Really trying not to call him

Old 12-22-2009, 05:22 PM
  # 41 (permalink)  
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Isn't it funny how we remember the good times, not the terrible ones? I should be happy that I have finally detached myself from him.

I will be on here too, to remind myself that I'm not really alone! I'm trying my best to appreciate the wonderful things I have.

Hope you have a joyful holiday.

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Old 12-22-2009, 07:56 PM
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I'm back!!
You got it KP... he made his choice and you get to make yours!! wow you got it so fast. For me it took more than 2000 posts LOL, oh wait, sometimes I still don't get it!! LOL!

Its soooooooooo true that temptations will ALWAYS be there... and it takes huge work to take the best option... but one of melody beattie books says that you can count what DIDNT happen

-you didnt get hiv from him sharing needles (u know alcoholics switch to drugs often)
-you didnt get a std from him cheating
-you are able to use internet and talk to us, when many others cant access it and feel they are alone.
-you didnt have kids and raised them all the way to see them becoming alcoholics or spouses of an alcoholic.
-you get the chance to meet someone who has no addictions and build a great life with them.
-you got the gift of introspection so its easier for you to grow and learn from difficult situations

Also, some "reverse therapy" I read somewhere else.

Go ahead. Reply to him. See him. Have sex with him. Believe him. But I guarantee you you will be posting back, only in more pain and feeling like an idiot. At least that is how I felt everytime I believed I knew better than SR friends, that MY xabf was DIFFERENT, that he WOULDNT be capable of yadda yadda. Its evil dear KP. If you think this is pain wait until you are lied to and manipulated once more. Wait until you are so frustrated and confused you become a raging alcoholic yourself.

This is what a recovered alcoholic told me in AA... "you think this is pain, wait until you get married to him or some other addicted. You do not even know hell. I know this because I was there, and gave hell to my wife and kids who never deserved the trash I was" those were his words, literally...

Stay strong!!! or make mistakes... I made tons and always came back here.... so, just like others were here for me and keep being here: we will be here waiting for your return.
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Old 12-22-2009, 08:32 PM
  # 43 (permalink)  
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I hope you take the last post in the spirit it was intended... I read it again and it may sound harsh... also it is not properly edited... but probably times up as I dont see the edit button there anymore
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Old 12-22-2009, 08:36 PM
  # 44 (permalink)  
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Wow, TC, that was great! I really needed to read that....

I was just reflecting on my journal and realized I have been crying over my XA for nearly 5 months....5 months!!! That's insane to me. I thought I had been upset for about 2, maybe 3.
5 seems so long to me especially since our relationship was so one sided....ALL ME. So WHAT am I crying over??? Oh the rejection? The loss of the dream of him???
Good grief, enough already. I am ready for this man to be done and out of my head. He does not deserve my tears. Not one single drop.
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Old 12-22-2009, 08:58 PM
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Go ahead. Reply to him. See him. Have sex with him. Believe him. But I guarantee you you will be posting back, only in more pain and feeling like an idiot. At least that is how I felt everytime I believed I knew better than SR friends, that MY xabf was DIFFERENT, that he WOULDNT be capable of yadda yadda. Its evil dear KP. If you think this is pain wait until you are lied to and manipulated once more. Wait until you are so frustrated and confused you become a raging alcoholic yourself
.

Thanks Takingcharge. I keep believing and getting burned.
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Old 12-22-2009, 11:21 PM
  # 46 (permalink)  
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Thanks TC999. Your post wasn't harsh at all. I know you're really trying to help, and you obviously have. Thank you! I'm getting through another night. I made it through a whole week. I can't believe it. It's getting easier every day to spend longer chunks of time NOT thinking about him. I'll be glad when Christmas is over. That's a hard one for sure.

I'm just going to keep posting and keep reading and listening until I get through this. I know I couldn't do it without everyone here.
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Old 12-23-2009, 04:06 AM
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keep pedaling-

i wouldn't keep reading his texts "in case there is an emergency".

there are plenty of emergencies with alcoholics! believe me. some are very real emergencies because of drunken errors, others are fabricated in order to hook you back in.

if there is an emergency, he can call the emergency people instead of calling you, can't he? if he can pick up the phone and dial your number, surely, he can pick up the phone and call the police or ambulance?

as for torturing yourself with these continued texts, why not simply change your phone number? i doubt that will cost anything.

if you continue in reading his texts, he might suck you back into his drama. i resisted no contact for a long time, but it really is much better to not know what is going on. you will be able to move on quicker and with less pain.

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Old 12-24-2009, 06:51 AM
  # 48 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by KeepPedaling View Post
ugh. He just keeps sending me these "I miss you" texts. He doesn't ever mention anything about recovery. Just "I miss you".

Sucks. This sucks.
Always thinking about himself, never really thinking of you... I'm afraid I know this kind of people. They can only feel all right when they can suck energy out of the others. And they are absolutely unable to make the others happy. They just use you, trying to get something from you and making no effort to give something to you.
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Old 12-24-2009, 07:43 AM
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OK, my Ex ABF turned up at my house yesterday. Said he is stressed by all the things he has to do and made subtle comments about killing himself.

Now, do I invite him for Christmas dinner or not? I asked if he wanted to go to church with me on Christmas Day but didn't get an answer.

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Old 12-24-2009, 07:53 AM
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XABF is an X for a reason right? Why would you want to spoil your Christmas day? STBXAH used to threaten suicide and it was just an empty threat to try and control me. If I thought he was really serious, I would have called an ambulance and let the professionals deal with him!
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Old 12-24-2009, 08:23 AM
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Not sure he knows he's an EX. When he does turn up he always wants sex. Ugh!
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Old 12-24-2009, 10:42 AM
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What happened Spinner? Are you going to pass on Xmas with the Xabf? I hope so. I think we all deserve peaceful happy holidays.

My Xabf continues to text and call. I'm pretty sure he's still drinking. He sounds "off" in his texts. Hey, only ONE MORE DAY til Christmas, than the pressure is off! Normal life resumes. Oh wait...New Years is coming....ugh!
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Old 12-24-2009, 12:07 PM
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how true peace to us a11 and 1ook forward to new year (not!!!) xxxxxxkia
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