Sad
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Sad
Hey,
Today I woke up crying and didn't know why. Looked at the date and knew that it was significant, but unsure of why. Then I remembered that today is my exA's birthday and the anniversary of the OW beginning to send me crazy/hurtful/bullying emails.
The pain has been awful, but I am in a better place than I was this time last year.
Today I woke up crying and didn't know why. Looked at the date and knew that it was significant, but unsure of why. Then I remembered that today is my exA's birthday and the anniversary of the OW beginning to send me crazy/hurtful/bullying emails.
The pain has been awful, but I am in a better place than I was this time last year.
Curled up in a good book...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 1,542
(((MissFixit)))
Be kind to yourself today - you recognise that you are making progress and sometimes little things like this will trip you up. I wonder where you will be this time next year? Take care!
Be kind to yourself today - you recognise that you are making progress and sometimes little things like this will trip you up. I wonder where you will be this time next year? Take care!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Dear MissFixIt,
I feel very close to you. Can I vent in your thread??
If it is of any help I have been feeling sad and angry YET AGAIN. I think these times are full of triggers for both of us. Today I overheard my ex laughing his a$$ off and I got so angry and frustrated with him and with myself.
Next Sat. is the company party and I am ambivalent. I am doing it for him if I am honest with myself. I want him to SEE me. I want his gf to see how pretty and happy I am. Of course this is the voice of my ego. I want them to see me with bf...
..perhaps one day I can go and actually BE happy and actually go because I want to???????
There are almost none of MY friends going. I am in no mood to celebrate. I do not want to be with my bf and not be able to relax. I do not want to go to a party that I am already dreading. I wonder about my dress and shoes and makeup, I was so excited about that last weekend-- and I think I can use all of that - to go out with my boyfriend to a place I like..... to really enjoy myself.... not to torture myself DUH!!
Also I imagine going and seeing them as great as they look, and bf acting up as the happiest and most-in-love man in the Universe and ignoring my existence completely, and I do not know
- if I need that to happen so I can know that yes indeed I am out of his life and been out for a year
- if he drinks I will feel superior, if he doesn't drink I will feel he is now a good man LOL.. again him, what he does or does not do...damn
I don't know if seeing that again will hurt more than heal me.
So I am just trying to sort out what I want... for now I know I need sleep...
I also need to retake therapy. I went for my Bach flowers again. What has helped you before? do it again, or do more of it.
The first year is the worst and the 16th it will be one year of no personal contact. 2 more days. I can do it and you can, too. We've been through the worse, progress, not perfection. Let's focus on our progress and not on the "lack of perfection" shall we...? that surely will lift you up..!
Its incredible how much pain and mourning certain words and actions cause but I hope one day we can feel compassion for ourselves, we've been through so much and we have done INCREDIBLY WELL ((MissFixIt)) we did it, we are on the other side of the bridge now, and we will no longer feel any similar pain again.
I'll just finish work and go curl with the cats. Grab your favorite teddy bear and hug it and cry again if you need... but remember you are not alone
I feel very close to you. Can I vent in your thread??
If it is of any help I have been feeling sad and angry YET AGAIN. I think these times are full of triggers for both of us. Today I overheard my ex laughing his a$$ off and I got so angry and frustrated with him and with myself.
Next Sat. is the company party and I am ambivalent. I am doing it for him if I am honest with myself. I want him to SEE me. I want his gf to see how pretty and happy I am. Of course this is the voice of my ego. I want them to see me with bf...
..perhaps one day I can go and actually BE happy and actually go because I want to???????
There are almost none of MY friends going. I am in no mood to celebrate. I do not want to be with my bf and not be able to relax. I do not want to go to a party that I am already dreading. I wonder about my dress and shoes and makeup, I was so excited about that last weekend-- and I think I can use all of that - to go out with my boyfriend to a place I like..... to really enjoy myself.... not to torture myself DUH!!
Also I imagine going and seeing them as great as they look, and bf acting up as the happiest and most-in-love man in the Universe and ignoring my existence completely, and I do not know
- if I need that to happen so I can know that yes indeed I am out of his life and been out for a year
- if he drinks I will feel superior, if he doesn't drink I will feel he is now a good man LOL.. again him, what he does or does not do...damn
I don't know if seeing that again will hurt more than heal me.
So I am just trying to sort out what I want... for now I know I need sleep...
I also need to retake therapy. I went for my Bach flowers again. What has helped you before? do it again, or do more of it.
The first year is the worst and the 16th it will be one year of no personal contact. 2 more days. I can do it and you can, too. We've been through the worse, progress, not perfection. Let's focus on our progress and not on the "lack of perfection" shall we...? that surely will lift you up..!
Its incredible how much pain and mourning certain words and actions cause but I hope one day we can feel compassion for ourselves, we've been through so much and we have done INCREDIBLY WELL ((MissFixIt)) we did it, we are on the other side of the bridge now, and we will no longer feel any similar pain again.
I'll just finish work and go curl with the cats. Grab your favorite teddy bear and hug it and cry again if you need... but remember you are not alone
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
*thanks missfixit*
maybe this is one of those times to buy yourself something?
You ARE better off than last year - FOCUS on that, to help you move through this.
Treating yourself to a 'gift' just affirms that.
maybe this is one of those times to buy yourself something?
You ARE better off than last year - FOCUS on that, to help you move through this.
Treating yourself to a 'gift' just affirms that.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
Thanks Ya'll!
(I think the thanks button is gone).
I have been trying to be proactive about the holidays. Knowing that I will get sad and what not. Today just surprised me. I was upset and not sure why until I thought about it. Maybe that is growth. Who knows.
My puppy, Marvin, has been an absolute life saver. He is the greatest pup in the world and such a love bug. Caring for him at home really keeps my mind off negative things. I had his Christmas portrait (I don't have kids) done on Saturday, and am so proud of how good he was and how handsome he photographed.
There are some positive things in my life that are pretty firm. I don't really have fair weather friends anymore as they all left, so the ones remaining are really nice people. My card list is huge and sending those out will make me feel connected. There are many people I have to be grateful to this year and I am personalizing notes for them all.
Hugs
(I think the thanks button is gone).
I have been trying to be proactive about the holidays. Knowing that I will get sad and what not. Today just surprised me. I was upset and not sure why until I thought about it. Maybe that is growth. Who knows.
My puppy, Marvin, has been an absolute life saver. He is the greatest pup in the world and such a love bug. Caring for him at home really keeps my mind off negative things. I had his Christmas portrait (I don't have kids) done on Saturday, and am so proud of how good he was and how handsome he photographed.
There are some positive things in my life that are pretty firm. I don't really have fair weather friends anymore as they all left, so the ones remaining are really nice people. My card list is huge and sending those out will make me feel connected. There are many people I have to be grateful to this year and I am personalizing notes for them all.
Hugs
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
