rdy4change

So, after a few more arguments with AH this weekend (he's still away thank goodness), I received a text from him last night that said "I'll make a deal with you. If I do not go by 1/18/10 we can part ways". The reason he gave that date is because of Christmas, New Year's and his birthday. I'm guessing it isn't uncommon that an alcoholic contemplating treatment would want to whoop it up one last time.

I was out shopping so I didn't want to talk at that moment and responded that I would call him when I got home to talk. He responded with "Don't bother, I got my answer". etc. etc. I tried calling him after I got home and he didn't answer.

Friends at SR...my thought was to let him have his wish but give myself and insurance policy. I was going to tell him that he had to pick up the divorce papers this Friday (the 18th) at my attorney's office. Then if he didn't go to treatment by the date promised, the 30 day after divorce papers were served would be done. Hence, benefiting me and not setting me back any further. Hopefully that makes sense.

I didn't get to deliver my 'terms' and not sure now if I want to. I thought about it more last night (or over thought it) and figured that the fact that he responded so quickly with 'nevermind...', he still isn't planning on going. He just wanted to throw it out there probably to place more blame on me.

Trust your opinions and thoughts. Anyone?

bookwyrm

Sounds like manipulation on his part and you knew it!! Well done for not responding to his attempts to hook you. Keep up the good work, one step at a time!

I'm having problems accessing the smilies so I'll just have to say: you rock!

nodaybut2day

Seems like your AH is dangling a carrot in front of your face, in the hopes of appeasing you/shutting you up so he can "whoop it up once last time", as you so adequately put it. It's almost like a push me/pull me sort of game; I'm glad you saw right through him!

I think your strategy is a sound one.

laurie6781

Sounds to me like more 'alcoholic BS manipulation'.

You did good, you got your answer with the 'never mind.' Please continue with your original plan and keep moving forward.

As a side note, there have been cases, that later down the line when the alcoholic SO, Hubby, Fiance has found recovery the two people involved do get back together and there are cases where they don't. No one has a crystal ball.

For your own peace and serenity and physical health (stress can make us physically sick) you have to do what is best for you.

Please know that we are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,

Jazzman

I found that trying to make a deal with M was like trying to make a deal with my dog. My dog would let me think we made a real break through and he would puke on the carpet again.

myawakening

Well said Jazzman:-).

Rdy4change-You have your answer. Stick with your plan. I, like you...like all of us here...struggled with what to do. They don't change. That push/pull goes on and on. You will be stuck in it forever or you can take back your power and move forward!

naive

just adding my vote to the stick to your plan responses.

him going to rehab just to please you won't work anyway if he doesn't want it for himself.

deliver those papers!

naive

p.s. isn't it irritating when they start conversations and then suddenly become unavailable on the mobles? then you're the crazy one, calling them all the time, chasing them once again. had enough yet?

Lilyflower

''Moving the goal posts'' is what we call this type of behaviour in the UK. If you give on this, he will push for something else later on.

He is testing to see how far he can push you to get what he wants.

There should be no comprimise on recovery, he either wants it, or he doesn't. He either wants to abide by your boundaries or he doesn't.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

HopesandDreams

I think what you are doing right now is the right thing. You need to take care of yourself and think of what is best for you right now. My AH came up with many "dates" that he was going to treatment. Those dates would come and go and I never had the strength to leave. He hit a major rock bottam last week and went on his own, unplanned. Yes it is hard that it is during the holiday season but he wants his life back. It shocked me really. Don't hang around waiting, I agree that he is definately manipulating.