Help Ladies
 

So here I am at work, having a great day, feeling pretty darn good. Next thing you know my Mother in law calls and said your husband isnt doing well he had to leave work today. He wants to know why your not talking to him, why dont you love him, he needs help. Well ladies I pretty much gave it to her. Who is going to help me? The answer to that is myself. Who has helped me in the past.The answer has been myself. Him leaving work is his choice. I told her he needs to suck it up and become a man.

For how many years have I held my job while going thru this whole mess of a life. He has been sober for two months and attending AA but I have no reason to be speaking to him unless its an emergency or has to do with our daughter. She says he has so many feelings his head is spinning. So I said well its about time. There is nothing I can do to help him. call the doctor.

So now Im feeling the tugs of calling him.. Ahhhhhh....

Good for you! Now you just have to step away from that telephone...

He told his mum on you????!!! How old is he? 12?

He is living at his parents house. It felt pretty good to tell her they way it is. Makes me nuts that Im feeling guilty.. Who was feeling guilty for me all these years..

Its still a bit much that he got his mum to intervene on his behalf! I thought he was a grown up! :)

Letting go of the guilt is hard, I know. But you are allowed to have these feelings and you are allowed not to act on them as soon as you feel them! This was something that took a while for me to 'get'. I used to beat myself up for feeling guilty, sorry, angry and just about everything else! Now, over a year separated, I don't feel any guilt at all!! Sometimes, telling it as it is to misguided/well intentioned friends and relatives helps. Hang in there, it will get better.

Your right I can feel this and Im just not going to react to it. Ive said the same things over and over to him and now his Mother. Its just stupid to re hash the same ole thing. I cant control what he does or feels, so Im just going to let it go. Im not calling. He needs to figure out what he is going to do or not do. I can only do whats best for me.

It is really funny that he told his mom on you. Wow.

"Moooooom, my wife doesn't love meeeeee! It's not fair!! Make her wanna talk to meeee!"

Seriously though. I'm glad you let her have it.

I have wondered what I would say to my XABF's mother if she contacted me about her "special boy."

It's like a weird game of volleyball and they keeping thinking that spiking his alcoholic behind back over the net at you is going to take away their baggage somehow.

I've always thought, "Well my dear, you raised him, I kept him clothed, fed, and financed for a while, you should have changed your number because now he's back in your court."

I think you handled yourself as best as you could considering the enormous triggering of emotion that call must have caused. I agree that if he prompted her to call you, he's got some serious maturity issues going on. If he didn't then she is a serious meddler who probably feels enormous guilt watching her little wonder suffer his own consequences. If he's working a program then he has the tools to manage his feelings and to keep his recovery out of his mom's business.

Take a deep breath. Walk away from the phone. Let the two of them hash our their own issues. That's what sober adults do, right?

Best wishes!

Alice

If he is working program, he should talk to his sponsor or group about these feelings. waddawuss! Mine is the same way...whiney when he feels needy or knows he screwed up. Sounds like his Mama helped him learn not face up - classic codie?

The poor thing, he's having a hard time hunh? Well, welcome to the real sober world.

When I asked my rah to leave, we had to admit what was going on to my family. Because we were moving cities and had to move in with my parents while we sold our house. While we were in that circumstance, I asked him to sleep in the basement. My own mother told me that I was breaking up my family and I should be helping him. Who was breaking up the family??????? I couldn't believe it! Then again, I got some of my most unhealthy behaviours from her, so maybe it shouldn't have been that surprising. Ugh. Not only did I have to deal with him, I had to then deal with her crap too.

Thanks ladies, I knew you guys would understand. Im holding strong! If he is that bad then let Mommy take him to the ER and admit his behind.