Court on Friday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Court on Friday
I'll be in court tomorrow at 10:30am CT for the permanent Order of Protection hearing. Although my mind says it'll all be okay, my tummy disagrees. This will be the first time I've seen him in over a month. I don't feel properly prepared by my attorney.
So I'm trusting God that whatever happens will be okay. If the permanent OP isn't issued, I'm protected by God and my house is a veritable fortress.
Sorry I haven't been out here posting much. Energy to do anything but get through each day is often non-existent. But I think of my SR family often, cruise the site lots, and sent all great, big hugs!
Tigg
So I'm trusting God that whatever happens will be okay. If the permanent OP isn't issued, I'm protected by God and my house is a veritable fortress.
Sorry I haven't been out here posting much. Energy to do anything but get through each day is often non-existent. But I think of my SR family often, cruise the site lots, and sent all great, big hugs!
Tigg
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I agree, let God handle the big picture.
You just focus on eating something before you go, nerves will say otherwise but try anyway, don't want you lightheaded and not feeling well in there. Limit caffeine to keep the jitters down. And when you're standing there waiting for the court's findings and your hand feels a little wet and clammy, that's not nerves that's just me Alice holding your hand, my friend. See, I like to eat gummy bears before court appearances and they melt in my pocket. Yummy.
We will all be there in spirit.
Oh, and if he thinks he's going to talk to you after, that's bunk because you have friends who care who will be waiting anxiously for your update, so phooey on him.
Be strong!
Alice
You just focus on eating something before you go, nerves will say otherwise but try anyway, don't want you lightheaded and not feeling well in there. Limit caffeine to keep the jitters down. And when you're standing there waiting for the court's findings and your hand feels a little wet and clammy, that's not nerves that's just me Alice holding your hand, my friend. See, I like to eat gummy bears before court appearances and they melt in my pocket. Yummy.
We will all be there in spirit.
Oh, and if he thinks he's going to talk to you after, that's bunk because you have friends who care who will be waiting anxiously for your update, so phooey on him.
Be strong!
Alice
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
tigger you are growing so much so fast... I will be thinking about you.
Knowing you are in God's hands is the best Order of protection. Do you really feel this is true? I recently did and I cried a lot. Its true, HP knows your name, knows all of what you have gone through and will always be there. Do your best and know the results are not in your hands. We are all rooting for you and your peace.
Soon all of this will be part of the past and you will be welcoming joy and serenity in your life, that is what your actions say, so it is not good wishing it is what you are already building for yourself. You are an inspiration.
Let us know how it goes as we care very much. (((((((TIGGER))))))))
Knowing you are in God's hands is the best Order of protection. Do you really feel this is true? I recently did and I cried a lot. Its true, HP knows your name, knows all of what you have gone through and will always be there. Do your best and know the results are not in your hands. We are all rooting for you and your peace.
Soon all of this will be part of the past and you will be welcoming joy and serenity in your life, that is what your actions say, so it is not good wishing it is what you are already building for yourself. You are an inspiration.
Let us know how it goes as we care very much. (((((((TIGGER))))))))
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
I hope it's all over before you know it!
Laurie posted this breathing exercise - it really helped me calm down: First take some deep slow breaths. Take a breath, hold to the count of 10, exhale. Repeat at least 9 more times.
TakingCharge also posted on 4x4 breathing - breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, breathe out for a count of 4 and hold for a count of 4.
All really good breathing exercise that actually stopped the physical feelings of anxiety for me - the fluttering in the stomach, the nausea etc. Try then and see if they work for you too!
Laurie posted this breathing exercise - it really helped me calm down: First take some deep slow breaths. Take a breath, hold to the count of 10, exhale. Repeat at least 9 more times.
TakingCharge also posted on 4x4 breathing - breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, breathe out for a count of 4 and hold for a count of 4.
All really good breathing exercise that actually stopped the physical feelings of anxiety for me - the fluttering in the stomach, the nausea etc. Try then and see if they work for you too!
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Prayers going with you to court. We'll also be with you in spirit.
Can you get an advocate from the DV center to go with you or a friend?
Somehow it has always been easier to walk into a courtroom when I have a friend with me, lol
Love and hugs,
Can you get an advocate from the DV center to go with you or a friend?
