tjp613

It's not blackmail, it's your moral responsibility to protect that child by calling in CPS. Period.

Ives

You are right. Struggling with that, but being a Catholic, I must. She will lose custody of her son back to the parents, but if that's what it takes to save my daughter from this monster, then so be it. The parents have done it in the past. I think I should bypass them and go straight to the source.

TakingCharge999

Hi Ives, I used to have an XABF that threw the same anger, pain and manipulation and know how confusing it is, but remember that is HER STUFF, HER FEELINGS, HER ADDICTION, none of that has anything to do with you.

Sadly, I will have to resort to blackmailing her with the threat of going to them myself, and she could lose her son, but she is really giving me no alternative.

Why don't you just go to CPS? You do not have to blackmail her or threaten her. The sooner you contact them the better as the baby's health is at stake, her tests are good now but she cannot be trusted at all.

I agree with everyone, you are doing what is best informing everybody, I hope you can find a good lawyer. Who cares if she gets angry or feels insulted.. she seems long gone.

I hope you continue finding courage to be proactive, this baby's health and your rights as a father are what need focus.

I am sorry you joined this forum during such a tough time but here there is much healing and strength and people who know how it feels ((hugs))

TakingCharge999

Ives I just saw your last message.. I agree with you, let us know how it goes. Sending you courage....

nodaybut2day

Ives, I just wanted to say that you have about 4 more months to go before this child is a separate entity from her mother, and then it'll become a bit easier to protect her from this woman.

Ives

Thank you everyone, somehow I have found the strength this past week to say enough! Enough of this torture! Enough of this vile person hurting her own daughter. Her own daughter!!

I think what made me cross the line was her smug arrogance when I brought up the fact that she had booze on her breath while we had lunch together just before the ultrasound - she immediately ordered a glass of wine, and raised it up to 'cheers' me with a smug look like - what are you going to do about that, a-hole?

Then outside she threw a lit cigarette at me.

I am waiting to hear back from her Obstetrician whom I phoned today. I'll see what he has to say.

I would like to be able to say that I trust this woman if I were to ask her to go seek help, but sadly, she has already been to rehab once and apart from going to see her psychiatrist once a week, has done nothing to address her booze issue.

Once I hear from the Obstetrician I am just going to phone Child Services. I have the number as they already have a file on her that is pretty thick.

I have compiled documentation through emails and my own logs that is closing on 70 pages. I will gun for custody if I must. I have to keep my little baby away from this evil monster.

If I call child services she could lose it though and do something silly, that is my fear.

I'm a man and I should cry but I can't stop.

nodaybut2day

Ives, you're going through an incredibly rough period, trying to protect an unborn child for her own mother. I'd be a mess in your shoes. I think you're holding up wonderfully, and you have the awesome people here at SR for support. Perhaps you can find a face to face Al-Anon meeting as well?

With regards to her reaction, perhaps you should mention this to CPS and to your lawyer...I'm not certain what could be done legally or socially. What is it exactly that you fear?

Ives

Well, it's irrational perhaps, I think I fear that she might try to hurt herself, but then, she already is hurting herself. It's just, she's come along way since rehab, but now I think that she has been pulling the wool over all of our eyes.

I have not responded to any of her emails today.

Here is her last email that she sent. I'm going to add this to the stack. She's admitting that she is drinking, but with the caveat of it being 'not that much'.......... Talk about denial, it makes me sad to read it:

"No response why am I not surprised I am doing exactly what you have asked for and I am going to follow through it's really not a big deal and wont be a problem. I just didn't appreciate being attacked and made out to be an alcoholic cause I go and play bingo once a week and have a couple glasses of wine. It is causing you massive stress which then turns and causes me major stress and if it is as easy as me just not drinking at all while I'm pregnant then so be it.

It's not that important to me and more of a social thing than anything so that's that. Your mother called a couple times but we still haven't been able to connect I called back but got her machine. Your sister also left me a message and said she would try again tomorrow. Feeling pretty hurt and sad right now you said some pretty mean things once again and accused me of things that are not true plus made threats that were very unkind so it's probably a blessing that we connect another day. Take care"

Ives

Remember, she's gone through Rehab and knows all the talking points and the buzzwords, and is now using them and turning them around on me.

