My pregnant girlfriend refuses to stop drinking
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Originally Posted by Ives 
At this point though, I'm not interested in salvaging the relationship, so I don't care how mad she is at me, but I did want her obstetrician to be made aware, so mission accomplished. they'll be keeping an eye on her and are finally aware of her past. At this point, all I care about is ensuring the well being of my child, and if this puts a jolt in her then that's fine.
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Ives I'm very sorry for all that you are going through.
I wouldn't think that her Dr's have blown any of this off. They would be taking all of it seriously regardless of how manipulative you think your girlfriend is. Her Dr. may do some blood tests to check her liver enzyme count as part of her blood tests and that will clearly indicate whether she has been or is drinking.
Best wishes Ives.
I wouldn't think that her Dr's have blown any of this off. They would be taking all of it seriously regardless of how manipulative you think your girlfriend is. Her Dr. may do some blood tests to check her liver enzyme count as part of her blood tests and that will clearly indicate whether she has been or is drinking.
Best wishes Ives.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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Originally Posted by gerryP
Ives I'm very sorry for all that you are going through.
I wouldn't think that her Dr's have blown any of this off. They would be taking all of it seriously regardless of how manipulative you think your girlfriend is. Her Dr. may do some blood tests to check her liver enzyme count as part of her blood tests and that will clearly indicate whether she has been or is drinking.
Best wishes Ives.
I wouldn't think that her Dr's have blown any of this off. They would be taking all of it seriously regardless of how manipulative you think your girlfriend is. Her Dr. may do some blood tests to check her liver enzyme count as part of her blood tests and that will clearly indicate whether she has been or is drinking.
Best wishes Ives.
Notice that she demands an apology, what for exactly? I'm not apologising for sh*t. She needs to apologise to her daughter when she arrives for the abuse she put her through. What a selfish b***!!
I'm just glad they know she's been in rehab and possibly drinking again; somehow she left that little tidbit out.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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It's good that you are taking an active interest in the health of your unborn child, but there's really no need to call her names. It's non-productive and your emotions should be running more toward concern for your child than anger toward your girlfriend.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
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All I think that is being said is that is does your own higher self no good to sink to the level of name calling....
she is exactly what you said, an addict, alcoholic with no sense of right or wrong. Enough said.
It's so easy to be controlled by anger and emotions when being put through what you have been and are being put through.
Goodness knows I have called my XA every name in the book, but ultimately, doing that just makes me feel worse about myself.
You have truth on your side, and you can hold your head high knowing that. She is carving out her future right now....and she will have to face the repercussions from that.
Express your anger and hurt and do it in a way that you can feel good about yourself. If that makes any sense.
Thoughts are with you and your unborn child in this tough time.
she is exactly what you said, an addict, alcoholic with no sense of right or wrong. Enough said.
It's so easy to be controlled by anger and emotions when being put through what you have been and are being put through.
Goodness knows I have called my XA every name in the book, but ultimately, doing that just makes me feel worse about myself.
You have truth on your side, and you can hold your head high knowing that. She is carving out her future right now....and she will have to face the repercussions from that.
Express your anger and hurt and do it in a way that you can feel good about yourself. If that makes any sense.
Thoughts are with you and your unborn child in this tough time.
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
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Easy does it people. We are here to support each other, not attack each other. We get enough of that from our "qualifier".
Please step outside, get a breath of fresh air, and don't come back until tomorow when you have cooled off.
thank you.
Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery
Please step outside, get a breath of fresh air, and don't come back until tomorow when you have cooled off.
thank you.
Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I talked to a friend who is a social worker who said the doctor should call the social services. The doctor can do blood tests. If the baby is born addicted you will have a very good chance for custody. She sounds like an addict.........quacking alot........she is trying to "guilt you "to take the focus off her........I wouldn't letup on her......she needs treatment again.....Is she on probation? tell the probation officer! Can your lawyer request blood tests?
On my path.
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IVES
I am the adoptive mother of a child with FAS. He is a beautiful ten year old boy who will never drive a car, live on his own, be able to do simple math because his mother drank wine coolers throughout her pregnancy. She didn't think that was REALLY drinking.
Because of this my son has rages. When he does, he is bent on destruction. He hurts himself and anyone and everyone around. Our family cannot do what other "normal" families do because of his impulsive behavior.