Somehow it has always been easier to walk into a courtroom when I have a friend with me, lol
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Well Friends, I'm sorry to report it didn't go well at all. Somehow his lawyer convinced the judge that he shouldn't have the permanent OP because it's a federal judgement, and he's not a citizen, so he could/would get deported. Apparently, he was going to ask for an OP on me if I asked for one on him, and my lawyer said I could lose my job if that happened, and have trouble finding another.
Also apparently, without my knowing this was going to occur, the matter of living arrangements was debated today. Judge said, since we own the house together and I owned the condo/apartment before we were married, that he should stay in the house and I should move to the condo. Condo association rules state only one small animal. So what do I do with his dog and cat that he beats and throws across rooms? The judge didn't consider that.
None of this is fair. He came to Missouri with nothing. Now, because I was foolish enough to marry a drunk, I have to give up my home. And by the way, this is my 2nd marriage to a drunk, and the 2nd time I’m giving up my home. I found and bought this home without him, he wasn’t even here, all transactions to buy the home were done via fax. The first time he saw the house was the weekend I moved. I specifically picked this house because it’s around the corner from where my kids live. It’s a stupid house, but it has a lovely back yard that backs up to somebody else’s 3 acre wooded lot. It’s MY back yard. I didn’t want the damn pool that put us into so much debt, the debt that he can afford to pay and I can’t because he has goo gobs of money hidden somewhere in India. HE wanted to the pool. Now I get to pay for it by giving up my yard, my home.
My safety is at risk, Dakota and Oliver’s safety are at risk. Because he’s a drunk, he’s been too lazy in the last 20 years to get his US citizenship. So because his lawyer, and/or the judge didn’t want to risk him getting deported, I get some half Order of Protection that only serves its purpose until the divorce, in which it seems he’ll get everything he wants. It’s not right and it’s not fair. All I did was fall in love with a man who seemed wonderful, gallant and generous who turned out to be controlling, angry and insane with alcohol. He’s done everything wrong, and gets whatever he wants. I don’t understand at all.
So now this weekend, I have to move all my stuff back to an apartment which I hated living in. All he has here are his computers and clothes. All the furniture, dishes, décor, Christmas decorations, lawn mowers (he never touched anything in the yard, my son and I always did that), garden tools, all my sons tools, all my books (I have a degree in English Literature), TVs, living room furniture, bedroom furniture (he’s getting one of the two beds that were mine before he came here), everything in the house now has to be moved back to the condo. Everything I had before he came here (except the kitchen appliances).
And he never wanted to be here in Missouri. He’s doing all of this to get back at me because he couldn’t control me the way he wanted to. He doesn’t want the stupid house or its contents. But it’s all I have. The condo’s worth less than I owe on it. I wanted to sell it as soon as we bought this house, but he didn’t want to. I wonder how this might have been different if we had. And now, I have to short sale it, or stay there and lose the pets. If I short sale it, that’ll look bad on my credit, and what will that do to my ability to buy a house with a fenced yard?
I emailed my lawyer just now and asked her to get my house back in the divorce, and make him pay the debt.
All your prayers are wonderfully appreciated, and I ask you now to continue to pray that all this horribleness somehow gets turned around. I'm depressed, sad and afraid.
Hugs to all!
Tigg
Also apparently, without my knowing this was going to occur, the matter of living arrangements was debated today. Judge said, since we own the house together and I owned the condo/apartment before we were married, that he should stay in the house and I should move to the condo. Condo association rules state only one small animal. So what do I do with his dog and cat that he beats and throws across rooms? The judge didn't consider that.
None of this is fair. He came to Missouri with nothing. Now, because I was foolish enough to marry a drunk, I have to give up my home. And by the way, this is my 2nd marriage to a drunk, and the 2nd time I’m giving up my home. I found and bought this home without him, he wasn’t even here, all transactions to buy the home were done via fax. The first time he saw the house was the weekend I moved. I specifically picked this house because it’s around the corner from where my kids live. It’s a stupid house, but it has a lovely back yard that backs up to somebody else’s 3 acre wooded lot. It’s MY back yard. I didn’t want the damn pool that put us into so much debt, the debt that he can afford to pay and I can’t because he has goo gobs of money hidden somewhere in India. HE wanted to the pool. Now I get to pay for it by giving up my yard, my home.
