sorry for myself and being alone, and imagining them singing xmas carols around a piano laughing and toasting. (i'm sure VERY far from the truth..lol)
But I get in these rare moments where I start to question MYSELF and my actions and start thinking maybe he wasn't so bad. Well, mine went back to his ex wife. So I start thinking that maybe he was great and that's why she took him back and I really did lose something....
The time they were apart he told me she was horrible, but when he decided to go back he said that SHE was the one trying so hard to get him back and she realized what an amazing husband he was, and SHE really messed up....
Could that possibly be true??? Could he really be so great in a couple when he was so emotionally unavailable, plus with his alcohol addiction and dealing with ptsd???
Her family seems to like him. So of course, why would her family support them getting back together if he was so bad??? They were all friends on his facebook page so before I had blocked him and then deleted my page I saw postings from his ex mother in law seemingly excited that he was coming back to see his ex.
It was ALL so confusing, and SO hurtful and SO painful. And made and makes me question myself....
I try so hard to remember ALL of his issues, and how he treated ME. And I know that's what matters. I know ALL of the lies, and there were so many. But he was ALWAYS so convincing, so "sincere", always seemed to care if he hurt my feelings (atleast until he got back with his ex).
Yep, sometimes I feel like I was the crazy one, and he didn't do anything wrong, and I lived in a fantasy world (the last part true!) but then I come here, and once again snapped into reality, and reminded that the life he offers is NOT what I want.
And no matter how perfect their life may SEEM to me now, I really know nothing about it, there was a HUGE reason why their marriage only lasted 9 months, and he packed up and abandoned her and left the state they lived in. I'm sure THOSE reasons, I will NEVER know. And i'm ok with that.
Once again, thanks for these great threads. Just having a tough day.
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Thanks Elegantly Wasted-I need to be reminded of that. The thing is throughout our relationship he was always waffling about his drug and alcohol problem. He had a problem-My drinking isn't what it use to be-I've changed so much for you... We led very different lives- I ran the marathon and don't drink that much and I think this influenced him to a certain extent. He never drank every day, for a month or 2 he would be fine and then he would binge...
He went to AA for a minute in order to get me back and then gradually went to "moderating" his drinking which rarely worked. I guess with this new girlfriend he chose to give in to his addiction. I think her appeal is that she doesn't make him feel uncomfortable about his drinking/drug use.
About a month ago when all this happened I really thought he was going to hit rock bottom, everyone seemed to be getting disgusted with him. He had a friend who was going to go to AA with him. Don't know what happened to that but I do know he has a new place to stay at his girlfriend's, so he doesn;t have to deal with the things he's done. I also know they both are out at the bars pretty often so I guess he's back to not dealing with anything...
He went to AA for a minute in order to get me back and then gradually went to "moderating" his drinking which rarely worked. I guess with this new girlfriend he chose to give in to his addiction. I think her appeal is that she doesn't make him feel uncomfortable about his drinking/drug use.
About a month ago when all this happened I really thought he was going to hit rock bottom, everyone seemed to be getting disgusted with him. He had a friend who was going to go to AA with him. Don't know what happened to that but I do know he has a new place to stay at his girlfriend's, so he doesn;t have to deal with the things he's done. I also know they both are out at the bars pretty often so I guess he's back to not dealing with anything...
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