PLEASE take charge and protect you child. This is completely preventable. I am happy to talk with you. There is no way to overexpress what happens to a baby when the mother drinks.
Please, please, please.
55438
I am the adoptive mother of a child with FAS. He is a beautiful ten year old boy who will never drive a car, live on his own, be able to do simple math because his mother drank wine coolers throughout her pregnancy. She didn't think that was REALLY drinking.
Because of this my son has rages. When he does, he is bent on destruction. He hurts himself and anyone and everyone around. Our family cannot do what other "normal" families do because of his impulsive behavior.
PLEASE take charge and protect you child. This is completely preventable. I am happy to talk with you. There is no way to overexpress what happens to a baby when the mother drinks.
Please, please, please.
55438
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Ives its 2 am here and I am sending you and your future child my best thoughts and prayers. I am glad you are getting angry and no longer falling for the lies. Anger propels you forward into action.
I agree it is healthier for us to feel compassion, but I also agree in that this is a process and compassion comes in after we have gone through waves of sadness, anger, pain, etc. that take time and much effort to navigate through.
I get that superiority attitude Ives, when I broke up with XABF he started with someone else and sometimes made comments about her when he knew I was just next hearing it all at work. One day he arrived with the same clothes, huge smile and messed up hair. Also saying "look how you can't control me"...
The only way to win is not to play.
Do you have a religion or spiritual practice? Handing the addict I knew, my loved ones and myself to god/higher power/etc makes me feel better, perhaps you can also resort to your own beliefs and gather strength from this endless source of love. Also a counselor/therapist may be of great help, I hope you can go to one..... you do not have to do this alone...
HUGS!
I agree it is healthier for us to feel compassion, but I also agree in that this is a process and compassion comes in after we have gone through waves of sadness, anger, pain, etc. that take time and much effort to navigate through.
I get that superiority attitude Ives, when I broke up with XABF he started with someone else and sometimes made comments about her when he knew I was just next hearing it all at work. One day he arrived with the same clothes, huge smile and messed up hair. Also saying "look how you can't control me"...
The only way to win is not to play.
Do you have a religion or spiritual practice? Handing the addict I knew, my loved ones and myself to god/higher power/etc makes me feel better, perhaps you can also resort to your own beliefs and gather strength from this endless source of love. Also a counselor/therapist may be of great help, I hope you can go to one..... you do not have to do this alone...
HUGS!
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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(((((Ives)))))
I am glad you have decided to go to CPS. You do need to find out what their 'protocol' is, ie random drug and alcohol testing, how do they monitor, and you need to check the laws in your state.
In some states, CPS does have the 'power' after several random tests where they show the pregnant woman is using and/or drinking to petition the court for Incarceration until the baby is born. Not all states have this, so you will have to do some research on your own and ask every question you can think of, of CPS.
This is serious business. The child may already be affected with FAS but to what degree will not be known until the child is born and starts to develope. Stopping her usage now, can prevent it from being worse.
Prayers going out for you and your unborn baby, and for her mother that she finds recovery soon.
Love and hugs,
I am glad you have decided to go to CPS. You do need to find out what their 'protocol' is, ie random drug and alcohol testing, how do they monitor, and you need to check the laws in your state.
In some states, CPS does have the 'power' after several random tests where they show the pregnant woman is using and/or drinking to petition the court for Incarceration until the baby is born. Not all states have this, so you will have to do some research on your own and ask every question you can think of, of CPS.
This is serious business. The child may already be affected with FAS but to what degree will not be known until the child is born and starts to develope. Stopping her usage now, can prevent it from being worse.