My safety is at risk, Dakota and Oliver’s safety are at risk. Because he’s a drunk, he’s been too lazy in the last 20 years to get his US citizenship. So because his lawyer, and/or the judge didn’t want to risk him getting deported, I get some half Order of Protection that only serves its purpose until the divorce, in which it seems he’ll get everything he wants. It’s not right and it’s not fair. All I did was fall in love with a man who seemed wonderful, gallant and generous who turned out to be controlling, angry and insane with alcohol. He’s done everything wrong, and gets whatever he wants. I don’t understand at all.
So now this weekend, I have to move all my stuff back to an apartment which I hated living in. All he has here are his computers and clothes. All the furniture, dishes, décor, Christmas decorations, lawn mowers (he never touched anything in the yard, my son and I always did that), garden tools, all my sons tools, all my books (I have a degree in English Literature), TVs, living room furniture, bedroom furniture (he’s getting one of the two beds that were mine before he came here), everything in the house now has to be moved back to the condo. Everything I had before he came here (except the kitchen appliances).
And he never wanted to be here in Missouri. He’s doing all of this to get back at me because he couldn’t control me the way he wanted to. He doesn’t want the stupid house or its contents. But it’s all I have. The condo’s worth less than I owe on it. I wanted to sell it as soon as we bought this house, but he didn’t want to. I wonder how this might have been different if we had. And now, I have to short sale it, or stay there and lose the pets. If I short sale it, that’ll look bad on my credit, and what will that do to my ability to buy a house with a fenced yard?
I emailed my lawyer just now and asked her to get my house back in the divorce, and make him pay the debt.
All your prayers are wonderfully appreciated, and I ask you now to continue to pray that all this horribleness somehow gets turned around. I'm depressed, sad and afraid.
Hugs to all!
Tigg
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry tigger (((hugs)))
I hope you have been able to take some cleansing breaths and reduce your blood pressure and stress since your post.
You know you can come here and vent your frustrations anytime. We'll listen to you and offer you ES&H wherever we can.
I moved into a condo/apt when I left my AH and moved away to another town. The condo owners have the same rules as your community concerning pets. I have two teens and two pets. We have a 70 lb basset hound plus a cat that the basset hound wants to eat. (well, he just wants to hold her in his big drooly mouth - which she does not appreciate). The cat is my daughters and the dog is my sons. I started to panic that we wouldn't get the condo since we have two pets and one is a beast in size. The real estate agent was very understanding and allowed me to keep both pets (and teenagers) and they even reduced my pet deposit without my asking!
Maybe if you explain your situation to the homeowner's association president you will be able to get an exception for your pets, even if it is temporary.
"Peace and serenity can be enjoyed by me today, if I change my perspective." (That is a note I have on my desk) Your HP may be shuffling things around for you to open up a better opportunity.
I hope you have been able to take some cleansing breaths and reduce your blood pressure and stress since your post.
You know you can come here and vent your frustrations anytime. We'll listen to you and offer you ES&H wherever we can.
I moved into a condo/apt when I left my AH and moved away to another town. The condo owners have the same rules as your community concerning pets. I have two teens and two pets. We have a 70 lb basset hound plus a cat that the basset hound wants to eat. (well, he just wants to hold her in his big drooly mouth - which she does not appreciate). The cat is my daughters and the dog is my sons. I started to panic that we wouldn't get the condo since we have two pets and one is a beast in size. The real estate agent was very understanding and allowed me to keep both pets (and teenagers) and they even reduced my pet deposit without my asking!
Maybe if you explain your situation to the homeowner's association president you will be able to get an exception for your pets, even if it is temporary.
"Peace and serenity can be enjoyed by me today, if I change my perspective." (That is a note I have on my desk) Your HP may be shuffling things around for you to open up a better opportunity.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
It's one battle in a longer war. There are more negotiations down the line and more debate to be had. Please don't let this get you down.
As for the pets, please give your condo association a call and tell them what is going on. For extra fees or insurance my old condo association made concession frequently to keep units from going vacant or into forclosure. If you could have all the pets there with you I think you would find it easier to reclaim that space.
hello-kitty is right, it ain't over till it's over. Hang in there!!
Alice
As for the pets, please give your condo association a call and tell them what is going on. For extra fees or insurance my old condo association made concession frequently to keep units from going vacant or into forclosure. If you could have all the pets there with you I think you would find it easier to reclaim that space.
hello-kitty is right, it ain't over till it's over. Hang in there!!
Alice
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