I haven't been phoning her, but I have my mother and sister both phoning her in the hopes that it will dawn on her that she isn't just hurting the baby and me, but my family as well. They were do happy and now my mum and sister are distraught.

The threats that she was referring to was that I said I would go to her parents.

Ives

Thank you.

J.C. will pull me through, he always does.

She has played the 'suicide' card on me before. Guilt trip. Her son learned it from her too, as he feigned hanging himself 3 weeks ago to get her attention or something.

trapeze

Ives, good for you for stepping up for your daughter.

heavenlyone

OMG. Your poor unborn child.

What a horrible situation.

Frankly, I am disgusted with this woman and she deserves nothing.

The unborn child deserves everything.

If only you could transplant the baby over to another woman who really, really wanted a baby

naive

hi ives-

just a hunch, but as you don't respond, she will switch to sugar sweetness and apologies.

it's all manipulation.

by the way, you can buy a breathalyzer kit on the internet. but that makes you the booze police but there is the little baby...

just a thought, she could abort if you put the pressure on...you can abort up to 4 months, i think. she might threaten you with that. just so you're prepared...

grateful2b

Ives prayers to all concerned in this situation, especially your unborn child..
yes, you must do all that is within your power to protect your unborn child. including making that call to Child Protective Services.

If ever, there is a window of opportunity between you and this woman, I would like to suggest, if you could manage it, that you and she make arrangements with the local hospital, to observe their newborns, born of addicted mothers..

Maybe, seeing these little ones, born in addiction, and fighting for their lives may cause her to think twice about what she is doing to her unborn child...

Remember, Ives, we only have control over what is under our power.

Carol Star

I hope you get custody. Can CPS require drug and alcohol tests for the next four months?

Ives

I'm not sure, but check this out Carol,

I phoned our obstetrician and told them I was concerned. They phoned her family doctor, and the family doctor confirmed that she had been in rehab. They said to me that they would talk to her, and that they would send her to a social worker. Her family doctor told the OBstetrician that they weren't aware that she was using again. She had an appointment this evening. This is the email that I recieved when I got home from her:

"So you called the Dr. nice one he wanted me to call a social worker until we spoke and I explained what was going on and how you have acting and how your stressing out and it's stressing me. You just don't think or care do you? Why do you have such a hate on for me? You know what at this point I couldn't care less cause you have shown me how little you truly care..either that or your just stupid...which I do not believe is the case. All you have to do is be mature and speak to me. Not my friends not my doctor...me. You could have done alot of damage with those phone calls thank goodness people know and see the truth. Take care of yourself and I'll do the same."

And then I received this one:

"And don't play the your so worried about the baby cause I am not doing anything including zero wine! So back the hell off unless you have an apology or you are going to start acting like a grown man not a drama queen."

Bear in mind that I haven't heard back from the doctor of course.

Maybe if she talked them out of it I won't know until I talk to the doctor. This could just be her running more bs at the doctor or trying to get a response out of me. Either way, if she sweet talked them, they are stupid. I don't know when the last time she used was, but the last time she drank was Tuesday of last week - that I know of. Either way, this is probably more squawking, but at least the obstetrician is now aware, which he wasn't before. How the hell they aren't taking this seriously given she has been in rehab is beyond me.

Ives

At this point though, I'm not interested in salvaging the relationship, so I don't care how mad she is at me, but I did want her obstetrician to be made aware, so mission accomplished. She may have sweet talked her way out, but at the least they'll be keeping an eye on her and are finally aware of her past. At this point, all I care about is ensuring the well being of my child, and if this puts a jolt in her then that's fine.

tjp613

Good job, Ives!

Ives

We're past 4 at this point.

Ives

Thanks, but she's running interference in that email she just sent. However, I'm not interested in salvaging the relationship because I'll be blamed for everything for the rest of my life.

At best she will have to finally be mindful of what she does regarding consuming and at worst, she'll screw up again and they'll catch her. But I won't know until tomorrow when I talk to the doctors office. At least now she knows I'm not bluffing about anything.