Prayers going out for you and your unborn baby, and for her mother that she finds recovery soon.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
we all understand that she is probably drinking more than you are aware of. and perhaps also smoking pot?
since you are finished with the relationship with her, why not block her number on your phone?
i resisted doing this for a long time, but once i did, i finally got a bit of peace to sort out my feelings without the constant texting, threats, cajoling and QUACKING from my alcoholic.
also, i think if it was me, i would inform her parents also.
well done on talking to her doctor, ives!
naive
since you are finished with the relationship with her, why not block her number on your phone?
i resisted doing this for a long time, but once i did, i finally got a bit of peace to sort out my feelings without the constant texting, threats, cajoling and QUACKING from my alcoholic.
also, i think if it was me, i would inform her parents also.
well done on talking to her doctor, ives!
naive
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Originally Posted by Carol Star
I talked to a friend who is a social worker who said the doctor should call the social services. The doctor can do blood tests. If the baby is born addicted you will have a very good chance for custody. She sounds like an addict.........quacking alot........she is trying to "guilt you "to take the focus off her........I wouldn't letup on her......she needs treatment again.....Is she on probation? tell the probation officer! Can your lawyer request blood tests?
SHe sure is quacking a lot, you are right. It's junkie level. She's gollum and his ring, she goes crazy at any mention of taking away her 'right' to have a few wines every week. Her mother knows everything about her history, and I'm starting to wonder if I should maybe have a talk with her.
She doesn't have a probation officer unfortunately and I'm not sure about my lawyer as I am not able to meet him until later this week. one would think that we certainly have a case to ask for blood tests.
One would hope that her general practioner being alerted would set off alarm bells. The obstetricians assistant said that she phoned her GP and they said that they "weren't aware that she was using again" so hopefully that will make them get mobilised. I don't know who her GP but regardless today I will phone back the OB and reiterate that she is definitely using alcohol & pot and she is acting very strange.
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Today I am also going to stop by the pub that she frequents every monday and tell them that they are serving a pregnant woman alcohol and they should stop. They are already paranoid about getting in trouble for over serving people. So I am sure they will listen. The I'm phoning her mother. I will escalate this stuff until I am sure she has no wiggle room to get away with drinking. The more people that I make aware of her behaviour now, the more chance I have at sole custody and to get my daughter away from this monster forever.
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RE; Fetal alcohol syndrome.
Drunk drivers that kill are being tried and convicted for murder these days.
Drinking alcohol during pregnancy is something akin to willful assault on the unborn child. I wonder if there any other legal remedies available?
Drunk drivers that kill are being tried and convicted for murder these days.
Drinking alcohol during pregnancy is something akin to willful assault on the unborn child. I wonder if there any other legal remedies available?
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Well. I told her mother. It's gonna hit the fan now. She will now start lying, squauking and everything else she can do to deflect attention.
I told her mother about the lying. I told her about the shrieking. I told her about the drinking. And she will start turning it around on me.
At this point, I don't care if she hates me anymore. I found out another lie - she said saturday she went to yoga with her mother, Nope. Her mother also knows about the pregnancy, she, surprisingly told her a couple days ago, but neglected to tell me that. Oh well.
I told her mother about the lying. I told her about the shrieking. I told her about the drinking. And she will start turning it around on me.
At this point, I don't care if she hates me anymore. I found out another lie - she said saturday she went to yoga with her mother, Nope. Her mother also knows about the pregnancy, she, surprisingly told her a couple days ago, but neglected to tell me that. Oh well.
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Wow Ives what a mess! I had to read this thread twice before I responded. I do understand your concern for your unborn child but I am curious how this woman (not your wife) got pregnant. It seems to me that you were well aware of her past drug use and the lack of quality parenting skills well before you impregnated her. It would seem to me there was a time you did not consider her to be a monster.
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Originally Posted by bugsworth
Wow Ives what a mess! I had to read this thread twice before I responded. I do understand your concern for your unborn child but I am curious how this woman (not your wife) got pregnant. It seems to me that you were well aware of her past drug use and the lack of quality parenting skills well before you impregnated her. It would seem to me there was a time you did not consider her to be a monster.
Deep down, she isn't a monster, that's just my anger talking.
But I never realised the grip it had on her.
I just had a long talk with her Dad. He filled me in on everything.
She used the 'cocaine' addiction as a smoke screen so that everyone would be afraid of that, and not pay attention to the alcohol problem. It all makes sense now.
She has the Alcoholics Anonymous Bible on her bookshelf, but says she thinks the 12 step program is a joke.
How messed up is that?
She had me fooled bigtime, she said cocaine was her problem, but never booze. I only just figured out the booze problem since the pregnancy. She never turned on me like this until I tried to get her first to cut back, and then to stop.
She's been lying to her parents too, but they were aware of the pregnancy.
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